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(Or, Idols At The Bat, Dolly Parton Songs Sung in the Year 2008)

With this year's baseball season underway and the number of American Idol contestants equaling nine, I automatically (and predictably) thought of them in terms of a batting lineup. So, if you'll kindly imagine yourself at the ballpark, sitting in the lower box seats or left field bleachers, eating peanuts or crackerjacks, and listening to the play-by-play on your mp3 player with FM/AM receiver, we can play ball.

Your eyes focus on the diamond, but this is what your ears hear...

Good evening and welcome to the Fox Fields in Hollywood. The umpires -- Randy, Paula, and Simon -- are already on the field and are looking styling in their Coca-Cola red chest protectors and face masks. Those product placement gurus are geniuses! The silly mascot you see running across the roof of the home team's dugout, looking only slightly more dapper than the Philly Phanatic, is Ryan Seacrest. On the mound is tonight's mentor/pitcher, Dolly Parton, and she's throwing her best material at the contestants. Let's see how they handle it.

Leading off is Brooke White, who barely manages to squeeze into the batter's box with the fiddler, backup singer, and percussionist she brought along. She tightens her grip on the guitar as Dolly winds and deals. She throws "Jolene" right into Brooke's wheelhouse, but Brooke is jammed and only manages to hit a grounder to second. It's a close play at first base. Here's the throw, Brooke slides, and Paula says, "You... are... who you are." Nobody knows what that means, so we'll move on.

Up next is David Cook. It looks as though he finally surrendered and allowed somebody near his hair with a pair of scissors. A marked improvement. It should cut down on the wind resistance when he's on the basepaths. Dolly comes set and pitches "Little Sparrow". Cook slams it with the sweet spot of his guitar and the sparrow hits the center field fence and disappears in a puff of feathers for a double.

Batting third is Ramiele Malubay. I'm not sure what she's wearing, but I think Kurt Angle wants his wrestling singlet back. Dolly throws "Do I Cross Your Mind" down the middle of the plate and Ramiele belts it down the left field line. Unfortunately, it's so forgettable, nobody bothers to call it fair or foul.

In the clean up spot is Jason Castro, who is channeling Manny Ramirez with his dreads. He puts a spark into Dolly's "Travelin' Thru" and drives it into right for a single. His stroke reminds me of Paul Simon's swing. Of course, Simon never had the funky head sway Castro has. No one can explain why his head sways so. I suppose it's just Jason being Jason.

Carly Smithson is up next and she's looking more formidable than usual thanks to her tattoos. Dolly delivers an easy "Here You Come Again" and Smithson smacks it deep. This one has the distance. But wait! Before it leaves the park, Simon calls her out for poor wardrobe choice. Ouch!

Now it's the Little Leaguer's turn. David Archuleta steps into the box as a batboy runs from the dugout to place a T-Ball stand on home plate. Dolly carefully sets "Smoky Mountain Memories" on the stand and David gives it an emotional wallop, sending the song soaring in a beautiful arc towards short center field, which should be good enough for a single. But wait! All three umpires are rushing out. And... and... they're calling it a home run! I can't believe it! Well, there's something you don't see every day. Well, unless you watch Idol regularly.

So far, the Idols have managed to string together enough weak hits to bring the seventh singer of the inning to the plate. Kristy Lee Cook steps in. This should be a great at bat. Parton's pitches are right up her alley. Dolly throws "Coat of Many Colors" and this one should be out of the park, but oh, Kristy Lee hits it off the end of the bat. It reaches the right field warning track and dies for an easy out. So disappointing.

Up next is Syesha Mercado. She's taking a few practice swings as the grounds crew rolls a grand piano out to home plate. Syesha hops on the piano. Dolly looks in, reaches back, and hurls "I Will Always Love You". Syesha takes a mighty swing, but before she even makes contact, Randy invokes the Infield Diva Rule. That rule essentially states: "Any contestant who attempts to sing a song made famous by Whitney, Mariah, or Celine will be automatically out." Syesha is ordered off the piano and back to the dugout.

The last contestant to bat is Michael Johns. He settles into his singer's stance. But wait! Randy just called a strike on him for wearing a cravat! Another penalty for poor fashion sense. Johns looks a little unnerved, but he retakes his stance and Dolly pitches "It's All Wrong But It's All Right". I've never seen anybody take such a bluesy swing, but Johns manages to send the song sailing over the left field bleachers, proving he can handle more than just Queen. Thank goodness.

And with that, we leave the ballpark and return you to your computer. Tonight, I hope Ramiele, Kristy Lee, and Syesha are in the bottom three. If I repeat it enough times, it might come true. We'll see.

Song on my mind... "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins

Before she knows it, she's a brand new bride
In her one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her it's a nice place
She says "It'll do for now."
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says "Baby, just slow down."

Cause you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

I first saw him perform this song during the live finale of Celebrity Apprentice. It was an unusually tender moment in an otherwise heartless show. I later heard the song three or four times on the radio over the weekend. (In some parts of California, country radio is the only radio around.)

Over the course of the show, I became a huge Adkins admirer. He was the quiet cowboy in the middle of the celebrity storm (which usually revolved around Omarosa, Piers Morgan, Stephen Baldwin, and that week's future firee).

He rarely spoke or showed emotion, but when he did, it seemed to matter more. The first time he spoke about his daughter (who is six and has severe food allergies), he spoke with a twinkle and a tear in his eye. His austerity gave way to fatherly pride and you could plainly see how much he loved his little girl. The moment was so real, I found myself swearing at the television because he had managed to get me choked up, too.

He was the nicest and most genuine person on the show. He was also one of the most competent and effective players. I was rooting for him to win, but when the competition came down to him and Piers, the obnoxious British judge from America's Got Talent, I had a bad feeling about things. Although everybody loved Trace (including Omarosa and Gene Simmons of all people), Trump declared Piers the winner. It was a disappointing and predictable end to a show Trump threatens will "be around for a long, long time".

By the way, you can watch the video here.

Another Idol hopeful will have his or her hopes crushed in just a few hours, but before that wonderful moment happens, let's relive last night's show. Because I don't have a DVR like a respectable recapper (or weecapper) should, I'm relying entirely on sketchy memories and a page of indecipherable notes.

After introducing the judges (Randy with his goatee, Paula with her black arm-length gloves, and Simon with his I don't know because I'm still bewildered by Paula's gloves), Ryan introduces the Top 10 and tells everybody the contestants will be singing songs from the year they were born. He does this all while walking behind the contestants, which makes it look as though he's playing a game of Duck, Duck, Goose.

First up is Ramiele (a.k.a. the Goose), who was born in 1987. She shares that she bit people as a toddler. Her mother clarifies that Ramiele outgrew biting people (something quite unique) and started singing (something less unique). She sings "Alone", the perfect song for showcasing her belting ability, but instead of belting it, she shout-screams it. Randy and Paula blame the rough performance on Ramiele's cold, but considering she hasn't been good when she's well, I doubt her health is the reason for her troubles.

Next up is Jason, the first of nine Ducks. During his clip, he tells us three things:

1. He was born in 1987.
2. It's his birthday.
3. People used to tell him he had "cute eyes".

I now wish he had only told us two things. He's singing Sting's "Fragile" and singing it pretty well. Or at least I'm hoping he is. It's hard to tell since his voice is barely audible. He appears to be trying to conserve energy. Maybe he's saving it for a big finish. Except the song's already finished and Randy's talking. And now Simon is telling him his guitar work was sloppy and Jason's mumbling something about how he should have maybe practiced more. Wait, what? This is American Idol! Your one chance to make it big! The only thing you should be doing (besides eating, sleeping, and promoting) is practicing! Happy Birthday, Jason. Now WAKE UP!

Syesha's clip reveals she, too, was born in 1987. It also reveals that she can cry like a baby - an actual baby, which is surprisingly creepy. She sings "If I Were Your Woman" and it sounds better than anything she has sung before, but I'm distracted by the crowd. During every performance, people have been waving their arms in the air like they just don't care. It's a bad habit and it needs to stop, except I know it won't. The judges love her performance and I'm sad because it means she'll be here for at least another week.

Chikezie finally breaks the 1987 streak by being born in 1985 (Go Chikezie!). His nice parents tell a nice story about their son. Then Chikezie sings a nice rendition of "If Only For One Night". The guy has a nice voice and it works well with ballads. Unfortunately, this one borders on boring. Simon says he misses Chikezie's personality, but based on last week's schizophrenic performance I wonder which of the six personalities he meant.

Brooke was born in 1983 and we learn she discovered her musical gifts at a young age. After hearing a song on the radio, she went to the family piano and started playing the song by ear. The story would almost be unbelievable if my sister, a gifted pianist, hadn't done the same thing when she was only four. Brooke sings "Every Breath You Take" by The Police. It seems like a strange song choice, but it works for the first minute, while it's only her on the piano. Then the band butts in and shatters the spell. Playing without Rickey Minor and the band might have been the downfall of Josiah Leming, but it's the key to Brooke's success.

Michael, the old man of the group, was born in 1978, which is perfect because it's the year Queen wrote "We Will Rock You" and "We Are the Champions". He sings the living daylights out of the medley and I'm happy to see he's back, but my happiness is short-lived when I realize the only way he'll stay in the competition is if he sings Queen songs for the rest of the season.

Carly, who was born in 1983, tells us how she was named after Carly Simon, which destroys my theory that she was named after Carly Fiorina. I thought the story might segue into her singing a song by her namesake, but now that she's singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart", I guess I was wrong. She's trying hard to keep her voice under control and she's looking tense, like she has the hiccups and is trying to hold her breath. She succeeds until the last line, which sounds awful because she's singing, exhaling, and gasping for air all at the same time.

David Archuleta was born in - I cringe when I say this - 1990. His banter with Ryan is awkward and the subsequent clip doesn't help. He sings "You're the Voice" and it's so awful, it makes me wish he and Ryan would banter some more. It also makes me wonder, "Of all the great songs written in 1990, why couldn't he ruin one I recognize?" Watching him sing Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" could have been so much more entertaining, in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle kind of way.

Kristy was born in 1984, which is the year Lee Greenwood wrote "God Bless the USA". So patriotic. So Fox. I have an instant flashback to the 80s, when I first saw Greenwood perform the song on a Bob Hope special, which I think was filmed on an aircraft carrier. While this is one of Kristy's best performances, it doesn't compare to the original.

In 1982, a kid with an abnormally huge head was born. Who knew that twenty-six years later his body would catch up (mostly) and he would be performing on American Idol? David Cook sings "Billie Jean", which would have been weird if it had been Michael Jackson's original version. Luckily, it's the version by Chris Cornell (of Soundgarden and Audioslave fame). It flows from slow and somber to sublime. The judges give him too much credit for being original and brave, but compared to his competition, he is original and brave. He's also smart for picking the right songs, or at least the right covers of songs.

Prediction: Carly and Chikezie won't be enjoying the comfort and safety of the couches tonight. While I wouldn't mind if both went home, I wouldn't shed a tear if Carly's hopes were crushed first.

Sometimes a second helping of something is one helping too many. When that something is The Beatles, that wouldn't seem possible, but that was the case last night on American Idol, as the remaining eleven contestants tackled songs by the Fab Four for the second week in a row.

Almost everybody had weaker performances. The few who improved only did better because their last performances were so bad, there was no practical way to be worse.

In honor of the continuing stock market unrest, let's run the American Idol ticker tape and see whose prices rose, fell, or remain unchanged after last night's episode.

Advances

Kristy Lee Cook - She performed a safe rendition of "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away", a marked improvement over last week's hoedown (which was nothing like the classic hoedowns on Whose Line Is It Anyway?). Shares of KLC nearly doubled in value from 4.00 to 8.00, despite Simon calling her "musical wallpaper" and "unmemorable, except when she's terrible".

David Archuleta - The Wunderkind rebounded this week with "The Long and Winding Road", which was no surprise. He excels at ballads. They allow him to show his sensitivity. He should stick with slow songs because anything with a fast beat or remotely resembling a rock song seems to overwhelm him. DA rose 10 points to close at 77.50.

Syesha Mercado - I almost didn't recognize her with her hair in such a subdued and stylish state. She sang "Yesterday", which showed her vulnerability. With the exception of one randomly belted line, I liked it. Simon praised her song choice, but then took it back by saying it was the song Brooke should have sung. Shares of YES finished unusually strong, considering the backhanded compliment, at 18.85.

Ramiele Malubay - After a string of rather disappointing performances, Ramiele bounced back with "I Should Have Known Better". The happy-go-lucky song finally allowed us to see what was missing the last few weeks: her great voice and personality. Shares of RAMA rose to 45.50, including a tiny bump because of her fashionable chapeau.

Unchanged

Amanda Overmyer - Every week, Amanda claims to sing a different song, but I swear it's the same one every time. Last night, she sang "Back in the U.S.S.R.". The Overmyerized version sounded exactly like last week's "You Can't Do That". How can somebody with so much energy be so boring? OVER ended the day unchanged at 22.52. Any potential dip in price was offset by her classic remark, "Ballads are boring."

David Cook - Simon called his performance of "Day Tripper" predictable. If by predictable, he meant Cook delivered another solid performance showcasing his vocal and musical abilities (including a nice riff using a talk box), then I completely agree. Except, I don't think he meant that at all. Any "predictability" or "smugness" was offset by Cook's use of the words "euphoric", "epitome", and "appreciative" during his interview. Shares of DC remained even at 85.00.

Declines

Michael Johns - I think Johns should let somebody else pick his songs. The songs he chooses would be great if they could be sung in their entirety, but contestants only get ninety seconds to perform, which means songs must undergo major reductive surgery to fit the allotted time. In the case of "A Day in the Life", Johns botched the job. Based on befuddled reactions by the judges, shares of MJ fell from 75.00 to 72.50.

Brooke White - Coming in, Brooke seemed doomed to disappoint, especially after last week's "Let It Be". Her rendition of "Here Comes the Sun" wasn't bad, but it wasn't blow-me-away good either. If she spent her remaining weeks performing with a guitar or piano, I'd be happy. She's in her element when she has an instrument. The price of BW dipped to 80.25 due to awkwardness during and after the performance (talking over the judges = not good).

Carly Smithson - I don't know what she was wearing, but it looked like a red blouse with a wreath of roses around her collar. The whole thing distracted me from her phone-it-in performance of "Blackbird". Simon called it self-indulgent, but Randy and Paula loved it. I don't know why, but I feel like they're trying to sell me a 10, when Carly is clearly a 7 (as evidenced by the new "7" tattoo on her right ring finger). Shares of CRPY fell to five points to 65.00.

Jason Castro - Castro is a likable guy. Admittedly, I like him more when he's performing with his guitar, because when he's without it, I tend to notice his goofiness. Of course, likable and goofy worked for a few past contestants (Taylor Hicks comes to mind), so maybe he's onto something. He sang "Michelle". His French was fine, but his pronunciation of Michelle (an exaggerated "mee-shell") made me laugh every time. DRLK dropped four points to finish at 69.00.

Chikezie - He tried to recapture last week's magic with "I've Seen a Face", but failed miserably. Actually, he was doing a decent job until he started playing the harmonica. Everything went downhill from there. It was a schizophrenic mess. As one of the judges said, it was like watching six different performances -- none of them good. CHKZ plummeted from 65.00 to 52.31.

Prediction

Amanda, Kristy Lee, and Chizekie will be in the bottom three. Horrified that she is still in the competition, America will send Kristy Lee home... finally... hopefully.

Thanks to Cinequest and the lack of a decent DVR, I missed all three days of American Idol last week, leaving my favorites high and dry, as the show narrowed the field of contestants to twelve. Luckily, America saved them and gave the boot to the singers who needed it most (by my estimation).

While appreciative of the nation's efforts, I felt I needed to do my part this week, so I made a point of being home to see the show live. An added incentive to watch came in the form of this week's musical theme: Lennon and McCartney.

The Beatles have always seemed to cause contestants trouble. One or two have managed to make their melodies shine, but most have only managed to mangle them. That pattern (or tradition) persisted tonight. Most performances were awful, but there were a few saving graces.

To help recap tonight's episode, I've divided the performances into three groups: awful, average, and awesome...

The Awful (or I Think My Ears Retreated into My Head):

Syesha Mercado - At her best, her singing is average, and tonight, she wasn't at her best. Her rendition of "Got to Get You Into My Life" was lackluster.

Ramiele Malubay - When The Beatles sang "In My Life", they made it sound tender and nostalgic. When Ramiele sang it, she made it sound monotonous. I like her, but every week, she keeps disappointing me. She can't seem to fulfill her potential.

David Hernandez - His rendition of "I Saw Her Standing There" was weak. His voice and presence didn't seem big enough for the song. Barring a voting snafu, he'll be the first guy voted off.

Kristy Lee Cook - She meant to sing a country version of "Eight Days A Week", but accidentally sang a Country Bear Jamboree version of it instead. She's going home tomorrow night.

David Archuleta - He rocked Lennon's "Imagine", but wrecked "We Can Work It Out". He didn't seem comfortable with the song and he forgot the lyrics. With any luck, he'll rebound next week.

The Average (or I Can Hear My Ears Snoring):

Jason Castro - Mr. Dreadlocks and Guitar sang "If I Fell". His performance wasn't awful, but it didn't blow me away either. It was frustrating to see because I like his voice and I like him. Plus, it felt like he was cheating on the high notes, at least until he went into his falsetto.

Carly Smithson - Every week, she performs well (or so say the judges), but something about her rubs me the wrong way. And maybe it was just me, but it seemed like she was shouting most of "Come Together".

Amanda Overmyer - Speaking of shouting, Amanda shout-sang "You Can't Do That". Surprisingly, I liked it, but compared to the other performances, it was only so-so.

Michael Johns - He didn't destroy "Across the Universe", but then again, he didn't send it soaring either. He, like Ramiele, showed amazing promise early on, and like her, he's been skating by on it.

The Awesome (or My Ears are in Love):

Chikezie - He delivered an amazing version of "She's a Woman". It was highly stylized and energizing. He owned that stage. It was possibly his best performance to date. Afterwards, Ryan spent seventeen minutes dancing around like a hyperactive child. He's the reason why the show took two hours.

David Cook - When he performs with his electric guitar, it's magical. Tonight, he went without the guitar, but still rocked "Eleanor Rigby". It wasn't his best performance, but it was the best performances of the night.

Brooke White - She played the piano while singing "Let It Be" and it was the perfect combination. Her whole vibe is one of sincerity and simplicity and allowing the piano to be her only accompaniment for most of the song worked. It was a brilliant move. I like her more every week. She and Cook (of the David variety) are my Final Two.

Tonight, two boys and two girls get the boot on American Idol. Before I get to who I want to leave and who I think will leave, I wanted to list my Top 4 from each group.

For the guys, my list looks like this...

4. Jason Castro - I would make a comment about his hair, but then I would have to make a comment about the hair of at least four other contestants. Let's just say he reminds me of a young John Travolta with dreadlocks. The judges let him play the guitar (that was a surprise) and he did a nice job with "Daydream" by the Lovin' Spoonful.

3. Robbie Carrico - He sang "One" by Three Dog Night and while he struggled with the higher notes, he gave it a nice spin. He's the rock version of Justin Timberlake.

2. Michael Johns - He's the Australian who ended the night with The Doors' "Light My Fire". I like his stage presence and confidence.

1. David Cook - He's another contestant with questionable hair, but his singing ability is unquestionable. He rocked The Turtles' "Happy Together". He's this season's Daughtry, if you believe in such things. I hope he makes it to the end.

A quick note about Davids: Besides Cook, there are two other contestants named David this year (Archuleta and Hernandez). It's a sign. I would like to believe it means American Idol is going to have its best season ever, but I fear it's just a harbinger of doom. A lot of people like Archuleta and while I like him, too, he isn't my favorite.

For the girls, my list looks like this...

4. Asia'h Epperson - After a stilted performance by Kady Malloy, Asia'h came out and knocked everybody out with her rendition of "Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin.

3. Syesha Mercado - Her happiness and energy is infectious. She sang "Tobacco Road". During the judges' critique, Paula tried to get her to say the word that was in the middle of her name ("yes"), as she had in Hollywood, and Syesha reluctantly complied.

2. Brook White - She also sang "Happy Together" by The Turtles. She had a much cleaner rendition of the song, but I liked it just the same.

1. Ramiele Malubay - She sang Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" and she blew me away. While her voice was amazing, I was impressed by her hair. With so much product in it, her hairdo was tornado-proof.

Now, quickly, since the show is about to start, here are the four I want to leave.

For the guys, it would make me happy to see Jason "Generic" Yeager and Danny "Pucker" Noriega go home. While Yeager simply bored me, Noriega annoyed me. The only thing worse than his eye rolls were his lip puckers, which reminded me of Mick Jagger, another performer whose puckers I can't stand. He's obnoxious, arrogant, immature, and bound to make the Final 8.

Since both of them will be safe this week, Luke Menard, a.k.a. Orlando Bloom, and Garret Haley will be getting the boot. Menard was forgettable and Haley lacked stage presence.

For the girls, my opinion isn't as strong. If I had to choose, I would send Amy Davis and Kristy Lee Cook home. As for my prediction, I think Davis and Kady Malloy will get the boot.

Okay, enough Idol talk for this week. Time to write some comic strips while watching tonight's elimination episode.

After Monday's episode of American Gladiators, the field is down to the final eight contenders -- four men and four women. I've seen every episode and I must admit (regretfully) that the show has grown on me. Don't get me wrong. I still believe it's the funniest thing on television today, but now I'm genuinely eager to find out who will win the competition.

To my surprise (and delight), there have actually been a handful of likable contenders. They are athletic, energetic, and confident (but not excessively or unjustifiably so). They're also competitive, but not to the point of bad mouthing the gladiators or their fellow contenders. I believe the basic concept is known as good sportsmanship. It's a nice quality to see.

My favorite male contender is Evan, the rock climber. He plowed through all four gladiators in Gauntlet and sent Justice flying in Assault. Wolf clobbered him in Pyramid, but couldn't catch him on The Wall. He also rocked The Eliminator, finishing it with the best time of any contender (1:29). The way he scaled the cargo net and cranked through the hand cycle portion was amazing. He is my pick of the guys to win. Barring a double-digit point deficit to Alex (his closest competitor) or an injury, he should do it.

My favorite female contender is Siene, the gymnastics instructor. For some reason, she reminds me of Jodie Foster. She didn't post the fastest time on The Eliminator, but made a decent showing. Unless Monica, the top female finisher, slips up, I don't think Siene has a chance to win. I hope she does (somehow, some way), but it seems doubtful at the moment.

By the way, Monday's episode had one of the funniest moments of the show. The commercials had hyped the showdown between Toni, a 46-year-old ex-Marine, and Kim, a 28-year-old NBA cheerleader. After four events, they were virtually tied. I believe Toni had a one-second lead going into the final round (The Eliminator).

Before they began, Kim made a point to remark this was her moment, her time. And for the first three seconds, it was her time. Then she hit the first obstacle.

She spent the next three minutes trying to scramble over the eight-foot wall. Not even the knotted rope helped. By the time she made it over, the woman sixteen years her senior was nearing the finish line. It took Kim so long to complete the course that by the time she reached the final obstacle, an inclined reverse treadmill known as the Travelator (according to Wikipedia), the producers had turned it off. I think it was meant to show her some mercy, but to me, it only heightened her humiliation.

Anyway, that's enough rambling about the show for now. Next week, I will share a list of suggestions I have for Gladiators, including rule changes, new events, and potential contestants.

I've watched the first two nights of this season's American Idol. Last night, they visited Philadelphia. Tonight, the held auditions in Dallas. In all, it has been four agonizing hours of bad singers, mixed in with a few average singers and one or two potential finalists.

Of everybody I've seen so far, no one has been as memorable as Renaldo Lapuz, the friendly and likable 44-year-old from Las Vegas. He finished tonight's episode with a heartfelt original song entitled "We're Brothers Forever". Moments after the show ended, his performance was already on YouTube. Check it out (I don't know how long it will be before it's yanked). If you want to get right to the song, skip to the 2:30 mark.

I am your brother
Your best friend forever
Singing the songs, the music that you love
We're brothers till the end of time
Together or not, you're always in my heart

This weekend, I

> hiked around Calero County Park. The recent rains made for messy trail conditions. By the time I finished my six-mile hike, my boots were five times heavier and I was three inches taller due to the dirt stuck to the soles. On the bright side, I now have enough soil to pot a plant. I also have a few photos that might be worth posting.

> biked along the Coyote Creek Parkway in Anderson Lake County Park. The nearly nine-mile trip wore me out. I blame it on the bike, which is new, inexperienced, and out of shape. It also has a bad attitude. The slightest hint of an uphill slope produced grumbling and whining. I even heard it swear under its breath once or twice. To teach it a lesson, I plan to ride it regularly until its attitude improves. (This is known as projecting, a proven technique for relieving aching legs.)

> finished reading my third book of the year. It was easy to accomplish since the first two books were by Terry Pratchett (Pyramids and Eric). Books well oiled with wit and humor make for quick reads. The third book was Blood Rites by Jim Butcher. What it lacked in laughs, it made up for with vampires.

> watched Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. The show premiered last night. I never was a fan of the Schwarzenegger trilogy, but I was curious to see how Summer Glau did as the new Terminator sent to protect John Connor. The last time I saw her, she was River on Firefly. In that show, she was all about emotions and huddling in corners. In this show, she's all about cold, blank stares and kicking butt everywhere she goes. I'll probably watch another episode or two, but I don't know if I can last an entire season. Shows featuring endless pursuits and constant violence are exhausting to watch.

> assembled the new Indiana Jones and the Lost Tomb LEGO set. It's silly, I know, but when I saw the box on the shelf, I couldn't resist it, especially after I saw the Indy minifigure included his trademark fedora, shoulder bag, and whip. To my credit, I didn't let my inner-ten-year-old run completely wild. I managed to postpone purchasing the most expensive set available (the $60 Temple Escape). I'm saving that as a resolution reward for later in the year. Of course, after I finished building the tomb, I had to watch Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, the movie that inspired it all.

American Gladiators, a show that originally aired nineteen years ago, returned with a two-hour premiere last night. I don't remember much about the original, so I tuned in to refresh my memory. I was richly rewarded with two hilarious hours of mindless entertainment. We're only a week into 2008, but I'm willing to go on the record to declare American Gladiators the best new comedy of the year.

The premise is simple. Everyday Joes and Janes (a.k.a. firefighters, Marines, amateur athletes) compete against each other and a group of gladiators (a.k.a. behemoths in Spandex) in the hopes of winning $100,000. It's a tournament that requires strength, agility, and an ego of Herculean proportions.

It's the funniest thing I've seen on network television in a long time. Here are a few reasons why...

• Hulk Hogan. He co-hosts the show with Laila Ali. Hogan is one of those guys you can easily build a drinking game around. Here are two rules to get you started: 1) Every time Hulk leans in and points at the camera, take a shot (of espresso). 2) Every time he calls somebody "brother" or "girl", take two shots (of espresso). With just those rules, you should be bouncing off the walls within ten minutes.
• Contender Egos. The big talkers on American Idol are models of modesty compared to the contestants on American Gladiator. If you are 5' 7", 155 pounds, and call yourself Spider Monkey, you shouldn't be talking smack to anybody resembling Titan, who is 6' 3", 251 pounds, and doesn't have an ounce of humor on him; not unless you like the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes from having your body twisted into the shape of a pretzel. Contenders who talk a big game make great punch lines when they receive their comeuppance.
• Gladiator Names. They strike poses meant to inspire fear, but their names only inspire giggles. It's difficult to be afraid of anybody who would willingly call themselves Crush, Fury, Venom, Hellga, Justice, Mayhem, Militia, or Wolf. If they want to really instill fear in their opponents, they should choose names like Health Care or Foreclosure.
• Toa. Of the gladiators, he has the best trademark (or gimmick). Unlike Wolf, whose gimmick is a howl (or something that is supposed to be a rough approximation of a howl), Toa's trademark is the haka, a traditional dance from New Zealand. It involves slapping the body, stomping the feet, and sticking out the tongue. Every time he performs it, I can't help but laugh. Admittedly, it isn't a kneeslapping, rolling-on-the-floor laugh. It's more of a nervous, sense-of-impending-doom laugh.

Another episode of American Gladiators airs tonight. If you are in need of a good laugh, I highly recommend watching it. It won't raise your IQ, but it's guaranteed to raise your spirits. And don't forget to make plenty of espresso.

This weekend, I

> watched the Sci Fi Channel's Tin Man online. It's a miniseries that takes L. Frank Baum's "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" and gives it a modern science fiction twist. Unless you're a silver-slipper-wearing Ozophile or somebody who must watch every second of film featuring Zooey Deschanel, this is 6 hours of entertainment you can skip (4.5 hours without commercials).

Some of the re-imagined elements are clever (like Toto as a shapeshifter), but most are corny (like tattoos that transform into flying monkeys). Instead of Dorothy in Oz, we get DG in the O.Z. (and no, Mischa Barton does not play the Scarecrow).

For me, the most compelling character wasn't DG, but Wyatt Cain (played by Neal McDonough). He's a former policeman (or "tin man") who rebelled against the evil witch, was imprisoned in a metal suit by her henchmen, and forced to relive the moment when they took his family (his heart) from him for many years. After DG frees him, he sets out on a quest to exact revenge. Keeping that storyline and eliminating everything else would have made for fifteen minutes of worthwhile television.

> read Jim Butcher's Storm Front. Inspired by Ealasaid's praise for his books earlier this year (bottom half of the page) and needing a few "quick reads" to successfully reach my goal of 52 books in 52 weeks (7 books in 21 days is doable, right?), I began reading The Dresden Files.

Harry Dresden is a wizard struggling to make a living as a private investigator in Chicago. In the first book, while trying to help the police solve a supernatural murder case, he battles scorpions, a vampiress, a demon, and a black mage. He also tries to go out on a date. As expected, Dresden has more success battling than dating.

With one foot in fantasy and the other in mystery, Butcher combines to the two genres and creates a story that is exciting, well-paced, funny, and original. I'm already reading the second Dresden book and can't wait to see how the rest of the series unfolds.

> saw The Golden Compass. I went with high expectations and wasn't disappointed. Chris Weitz did a good job of adapting the first book in Philip Pullman's trilogy to the big screen. He managed to keep the film to a reasonable length (just under two hours) without losing the joy of the story (the mystery of Dust, the alethiometer, the Gyptians, and the armored polar bears). There were changes and omissions from the book, but they weren't as egregious as those I've seen in other recent adaptations.

The movie also benefited from an outstanding cast. Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig were convincing as Mrs. Coulter and Lord Asrial. Sam Elliott was made to play the cowboy aeronaut, Lee Scoresby. But most of all, I couldn't get enough of Dakota Blue Richards as Lyra Belacqua. She came across as a smart, brave, clever, defiant, curious, and vulnerable young woman. In other words, she portrayed Lyra perfectly.

After I saw The Fellowship of the Ring, I left the theater wishing I could go back in and see the sequel. The Golden Compass gave me a similar feeling. Unfortunately, The Subtle Knife doesn't come out until 2009.

> sauntered around Calero County Park. Because of a late start on Sunday afternoon, I was only able to hike 3.6 miles of the full 6.2-mile loop suggested in the Healthy Trails brochure. I'll post a short report with a photo or two tonight. I hope to try the full hike (or a longer hike) at the end of the week.

Yesterday, TV Guide's Ausiello Report produced a handy cheat sheet of how many fresh episodes remain for each show if the writers' strike continues indefinitely. For most of my favorite shows (Bones, Chuck, Heroes, Pushing Daisies), they have anywhere between 4 and 6 episodes left, which should get them into December. Fans of Men in Trees should be rejoicing because their show has the most episodes remaining of any of this season's offerings with 14. Fans of The Office, myself included, who were spoiled with double doses of the comedy series, should appreciate what we had because only one new episode remains. After this week, it is repeats until the writers resume work.

With the fall television season well under way, I thought it would be fun to list the shows I'm watching (or not watching, in some cases). Instead of listing them in one big batch, I have broken the list down into easy to understand categories and added notes where appropriate...

Shows I Still Love...

• Bones - The cadavers still creep me out, but I stick around for the bickering between Brennan and Booth.
• Heroes - The chessboard is reset and new pieces (as well as old) are in play.
• How I Met Your Mother - Ted and Robin's on-again-off-again relationship is growing old, but the show still makes me laugh.
• Law and Order: SVU - My favorite of the L&O trio is still strong and I like the addition of Adam Beach as a new detective.
• The Office - Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, and John Krasinski continue to make me laugh.

Shows I Once Loved That Now Make Me Cringe...

• Grey's Anatomy
• Desperate Housewives
• My Name is Earl

I don't know if the shows changed or my tastes changed, but in either case, whatever magic was there is gone.

New Shows I Wanted to Like That I Actually Like...

• Chuck - The show is worth watching if for no other reason than to see Adam Baldwin (Jane on Firefly) playing a tough guy in khakis and a green Buy More polo shirt.
• Life - Damien Lewis rocks as Charlie Crews

Shows I Have Been Actively Avoiding...

• Dirty Sexy Money
• Big Shots
• K-Ville
• Journeyman
• Ugly Betty

The last show on the list isn't going anywhere, but I'm hoping the other four disappear quickly so the fall replacements can fill their spots.

New Shows I Have Taken an Unexpected Shining To...

• Big Bang Theory - Before the show stales, I'm milking it for every laugh I can get. I also watch it for the theme song sung by Barenaked Ladies.
• Kid Nation - Watching 40 kids struggle and learn to establish a pioneer town in the desert is strangely appealing. Michael and Sophia are my favorites of the bunch.

Shows I Peeked at to Gain a Greater Appreciation for the Rarity of Good Shows...

• Gossip Girl
• Bionic Woman
• Cavemen

I had hoped to blog the premiere of Heroes as it happened, but I'm apparently one of those people who gets so caught up in a show that I forget to type as the action progresses. Normally, I would rely on commercials to catch up, but since last night's show had "limited" commercial interruptions, that wasn't possible.

What follows are the notes (with timestamps) from last night's show. If you haven't watched it and don't want to know what happened (or, more accurately, what I think happened), then it's probably best to stop reading right now. Also, if you want a better or funnier recap of the episode, it's best to check out Heroes Wiki or Television Without Pity.

The notes begin below the fold...

(This entry's title is courtesy of a random title generator.)

Today is the second day of fall. I would have posted on the first day of the new season, but between yard work and an intense feeling of never wanting to see the Movable Type interface again after such a harrowing upgrade experience, I didn't get around to it.

As far as I can tell, everything survived the upgrade except the banner. The latest version of M.T. allows users to select predesigned styles or themes for their blogs, which is convenient if you don't mind your journal looking exactly like somebody else's journal, but is a pain if you do mind and want to tweak the theme to add your own personality.

- - - - - -

It rained on Friday night and Saturday, which I must admit was a nice change of pace. The rain teased us Friday evening, giving us a thirty-minute preview of what was to come. It was as though it was simply testing the water, if you will - dipping its toe to see if the temperature was bearable. Five hours after the toe dip, the rain plunged right in and didn't let up until Saturday afternoon, making the last day of summer feel more like fall.

- - - - - -

Barry Bonds was on the front page of every local newspaper on Saturday. Headlines like "Bye-Bye, Barry" and "Gone" adorned the image of the rather dour looking slugger. The Giants are letting him go at the end of the season. I was stunned by the news. I had hoped they would finally release him to allow the team to move on, but I didn't actually expect them to do it. Bonds doesn't plan to retire, which means he'll be playing for a different team next season. It's going to be so strange to see him wearing a different uniform after fifteen years of seeing him in black and orange.

- - - - - -

The new television season starts tonight for the major networks. It's the season premiere of many shows, but the one I'm anticipating most is Heroes. I'm curious to find out what happened to Hiro, who was stranded in 17th-century Japan when we last saw him. I'm also curious to know what happened to Peter Petrelli. He was on the verge of exploding in the season finale, but from the previews, it looks like he survived (and used the explosion as an excuse to get a haircut).

The other show I'm looking forward to is the oversold Chuck, a new series by Josh Schwartz, the creator of The O.C. and Gossip Girl.

Chuck is a regular guy working at a computer store who gets mixed up with the NSA and CIA after he opens an email from an old college roommate (who happens to be a rogue CIA agent) containing top secret government intelligence.

I watched the pilot online (Yahoo! was offering a sneak peek) and it tickled my funny bone. In A-meets-B terms, the show is Ed Meets Alias. Zachary Levi reminds me of a younger Tom Cavanaugh.

While I like the show, I'm guessing the network will pull it in six episodes, which is four episodes longer than I expect Journeyman, the other show in NBC's Monday night roster, to live.

I watched last night's Emmy Awards because, well, it was the remote control's night off and the television doesn't like to be touched. That's what happens when your set develops a keen aversion to germs. I would have changed the channel, but it's always unnerving to see the television wipe itself down with disinfectant afterwards.

Instead of general rambling, like I did last year, I thought I'd try a more structured approach to summarize my sentiments using Hits and Misses.

Hits:

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart: When the duo presented for Best Actor in a Comedy Series, they targeted the greenness of the Emmys, a point of pride with the Academy. Colbert came out using a leaf blower. After Stewart chastised him for using such an environmentally unfriendly device, Colbert revealed that it was powered using an alternative fuel: Al Gore's tears. Ricky Gervais won, but since he wasn't there, the pair let their pal, Steve Carell, accept the award on his behalf.

Elaine Stritch: She and Stan Tucci won for Best Guest in a Comedy Series. Instead of getting a chance to accept on live television, they presented. Stritch was hilarious. She and Tucci were on stage for no more than a minute when Stritch unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn. Then she had trouble reading the teleprompter and at one point said something to the effect that, "I'm not faking this. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing." Poor Stan looked lost the entire time.

Terry O'Quinn: The Lost star won for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series. I was rooting for either him or Masi Oka of Heroes to win.

Jeremy Piven: My favorite actor on a television show I don't watch (Entourage) won for the second time in a row as Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

Helen Mirren: She won for Best Actress in a Miniseries for Prime Suspect, a British show that airs on PBS. Unlike almost every other winner, she actually had to coax the orchestra to start playing so she could leave the stage.

Ellen DeGeneres: She was expected to introduce a segment, but ended up having to improvise for nearly a minute while crew members scrambled to get the teleprompter up and running. For a second, I thought she had actually taken over hosting duties from Ryan Seacrest.

Misses:

Ryan Seacrest: The show's host was affable when he was on, but he was rarely on. In fact, I think Wayne Brady and the Jersey Boys occupied the stage longer than Seacrest. May we please have Conan O'Brien back next year?

Kanye West: He and Rainn Wilson participated in an awkward singing contest that I'm guessing was an abbreviated version of Wayne Brady's show, Don't Forget the Lyrics. Wilson was brilliant, but it was five minutes the 3-hour-and-11-minute-long award show could have done without.

Theater-in-the-Round: At first, I liked the idea of a circular stage surrounded by an audience, but as the night progressed, it became apparent that Fox wasn't making good use of it and everybody who took the stage seemed uncomfortable with it. If used again, they need to have more than one microphone and camera. The best feature of the stage: the trapdoor in the middle.

The Jersey Boys: Their performance was amazing, but what Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons has to do with The Sopranos is still a mystery to me. Was Valli ever part of the mob? Did Tony Soprano ever sing falsetto in a quartet?

Tony Bennett and Christina Aguilera: The pairing actually worked, but the song, "Stepping Out With My Baby", was too stilted and mellow to provide much punch.

Sally Field: She was frenetic and flustered on stage as she accepted her award for Best Actress in a Drama Series. It was painful to watch as she shouted down the music and tried to finish saying whatever it was she was trying to say.

Censorship: At three points in the show, Fox interrupted the broadcast with some bizarre shot of the auditorium in silence. I initially thought it was a wrong camera cue. I finally caught on that they were using it to censor disagreeable material. They used it during Ray Romano's endless presentation, during Sally Field's acceptance speech, and just as Katherine Heigl won for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series (she apparently swore when her name was called). I believe bleeping or cutting the audio would have been sufficient to protect sensitive ears. Cutting away completely was just confusing.

When I was a kid, I remember reading a series of books about three teenaged boys who were amateur detectives. They lived in Southern California and set up headquarters in a trailer hidden under piles of junk in a salvage yard. For security, they had a number of cleverly disguised secret entrances.

The series was called The Three Investigators and Robert Arthur, Jr. created it in 1964. He wrote the first twelve books and a cadre of other authors continued the series after his death. I should track down a copy and read one for fun. According to IMDB, a movie based on the first book is set to be released in December.

I mention all of this because I was wracking my brain trying to remember the name of the series this morning. It took forever to pop into my head and now that it's here, this seemed as good a place as any to keep it from getting lost.

Anyway, before July ended, I read four more books. I wrote about Book 29 already, so let's talk about the others. All three were westerns and that wasn't by coincidence. I've been riding what I like to call a Western Wave¹ for a little while now.

It all began with the first viewing of The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. (you could say that's when I caught the wave).

Then, upon Elkit's excellent recommendation, I read Holmes on the Range by Steve Hockensmith. That took me right into the tube.

The book is a hilarious caper featuring the Otto and Gustav Amlingmeyer (or Big Red and Old Red), two cowboys inspired by the tales of Sherlock Holmes. Actually, it's Gustav who takes a shining to the stories and seeks to follow in his hero's footsteps of "detecting and deducifying". It's told from Otto's point of view, though, which adds a flavor to the narration that is engaging and addictive.

I liked the first book so much that as soon as I finished, I went out and borrowed Hockensmith's second book, On the Wrong Track. That one finds the Amlingmeyers seeking employment as Pinkertons and eventually working as railroad detectives. I have a feeling I shouldn't have rushed through it because the third book in the series won't be out for another seven months.

At the same time, I was reading another western (I was walking the board, if you will). Actually, it wasn't just any western, it was the western, which is to say, Owen Wister's The Virginian, Horseman of the Plains. (It's the second DailyLit book I've finished.)

It's easy to see why the book is considered a classic. The story is beautifully and simply told. It's set in Wyoming and is about a cowboy from Virginia who courts a school teacher from Vermont. It also has a card game, a train ride, a tall tale, a hanging, and a shootout (all of your typical western fixings). It is a strong contender for one of my top five books of the year.

If a book could be paired with a television show, like wine with food, then Holmes on the Range would pair nicely with Brisco County, Jr. They're both comical westerns with a solid footing in another genre (mystery and science fiction, respectively) that sets them apart from the mainstream.

As for The Virginian, I discovered it pairs nicely with television's most recent western, Deadwood. The contrasting presentations of The West (one romantic, one realistic) make them the perfect western odd couple.

I've watched the first four episodes of Deadwood so far. (HBO produced 36 in all.) The characters remind me of those in a Flannery O'Connor story. Deadwood is populated by grotesques - people I empathize with despite their despicable traits. I like the show immensely and highly recommend it to anybody who doesn't mind the abundant use of profanity. Most characters get by without it, but a few can't utter a clean sentence to save their lives (Al Swearengen and Calamity Jane come to mind).

I figure I'll ride in the glasshouse of this Western Wave a while longer, finishing Brisco and Deadwood before pulling out and hunting for a new set.

¹ The recommended way to ride a Western Wave is on a surfboard sporting a saddle and stirrup design. The leash should resemble a lasso and the brand should go on the board's backside. For full effect, the bottom half of the wetsuit should look like chaps while the top half should resemble a denim shirt under a leather vest. To finish the look, a cowboy hat should be firmly attached to the head. Calling somebody riding a Western Wave "dude" is not recommended.

Last summer, one of my favorite shows came out on DVD, a fact I realized this week, thanks to my less than impressive powers of observation. Then again, considering it took The-Powers-That-Be thirteen years to release it, a year doesn't seem so bad.

Now that I've written a paragraph about it, I should probably mention its name. The show was called The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. and it lasted an entire season on Fox in 1993. It was a western-comedy-sci-fi show about a lawyer-turned-bounty-hunter who is hired by robber barons to capture a notorious gang of bandits that murdered his father, a legendary federal marshal.

Less than a decade later, another western-comedy-sci-fi show on Fox would venture into the same convention-defying territory as Brisco and suffer a similar single-season fate. That show was called Firefly. I must have mentioned it once or twice. Anyway, I don't know why I have an affinity for short-lived, offbeat shows, but I do, and I don't think I'll ever be able to quit them.

The show introduced me to Bruce Campbell. I hadn't seen The Evil Dead trilogy, so I had no idea who he was. At the time, I simply thought he was perfect as Brisco. Part of it was his constant look of bemusement, part of it was his great chemistry with the other actors, especially Julius Carry, who played Lord Bowler, and Kelly Rutherford, who played Dixie Cousins. I took an instant liking to him.

The show also introduced me to one of my favorite television theme songs. Randy Edelman wrote it and the heroic song has enjoyed greater success than the show. NBC used it during last year's Winter Olympics and I've heard it used in numerous movie trailers.

Brisco enjoyed 27 episodes of life before Fox pulled it. Since then, it has enjoyed several years of cable syndication. I'm just glad The-Powers-That-Be finally came to their senses and released the show on DVD.

It has been approximately 5 days and 23 hours since I last wrote here. I'm feeling a little rusty, so I thought I would jot down a couple of things I've down over the last few days. Let's see, I

> attended my first Script Frenzy write-in. That happened last Wednesday at Mission City Coffee in Santa Clara. There were half a dozen of us working away at our screenplays. A couple of tables away, a group of actors were practicing their lines for an upcoming production. Part of me wished I had printed a page or two of my script for them to perform. Seeing the lameness brought to life would have been humbling, but awesome.

> watched over four hours of How I Met Your Mother. If I had to describe the show as an A meets B, I would say it is Friends meets Two Guys and a Girl. It's one of the funniest shows on television today; right up there with The Office. Of course, I wasn't just watching it for fun. I was watching it for the sake of research. Edutainment, if you will. I was trying to see how the writers used recurring jokes, flashbacks, and narration for maximum comedic effect.

> watched part of the French Open. I must admit that I was rooting for Roger Federer to finally beat Rafael Nadal, who is invincible on the clay courts of Roland Garros. For the third year in a row, Nadal crushed Federer. It was a match and rivalry worth watching, even if it meant getting up early on Sunday to see it. (Okay, not that early. I missed the first set, which started at 6 a.m., but I did catch the rest of the match.) I read on ESPN that over the past four years, Federer has a win-loss record of 277-19. Of those 19 losses, 7 have been to Nadal. Those are just incredible statistics. Nadal is only 21 years old and still on the rise, which makes one wonders if he'll soon begin beating Federer on other surfaces.

> went on a four-mile test walk to break in my backpacking gear. In a couple of weeks, I'll be going on my first backpacking trip. I wanted to see how everything fit in the pack (sleeping bag, pad, tent, food, clothing, etc.) and see how the pack felt on my back. We went over to the Coyote Creek Trail to try it out. The trail is flat and paved, which is completely opposite of the conditions I'll be on, but it was a good first outing nonetheless. This weekend, I'll probably venture over to Henry Coe to try it out on steeper terrain. Yesterday, the pack only weighed 25 pounds, which is roughly ten pounds less than the final weight I'll be carrying. A couple of articles recommended hiking with a lighter pack the first time and increasing the weight on subsequent hikes. The good news is that everything felt fine. My shoulders felt a little sore and my legs were a little tired afterwards, but I feel fine today. I can't wait to go!

Producers of ABC's Lost announced they had successfully completed their search for a "plot czar".

In a video podcast released this morning, J.J. Abrams, the show's creator and executive producer, said Mr. Wilson, the island castaway prominently featured in the movie Cast Away, would be filling the newly created position.

"Mr. Wilson is a survivor and a hero who understands plane crashes and deserted islands and knows a thing or two about delivering."

If approved by the network, Wilson would work under executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, but would report directly to Abrams.

Wilson's position would carry the title of Assistant to the Executive Producers and Deputy Creative Advisor for Plot Development, Continuity, Clean Up, and Implementation.

"Wilson played an integral role in advancing the plot of his previous film," said Jack Bender, another executive producer. "We have complete confidence in his ability to tie up any loose ends, fill in any gaps, explain any inconsistencies, and solve any remaining mysteries to make our plot whole. A plot, I might add, we had planned, from start to finish, long before the show began."

Some in Hollywood are scratching their heads wondering why the show waited three years to hire a "plot czar". Some are wondering how Mr. Bender was able to finish his statement with a straight face. Others are puzzled by the position's responsibilities, which seem to be very similar to those of an executive producer.

Bryan Burk, an executive producer, attempted to explain, "Wilson will do what J.J., Damon, Carlton, Jack, or I would do if J.J., Damon, Carlton, Jack, or I had the time." Mr. Burk refused to say what he and the other producers currently did with their time.

Abrams concluded the podcast on a triumphant note. "We needed to get the right concept, the right man - or piece of sports equipment - and we have."

---

Inspired by a recent article in The New York Times, an entry on Daily Kos, and, of course, Lost. The third season finale is this Wednesday. The finale of Heroes is tonight. I can't wait!

(I bet Tim Kring doesn't need a plot czar.)

(a.k.a. High on a Hill With the Lonely Goatheard... Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo)

American Idol is down to the final ten contestants, which is a long way from the thousands we started with weeks ago. That should mean only the good singers are left and for the most part that's true (except for maybe one, but I won't mention names or words that rhyme with those names (like papaya)).

Anyway, this week, the contestants got the opportunity to work with the legendary platinum blonde yodeler Gwen Stefani.

I got home late last night and missed the beginning of the show, so I have no idea how LaKisha did, but let's assume she blew everybody away. She has a great voice, but she isn't one of my favorites. I predict, though, that she'll be in the final four.

Chris Sligh let me down. He sang "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic". The guy can sing, he just can't seem to sing with the music. Maybe he needs to try singing a cappella. Give the band a break while he does his thing. That might help. His personality (and hair) might pull him through this week, but I fear he'll be in the bottom three.

Gina Glocksen rocked with "I'll Stand By You". She's my favorite female performer, but I don't know if she has the fan base to make it into the final four. Maybe the top five if she continues to improve.

Sanjaya was the next to perform. I think he sang. I don't really remember since I was too busy scrambling around the house looking for my camera to take a picture of his fauxhawk.

I give the guy (whose name coincidentally rhymes with jambalaya) props for having the most innovative hairstyles every week. He's untouchable in that department. I was almost tempted to vote for him just to see what wondrous things he would do to his locks next week. Almost.

Next up was Haley. I don't remember what she sang, but I do remember Simon saying her performance was forgettable, so I don't feel so bad. I also remember Paula calling her a pretty girl, which is Paula's way of telling somebody she didn't do so well. Haley will be in the bottom three.

Phil "Daniel Powter" Stacey sang Sting's "Every Breath You Take". I don't particularly like his voice, but he did an amazing job with the song. It will be enough to keep him in the competition another week.

Melinda delivered yet another strong performance. If she isn't in the final four (or final two for that matter), I'll be shocked and disappointed. She is all energy and charisma on stage when she sings. It's a joy to watch.

Blake sang The Cure's "Love Song". A couple of weeks ago, the judges criticized him for trying too hard to give a song his own twist and I was afraid he would do it again, especially since this was a slower song. Fortunately, he remained true to the music and pulled off the best performance of any of the guys. Paula called him the dark horse of the competition and I have him in my final four.

Jordin sang No Doubt's "Hey Baby". As Randy would say, "The whole thing was weird for me." I didn't get the arrangement or the vocals. I know Gwen praised her before the performance for "adding musicality to the song", but I wonder if she was actually cringing during the performance. Jordin will be in the bottom three.

Last up was Chris "Timberlake" Richardson. He sang another No Doubt hit, "Don't Speak". It was okay, but nothing special. I actually wish he would sing a Maroon 5 song. His voice and range would be perfect for "She Will Be Loved". I think he's safe this week, but don't expect him to be around much longer.

Tonight is the results show. Gwen will yodel, Ryan will stretch thirty seconds of material out to thirty minutes, and we'll say goodbye to Jordin.

Song on my mind... "Down to Earth" by Barenaked Ladies

Some people are just all show
I don't mind that if the show is worth watching
But it's all bark, and no tree
What's more ironic than a hippie in Versace?
It's all peace and love and limousines
You've got the right message but the wrong intentions
How can you be touchy-feely when you've lost touch?
I think it's time we had a little intervention with you

Hey now, wake up
And lose the makeup

She makes you want to know her
When you don't know what it's worth
Now you really want to show her
How she's just so down to earth
Via satellite

This morning, the folks on one of the local radio shows were talking about the young woman who has been on a hunger strike in an effort to eliminate Sanjaya from American Idol. While anyone can see it's an urgent cause du jour with greater consequences than poisoned pet food, the Alberto Gonzalez attorney firing flap, the crisis in Darfur, and global warming combined, I don't think voluntary starvation is the proper course of action here, especially when everyone knows how grueling and fatiguing constant (and simultaneous) redialing and text messaging can be over a two-hour, post-Idol period. I think she's in need of a new strategy; either that or an intervention because I don't think she can survive eight more weeks without food.

This weekend, I

watched Ong-bak. I remember seeing the trailers for this movie a few years back and finally got to see it over the weekend. It's a martial arts film with a basic plot (a young man travels to the big city to retrieve the head of a statue stolen from his village), but some great action sequences.

saw the finale of Grease: You're the One that I Want. I'm stoked Max and Laura won. I like to believe that it was my five votes each week that kept Max safe from elimination and nudged him ahead of Austin this past week to get the leading role in the latest Broadway incarnation of the musical.

attended a party thrown by friends for their one-year-old daughter. It's hard to believe it has been a year since she was born. It didn't seem so long ago that we were visiting L & T in the hospital and Z was but a blanketed bundle. Now she's walking. Admittedly, it's a wobbly, halted, drunken style of walking that requires a certain Jackie Chan level of mastery to imitate, but it's still walking (and that wasn't something she was capable of doing the last time I saw her).

The cynic might ask why anybody would throw a party for a one-year-old and I would have asked the same question a few years back, but I think I get it now. The party is less about celebrating a birthday than it is about celebrating the parents' survival. It's a way to for mom and dad to show friends and family that they're still alive and doing well (exhausted, but well). I hold L & T in high esteem and if I can do half as well as T when I'm a dad some day, I'll be ecstatic.

I think the quote that will stay with me the longest came from L while she was opening gifts. She said to her daughter in a genuinely excited tone, "Oh, Z, the things we'll do, the fun we'll have!"

It was such a refreshing sentiment. I've heard enough people talk about their children as burdens, advising parents-to-be or younger, childless couples to have their fun while they can. When they talk like that, I assume they're joking, but I also sense the mean it to a degree, which is disheartening. Every now and then, it's nice to hear somebody express what I hope and believe: that a child (beyond being hard work and expensive to raise) is a chance for fun and an opportunity for adventure. True, it might not be the same fun one would have if one weren't "burdened" with a child; it might actually be different and better fun.

If you watch Heroes, then you know the show has several characters and it can be hard to keep them all straight sometimes. With the series also taking six weeks off, the task of remembering who everybody is and what they're doing will be even harder.

It would be nice if there were some sort of handy reference diagram available.

And now there is.

To save you some time, I took the liberty (and a few spare seconds) to create one for you...

Just click on the image, choose the size you want on Flickr, and print out a copy so you can refresh your memory when April 23rd rolls around and the show returns.

By the way, this can also serve as a neat cheat sheet for those who don't watch the show, but don't want to appear completely clueless when friends are swapping theories about Sylar and Peter Petrelli.

Disclaimer: The above diagram is meant to enlighten, confuse, and amuse. Use wisely and enjoy.

Continuing the week's theme of "guilty pleasures". I love sushi, almost enough to have it any time of day (morning might be stretching it).

This strip would have been up much earlier if it weren't for the constant distraction of American Idol. While I'm still rooting for local boy, Paul Kim, my favorites from tonight were Blake Lewis (the beatboxer), Sanjaya Malakar (Stevie Wonder smooth), and Chris Sligh (he can sing and he's hilarious). Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an hour and forty-five minutes left to vote.

After four seasons,

This week's tentative theme is "guilty pleasures". American Idol falls in that category, as does Chris Daughtry's "It's Not Over".

This season's A.I. is down to the Top 24, which means the real competition begins next week. The guys perform on Tuesday; the girls perform on Wednesday.

I'm rooting for Paul Kim. He's a local boy from Saratoga, California. What's more, 8 Asians claims he's the anti-William Hung.

By the way, if you haven't seen the previous strips, they've been corralled into one convenient Flickr set for your viewing enjoyment.

When I was a kid, my parents owned a huge, pale green station wagon. Before my dad traded in his Ford Maverick for a Chrysler Caravan, the station wagon was the family car and we would all pile into it whenever we visited my mom's parents in Santa Cruz or went on road trips.

What I remember most about that car (besides the fact that it was huge, pale green, and a station wagon) is that it had an eight-track tape deck. As soon as we lost radio reception, my mom would play one of three tapes she kept in the glove compartment: ABBA - Gold: Greatest Hits, Go West by Village People, or Grease - The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack.

For most of my childhood, I grew up believing my parents only owned three tapes. It wasn't until much later that I discovered the tapes in the car were just my mom's half of the collection. My dad's half was kept tucked away in a bookcase drawer in the living room. He had more than four dozen tapes by artists like Gladys Knight and the Pips, The Temptations, The Association, and The Lettermen.

To this day, I don't know why we never listened to my dad's tapes (in retrospect, I wish we had), but what I do know is that as a result, my mom's half of the collection had a monopoly on the car tape deck. And because of that, I have a love-hate relationship with the music and artists from those three albums.

Whenever I hear "In the Navy", I'm simultaneously drawn to it because of the happy car trip memories it recalls, but also repulsed by it because of the sheer number of times I've now heard the song in my life. It partially explains why I was tempted to buy The ABBA Generation by A*Teens when it first came out, but vehemently dislike Madonna's "Hung Up", which borrows heavily from the group's "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!". It also begins to explain why I've been watching the BBC-produced Grease: You're The One That I Want on television after so many years of actively avoiding anything related to the musical or the movie.

For those who don't know, the show is an American Idol imitation, but instead of choosing who will be the next Idol, America gets to choose who will play the lead roles of Sandy and Danny in an upcoming Broadway production of Grease.

There is nothing extraordinary about the show to merit watching it every week other than the fact that the music is so ingrained in me that it almost seems as though I would be denying who I am if I didn't watch it.

Okay, that's not true, but that's the line of reasoning I'm going to use the next time someone gives me a disapproving look when I mention the show. It's your typical blame-the-parents defense and it fits perfectly with one of my favorite quotes from A Mighty Wind: "There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature."

Last night was a two-hour episode of the show. After three weeks of hearing David Ian, the obligatory British judge on three-judge panel, tell contestants, "You [long pause] are not Sandy/Danny" or "You [longer pause] are the one that we want", the field of contestants has been narrowed down to fourteen finalists - seven Sandys and seven Dannys. From this point forward, the Sandy and Danny receiving the least number of votes each week is eliminated.

Right now, I'm rooting for Max (nicknamed "Slacker Danny"). He seems to be the underdog of the bunch. He has the talent, especially the vocal talent, but the judges keep harping on his looks. Of the women, none of them really stand out, but if I were to root for one, I would probably go with Ashley S. ("Ballerina Sandy") because her dance experience sets her apart.

Last week, there was a bizarre story in the news about Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick getting caught at the Miami Airport with weed hidden in the bottled water he was carrying. After he surrendered the water at the security checkpoint, screeners discovered the bottle had a secret compartment that "had a dark residue and a pungent odor of marijuana".

Of all places, I first heard about this story on Saturday Night Live. Weekend Update did a hilarious segment called "Really!?! with Seth & Amy" that skewered the quarterback.

"And also, I don't know if you've heard, but you can't bring bottled water past security anymore. So you hid your weed, which is not allowed on a plane, in another thing that is not allowed on a plane. That's like hiding your weed in a barrel of a gun or in the mouth of an endangered species."

When it first aired, I thought it was the funniest bit of the entire show, but there was a development in the story this week that has dampened that opinion.

The police tested the water bottle for drugs and the test came back negative, so no charges will be filed against Vick. That's good news, but that news seems to have taken some of the punch out of the segment. It's still funny, but just not as funny as when the premise was true. Now when I watch it, instead of laughing out loud, I'm wondering if the show will apologize to Vick.

With the exception of "Lazy Sunday" and "A Special Christmas Box", SNL hasn't had a lot of truly funny moments lately (some people measure lately in years). I thought Seth and Amy's bit had potential to be one of those moments and possibly a sign of a comedy rebirth for the show.

But it seems the show hasn't done enough to please the comedy gods. One wonders what the show has to do to regain their good graces for it seems the comedy gods are a fickle bunch.

Last night was the fall finale of Heroes, marking the end of an eight-episode fall season. The show now goes on winter hiatus for six weeks, returns with a block of sixteen new episodes in January, and finishes with a season finale (or would that be a spring finale?) in May.

Heroes isn't the only show adopting a two-finale system. Shows like Prison Break and Jericho are also giving the new concept a try. Of course, they're all following the lead of Lost.

During the summer, Lost announced it would be airing a block of six new episodes in the fall, taking thirteen weeks off, and airing the remainder of the season (without repeats) in the new year. This would help avoid the stress and chaos the network created last season when fans never knew if Wednesday night would bring something new, something old, or something recycled (episodes containing 95% reused material).

Breaking Lost's season into two blocks was good for the fans and the network. It made it easier for fans to follow the show and it gave the network a season within a season to showcase another program.

The concept of two blocks of fresh episodes makes sense. One wonders why executives were so reluctant to do it before. Perhaps there was never enough demand for a change. Popular shows like ER, CSI, or Law & Order don't rely on long story arcs, cliffhangers, or momentum. There isn't a critical link between episodes and there's rarely the risk of the audience losing track of the main storyline because the main storyline is contained within the episode.

With a show like Heroes, which relies on pacing, ongoing story arcs, and an established timeline, mixing new episodes and repeats indiscriminately breaks the continuity and turns away fans who tune in to find out what happens next.

If the popularity of shows like Heroes or Prison Break continues to increase and both shows retain their audiences over the winter break, expect to see more programs with fall finales next year.

Another November day nears its end and I'm 3,000 words closer to completing this year's NaNoWriMo challenge. The ultimate goal would be to finish by Thanksgiving morning. Part of that depends on how much writing I can accomplish before tomorrow night's Heroes. The episode is touted as the biggest one yet. I'm hoping it lives up to the hype. The show has been one of the few bright spots in an otherwise lackluster season of network television.

I'm a huge fan of the new show Heroes, but every time I hear the voice at the end of the show's commercials whisper the phrase, "Save the cheerleader... save the world," I laugh. I can't help it. Visions of a Bring It On / X-Men crossover flash across my brain.

Heroes is a graphic novel (a.k.a. comic book) masquerading as a television show. To successfully pass itself off and survive on TV, it needed to adapt to its new environment and lose some of its conventions in order to gain acceptance from a mainstream audience. In other words, it had to sacrifice spandex. Like Smallville (that other comic book superhero show, now in its sixth season), the heroes of this show don't wear outfits made from that fashionably elastic, yet easy-to-wash material. Instead, they wear what any modern, self-respecting ordinary-person-discovering-extraordinary-abilities would wear: Abercrombie & Fitch.

It's a fun show to watch. It's slow at times, but the story moves steadily enough to keep me interested as characters discover or develop their abilities, new heroes or villains emerge and the mystery surrounding the heroes' ultimate mission - saving the cheerleader, the world and any last-minute items the creator can think up - reveals itself.

Yesterday, I gave a paraphrased example that hinted at Little Richard's loony judging. Today, I discovered a hilarious YouTube montage that captures it fully.

On Tuesday, I watched Celebrity Duets, Simon Cowell's latest televised talent show. It's the singing version of Dancing with the Stars.

The show begins with eight celebrities. Every week, they perform duets with various "music legends" and every week, one celebrity gets the boot.

Most of the duets were mediocre, two were superb (both involving Gladys Knight) and the rest were so awful they kept me hooked, hoping to see something worse.

Wayne Brady is the host and I admit he's the reason I watched. He is one of the few hosts that could actually win the show if he were competing instead of hosting. If the producers are smart, they'll give him a chance to sing before the show is over.

Like every other talent show on television, Duets has a panel of three judges. It's an unwritten reality television rule that every panel must have a grumpy British judge, a generic technique judge and a loony, possibly drunk, possibly medicated judge. Duets doesn't stray far from the formula with David Foster, Marie Osmond and Little Richard.

True, Foster is American, but he is undeniably grumpy. Osmond fits her role perfectly with vague observations about pitch and "relatability", which my dictionary says isn't an actual word. Following in the footsteps of American Idol's Paula Abdul and So You Think You Can Dance's Mary Murphy (who began using her hand as a puppet in the last few episodes), Little Richard sets the new standard for all future loony, possible drunk, possibly medicated judges.

Instead of describing his style of judging and for the sake of coherency, let me give you a paraphrased example. After Hal Sparks and Gladys Knight finished singing "I Heard it Through the Grapevine", Little Richard said something to the effect of, "Grapevine, grapevine. Oh yes, I heard it. I heard it in Georgia, where Gladys and I both grew up. Oh yes. My my my. Through the grapevine. Oh my. Oh yes. How I heard it! My my my."

If you missed the season premiere, there's no need to fret. Fox is showing a repeat tonight. It's your chance to see Lucy Lawless belt with Michael Bolton, Cheech Marin rock with Peter Frampton and Chris Jericho, the prettiest wrestler I've ever seen, sing a ballad with Lee Ann Womack. On the other hand, the second showing could be your chance to miss it again and stick it to reality television.

"Award show banter is not pabulum... [dejectedly] Reality television celebrates the human condition... by illuminating what's extraordinary in the ordinary person." – Jon Stewart's response to Stephen Colbert when they presented the Emmy for Outstanding Reality Competition Program. It was the funniest presentation (viewable at YouTube) of the show and the source of this entry's title.

I watched the Emmys on Sunday because it's fun to hear acceptance speeches from actors who win for shows I never watch. I also tune in for the first ten minutes, which are usually the best minutes of the entire evening, but more on that later.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine) and Tony Shaloub (Monk) won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy. I watched Monk once upon a time, when it aired on ABC, and liked it. I'll probably add it to my queue when the list of DVDs begins to dwindle. I may do the same for Julia's show if I can get over my distaste for the title and the aftertaste of Seinfeld, which enjoys syndicated ubiquity.

Megan Mullally (Will and Grace) and Jeremy Piven (Entourage) won for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy. Will and Grace never seemed funny to me and likely never will. As for Entourage, I'm a big Jeremy Piven fan, so I should rent it just to check it out. I recently saw him in Runaway Jury (with John Cusack, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman and Rachel Weisz) and it reminded me of how much I like the duo of Cusack and Piven. It's a Grisham film, so there weren't exactly opportunities for them to display their comedic chemistry, but it's what I like and remember most about them. Only Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson come to mind when I think of current actors with a similar on-screen rapport and off-screen friendship.

Blythe Danner (Huff) and Alan Alda (The West Wing) won for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama, while Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU) and Kiefer Sutherland (24) won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama. Of the four shows, I only watch L&O: SVU with any regularity. One of these days, when I'm bored out of my mind and trapped indoors, I may try to watch an entire season of 24 in a single day (synchronizing the episodes with the clock).

On a side note, after seven excellent seasons on L&O: SVU, Christopher Meloni finally received a nomination for his work. His loss to Sutherland was the second biggest disappointment of the night. The biggest was Lost's omission from the Outstanding Drama category. Had it been nominated, I doubt 24 would have won. And just so I have it written somewhere, The Office won for Outstanding Comedy.

As for the first ten minutes of the Emmys, Conan O'Brien had a great opening sketch (YouTube). It starts with him taking a flight from New York City to Hollywood to host the show. The plane experiences turbulence and Conan stuffs himself into an overhead compartment for safety. We then see him emerging from the ocean and collapsing on an island beach - the island from Lost.

After drying his signature red hair using a hairdryer built from twigs, he encounters Hurley, and together, they discover a hatch. Conan asks Hurley if he wants to come with him to the award show, but Hurley quips, "Well, we weren't exactly invited."

Conan's ensuing quest takes him through The Office, 24, House, South Park and Dateline: To Catch a Predator and ends with his arrival at the Emmys. It was classic.

Yesterday, in light of Sunday's plane crash in Kentucky, articles and blogs slammed the bit and called it insensitive. Instead of receiving kudos for its comedy and creativity, it's received criticism for "questionable taste" due to unlucky timing.

One wonders what the reaction might have been if the plane hadn't crashed, if the Emmys had aired twenty-four hours earlier or if the producers had pulled the sketch. NBC issued an apology yesterday, which is now the required response whenever public sensitivities are offended.

Conan was fortunate that none of his other funny moments offended anyone.

To make sure the show didn't run over the allotted time, he declared there would be consequences this year. An airtight glass booth was rolled onto the stage containing "exactly three hours of oxygen" and Bob Newhart sitting inside. If the show ran long, the "beloved comedian" would die.

O'Brien also introduced a timesaving innovation I think he called the Podium Segway. To demonstrate, Christopher Meloni appeared on a spruced up Segway and gave his acceptance speech while driving across the stage.

And during his opening monologue, O'Brien joked about the infamous (and now taxable) Emmy gift baskets valued at $51,000. He claimed it included "a cell phone, a DVD player and a gift certificate to the Olive Garden worth $50,000." He then proceeded to perform an inspired parody of "Ya Got Trouble" from The Music Man about NBC's rating woes.

Luckily, nobody suffocated to death, died in a freak Segway accident or received serious injuries opening an expensive gift basket earlier in the day. Otherwise, Conan really would have been in trouble (with a capital T, and that rhymes with G, as in "Gee, we're screwed!").

This weekend, I

>helped my mom celebrate her birthday by taking her to Olive Garden for dinner on Friday. My parents have this thing for the OG, which I don't get, but don't question either because, well, it's their day, be it Mother's Day, Father's Day, their birthdays, their anniversary or any other day the family gets together. I suppose I also don't mind going because it brings back childhood memories. You see, the building Olive Garden occupies was once the home of two restaurants my folks would take us to many years ago: Coco's and Reuben's. We usually had breakfast or lunch at Coco's and dinner at Reuben's (not on the same day, mind you). Both restaurants closed in the eighties. Back then, I thought the timing was an extraordinary coincidence. Only when I was older would I grasp the concept of parent companies. After a few years, Coco's reappeared a block from its original location when Bob's Big Boy, another family favorite, closed.

>toddled around downtown Burlingame Saturday afternoon. Toddling is good fun, whether it be "walking at a leisurely pace" or "walking with short unsteady steps", though the latter is more likely than the former to attract unwanted attention from onlookers and possibly the police. Anyway, toddling affords one the opportunity to gaze into store windows, stop at cafes for coffee and sit at any number of benches to watch people or read.

>read Jasper Fforde's The Big Over Easy. I recently finished an extensive book about the moral history of the American Civil War and just began a lengthy book about Abraham Lincoln and his cabinet. I thought I would take a break from the laugh-a-minute reading and spend the weekend reading something shorter and more serious, which is why I selected a novel that follows Detective Inspector Jack Spratt and Sergeant Mary Mary of Reading's Nursery Crimes Division as they investigate the murder of Humperdinck Jehoshaphat Aloyius Stuyvesant van Dumpty. If you like puns, fun with plot devices, parodies or general nonsense and need a good chuckle or groan, I'd highly recommend this book.

>contemplated hiking, but didn't because I couldn't make up my mind. Part of the problem is that I get bogged down with the possibilities. It's the whole too-many-choices-where-do-I-start predicament, which, by the way, is also known as "The Predicament Most Likely to Garner No Sympathy Whatsoever, so Shut Up and Choose Already". Big Basin, Big Sur and Forest of Nisene Marks are my top picks for hiking in the coming weeks. I'm also trying to narrow down the candidates for hikes starting from the Tioga Road when we return in Yosemite next month.

>watched the pilots of two new television shows on DVD. NBC and Netflix worked out a deal where folks could request a DVD containing the pilots of Studio 60 and Kidnapped. Kidnapped is a single-event drama in the same vein as Lost, 24, Prison Break and every third show scheduled to be on the air this season. I thought the pilot was strong, especially when it focused on Jeremy Sisto as the mercenary hired to find the kidnap victim, but it's difficult to see the writers maintaining the same quality and momentum through all twenty to twenty-four episodes. Studio 60 is Aaron Sorkin's behind-the-scenes look at a sketch comedy television show similar to Saturday Night Live. I'm a fan of Matthew Perry and Sorkin's rapid and sarcastic dialogue (an underpinning of his The West Wing), so I liked it.

Beyond whether or not I liked the shows, I'm sure somebody is wondering why anyone would "waste" a DVD rental to watch two shows that could have been seen for free in a matter of weeks. While I recognize the silliness of it, I let curiosity and novelty get the better of me. To me, it was worth delaying the next movie in my queue by a few days to satisfy that curiosity rather than waiting a month to find out if I liked either show. Plus, a sneak peek of a TV show on DVD sounded like a new and oddly appealing concept. Next year, when every network is promoting their new crop of shows this way, I'm certain the freshness of it all will have worn off.

In an effort to keep my laugh muscles toned, I've been watching this summer's Last Comic Standing. The host, Anthony Clark (whom I liked in Boston Common), claims this is the show's fourth season, but since I have no recollection of seasons two or three, this is the second season as far as I'm concerned.

Until today, I had been reluctant to write about the show in fear that mentioning my favorite comics would somehow jinx them. However, with the finale tonight and the voting over and out of my "control", I feel safe enough sharing some of my thoughts.

As this (second) season progressed, I became fans of three of the comics: Gabriel Iglesias, Chris Porter and Josh Blue.

Of the ten finalists, Gabriel Iglesias was the only one I had heard of before the show began. He caught my attention when he did a radio interview promoting his appearance at the Improv in San Jose two or three years ago.

On Last Comic Standing, he was one of the funniest and most likable comedians. I was sure he would make it to the end, but halfway through the show, he used a BlackBerry to contact his girlfriend, which was a direct violation of the rules. The purpose of the rule was to prevent comedians from cheating and obtaining jokes or material from outside sources. The unfortunate side effect of it was that contestants couldn't communicate with their family or friends. Breaking the rule cost Gabriel the competition and it was disheartening to see him leave that way.

Of my three favorites, I thought Chris Porter had the best chance of winning the whole thing. In the early rounds, he was often the audience favorite. It probably didn't hurt that he bore a striking resemblance to Willy Wonka (or Gene Wilder, if you want to be technical about it). Sometimes his jokes were a little out there, but I thought he was one of the most consistently funny comics. He made it into the final three, but received the least number of votes last week, which led to his elimination last night.

Tonight, it's a showdown between Ty Barnett and Josh Blue, my last favorite standing.

Barnett has been uneven throughout the competition. He has had moments of sheer genius, but has been otherwise flat. Last night, he was the first finalist of the season to recycle his jokes. I know it's a common practice in the comedy world, but in this competition, where comics only have a five-minute routine every week, reusing material seems sloppy. At the very least, he could have used older jokes from earlier in the competition instead of ones he told just last week.

Most of Josh's routine focuses on the fact that he suffers from cerebral palsy, a topic that may seem like a comedy graveyard, but is actually a goldmine for him. Just as other comedians use their ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or marital status to fuel their acts, Josh fuels his using his disability and he gets great mileage with it.

Tonight, I'm rooting for Josh to win. And I think he'll do it, not because of sympathy votes, to which his detractors will likely credit his victory, but because he's truly funnier than Ty.

My sister pointed me to the following YouTube video yesterday. It's the alternative Pearl orientation video the Hanso Foundation didn't want you to see. This is perfect if you need a good laugh and a Lost fix to start your week.

I recently finished watching the first season of Foyle's War, a British detective series that takes places on the south coast of England during World War II. Michael Kitchen stars as Detective Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle, an experienced police officer, who continues to solve murders and fight crime while the war goes on.

Most of the episodes are reminiscent of Agatha Christie mysteries. The writer takes the time to cultivate the setting and characters to produce a healthy crop of suspects people of interest and motives for our detective to investigate after the crime is committed. It's a pleasant change from the Law & Order formula where the crime usually occurs before the episode even begins.

Besides Detective Foyle, the show features three regular characters: Samantha Stewart, a military driver assigned to Foyle (he can't drive); Sergeant Milner, a police officer, who returned to duty after losing a leg fighting in the war; and Andrew Foyle, his son, who is serving in the Royal Air Force.

What makes the show different from your standard whodunit is the war. It complicates every case, adding social and political tension to already personally charged situations. The writer is also able to incorporate historical events into the stories. In the case of the first season, set in 1940, this includes the detainment of Germans in England, coastal air raids, the Battle of Dunkirk and the British pro-Nazi/anti-war movement.

My only complaint about the show is that there are only four episodes per season. While it's true that each episode is 100-minutes long (which is the equivalent of 2.5 American episodes), there just aren't enough of them. The good news is that there are two more seasons already on DVD and a fourth season and fifth season on their way to PBS later this year.

I watched the season premiere of Last Comic Standing (LCS) last night. Just as American Idol (AI) reinforces the truth that most people can't sing, LCS reinforces the truth that most people aren't funny. Both shows reinforce the larger truth that people who can't do something are usually the last to know. Incompetence is cruel like that.

Unlike AI, which lollygags through several episodes and highlights all of the talent they didn't find during their coast-to-coast auditions, LCS sprints through six cities in two hours and showcases an even mix of potential comics and hopeless cases. I'm not saying lollygagging isn't entertaining and fun. I'm just saying sprinting is a nice change of pace. I'm also saying that six to eight hours of bad comedy routines would be painful to watch.

With the regular season finished, I would typically spend these first few weeks channel surfing, sulking and moaning about how there's nothing on television. For the sake of tradition, I might still do that, but I'll probably stop for an hour tonight to watch the Fox show that reinforces the truth that most people can't dance.

I'm feeling rather behind on my online journaling. I set an unofficial goal of twenty entries this month. With this entry, I'll be four shy of the mark. I suppose it could be argued that an entry about the number of entries one writes doesn't really count, so I should probably write something substantive. What would be substantive, but not too heavy for a Friday, especially a Friday before a holiday weekend?

While I think about that, I thought I would try to clear up any confusion that may have been caused by something Ryan Seacrest said on Wednesday's American Idol. Before announcing the winner, he told the audience that the show had tallied 63.4 million votes, more votes than any president in history ever received.

I fear his statement may lead the average person to believe that Americans care more about who is the next Idol than who is the next president. I want the average person to know that isn't the case for me. It might not seem like it considering I voted twenty times for Taylor and only once in the last presidential election, but it's true. If I could, I would vote twenty-one times in the next election to prove how much I care, but I don't think it would be possible without risking jail time.

I also want the average person to know that Americans care more about presidents than they do about Idols. The best way to prove it is to show that more people voted in the last election than in this year's American Idol finale. Since it requires more work to establish how many people voted in American Idol, we'll get that over with first.

My first assumption is that your typical Idol voter is a determined teenaged girl with a fully charged cell phone and the contestant's number programmed in speed dial. Let's assume she had an entire season to perfect a system for voting and she is able to cast one vote every three seconds. There were 14,400 seconds in the allotted four-hour voting period, which gave her enough time to cast 4,800 votes. But let's assume she only got through one out of every ten times. That means she successfully cast 480 votes. If we divide 63.4 million by 480, it would be possible for just 132,000 teenaged girls to produce the stated number of votes.

Of course, a major assumption here is that the teenaged girl only focused on the task of voting for her Idol, which is unrealistic. Everybody knows that teenagers are easily distracted and like to multi-task. In the real world, she would be using the same cell phone to talk to and text message her friends (who were also voting), while also being online to send email and instant messages to her other friends.

During the voting period, she may have been studying, but that is highly unlikely. It's more reasonable to assume she was updating her MySpace account, listening to Kelly Clarkson on her iPod, watching Idol Extra on television and surfing the American Idol site for bonus clips from the show.

We know that multi-tasking is extremely inefficient. Working on tasks in parallel takes longer than working on them in series. To account for this inefficiency, let's assume she was only able to dedicate ten percent of her attention to voting. That means forty-eight votes per girl and that means it would take 1,320,000 teenaged girls to produce 63.4 million votes. Of course, it's sexist to assume that only teenaged girls would vote, so we will simply say teenagers.

The number of voters seems very low, so I think my assumption that a multi-tasking teenager votes at ten percent efficiency is generous. I'll cut that percentage in half and assume they accounted for 31.7 million votes. I'll then assume one person per vote for the rest of the votes. That means that roughly 33 million people voted.

In the last presidential election (also known as Presidential Election: Season 55), nearly 122,300,000 people voted. I've linked to the Wikipedia article because it takes less time to load than the PDF file of the official Federal Elections 2004 results. Doing the math, one can see that 89 million more people voted in the last presidential election than in the American Idol finale, which proves beyond a doubt what Americans care more about.

By pure coincidence, a Southerner with gray hair won in both cases. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if one were to show pictures of both men to people on the street, more could identify Taylor "Soul Patrol" Hicks than could identify George "Border Patrol" Bush.

I missed of the American Idol finale on Tuesday, but that didn’t stop me from voting for Taylor anyway. I rationalized it as making up for all of the times I watched the show without dialing a single toll-free number. Over the allotted four-hour period, I got through twenty times. Of course, I didn’t get through nearly one-hundred times, which I took as a sign that people were voting for him. I admit that I was tempted to dial one of Katharine’s numbers, just to see how easily I could get through, but that would have given a vote away, so I curbed my curiosity.

I’m stoked Taylor won. His dancing was atrocious, but endearing. He drove me nuts with his constants shouts of “Woooo!” and “Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol!”, but it was that same energy during his performances I found so engaging. I’m not a fan of the song the show wrote for him, but I hope he records Neil Diamond’s “In the Ghetto” and The Beatles’ “Something”, two of my favorite songs from earlier in the season.

Next year will be the sixth season of American Idol. While that’s all fine and good, I’m actually looking forward to when they air Ultimate American Idol Showdown, where previous Idol winners and Clay Aiken compete for the title of Ultimate Idol. If that day ever comes, I’ll be rooting for Clay all the way.

Song on my mind... "Universe and U" by K.T. Tunstall

A fire burns
Water comes
You cool me down
When I'm cold inside
You are warm and bright
You know you are so good for me
With your child's eyes
You are more than you seem
You see into space
I see in your face
The places you've been
The things you have learned
They sit with you so beautifully

They played the song in the background, during last night's season finale of Grey's Anatomy, as Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Webber sat in a dark hospital room - their accidentally mutual sanctuary - and tried to gain perspective on their respective situations. Since I don't want to ruin it for those who may have saved the episode on their TiVos to watch later, I'll be cryptic and say that flawed characters are frustrating (especially when I'm rooting for them and they do dumb things), but I still love them. Every good story needs them for tension and resolution. Last night's finale delivered plenty of the former that will need the latter next season.

A Quick Aside: The other song that caught my ear came at the end of the show. For the life of me, it sounded like Snow Patrol. I visited their site and learned it was "Chasing Cars", one of the songs on the album they just released last week.

I recently purchased Tunstall's album, Eye to the Telescope. It currently shares the honor of My New Favorite CD with Daniel Powter's self-titled album. Tunstall's record came out two years ago in the U.K., but I only became aware of it recently because radio stations have "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" in heavy rotation and Katharine McPhee sang it not too long ago on American Idol. I still think it's funny that some Idol fans believed the song was a McPhee original.

Her performance of "Black Horse" withers when compared to the recording of K.T.'s live performance when she visited NPR a few months ago. I believe her MySpace site also has a video of one of her performances.

Instead of having a band support her, she supports herself with the help of looping machine. She presses a pedal with her foot to start recording, taps her guitar for a few beats and presses the pedal again to stop recording and start the loop. Then, with a good sense of timing, she repeats those steps with a tambourine, a hand clap, some short guitar melodies and some vocal harmonies.

The whole process takes about forty seconds. It's fascinating to hear the creation of each layer of sound and listen as they come together to form the familiar shape of the song right before one's ears. Perhaps it is merely a stage gimmick, but I think it shows she has more musical aptitude than your typical pop star or Idol finalist.

Besides "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree", my other favorite tracks include "The Other Side of the World", "Under the Weather", "Silent Sea", "False Alarm" and "Suddenly I See". That is half of the album, which makes it worth the money in my eyes.

You know there's no need to hide away
You know I tell the truth
We are just the same
I can feel everything you do
Hear everything you say
Even when you're miles away
'Cause I am me, the universe and you

To my own surprise, I haven't been regularly watching Lost for the past few weeks. I think I'm waiting for the second season to arrive on DVD to get my island fix all in one weeklong marathon. It isn't that I've lost interest in Lost. It's just that I've lost interest in the show, which airs at the same time on the same channel, called Grainy Reception. Until I'm willing to pay for satellite or cable television, GR will stay on the air.

Last night, everybody I wanted to win, lost. That goes for hockey, basketball, baseball and American Idol.

In hockey, San Jose lost to Edmonton in the third overtime period of what became the longest game in Sharks history. The game was painful to follow because the Oilers always seemed to be winning, even when they were losing. The fact that they made more shots on goal (57-34) and won more face-offs (69-45) than the Sharks helped to foster this perception. San Jose now leads the series 2-1. Game 4 is tomorrow night.

In basketball, the Phoenix Suns lost to the L.A. Clippers. I'm rooting for Phoenix because I'm a Steve Nash fan. I would claim that I know him personally, but that claim would fall into the not-exactly-true category. My only connection to him is that we went to the same university during the same four years and that I saw him a time or two on campus. Apparently, that's all it takes to win my loyalty as an occasional basketball observer.

In baseball, the Giants lost to the Cubs by a score of 8-1. The game was notable for two reasons:

1. Barry Bonds' failure to hit No. 714 to tie Babe Ruth's record.
2. The sheer number of boats amassed in McCovey Cove waiting for Bonds to hit No. 714.

I'm sure the armada will be assembled in the bay this afternoon in anticipation of a home run ball that will greatly improve somebody's quality of life. I hope they remember to wear plenty of sunscreen.

By the time I found out the results of American Idol, I had a healthy disappointment streak going, so the news of who lost didn't have as great of an impact as it normally would. Ever the optimist, I tried to see it as keeping the streak alive. Only two of the four contestants I predicted for the Final Four remain. With any luck, Elliott and Katharine will survive next week's vote to compete for this season's title.

Because their baby's arrival has been a major headline in entertainment news and because I like to be in the know about topics that are likely to be introduced around the water cooler with the phrase, "Did you hear about…?", I thought I'd take a second to read more about the power couple popularly known as Suri's parents. I found this great resource, Teeveepedia, that gave me everything I needed to know about Tom and Katie. Plus, it gave me some insight into the Church of Scientology. And since they were conveniently cross-referenced, I brushed up on Katie's previous claim to fame and Tom's favorite show, Dawson's Creek, and her former castmate, Joshua Jackson, the one who wasn't Dawson, but won the girl anyway.

From now on, I know exactly where to turn when someone mentions an unfamiliar actor or show. Forget IMDB. Forget Television Without Pity. It's Teeveepedia for me, all the way and always.

I might be mistaken, but I believe PBS released all of Ken Burns' documentaries on DVD around the same time. I say this because every one I've seen (four and counting) has included the same interview, "A Conversation with Ken Burns", as a featurette¹. I must have watched the conversation four or five times now. The sad thing is that I haven't tired of it yet.

It begins with Burns quoting a columnist, Gerald Early, who said, "I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now, when they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball."

That's the short answer to the question that Burns tries to tackle with every documentary he makes. The question being, "Who are we?" "We" being Americans. He must believe Early is on the right track because his two longest films are about jazz and baseball.

One of my favorite parts of the interview is when he responds to the comment that some people find his documentaries rather long. He says that he's been criticized for that and he thinks some critics are, frankly, "pissed off". They know they're going to write the same length review for his eighteen-and-a-half-hour documentary on baseball as they are for a thirty-minute sitcom (with commercials) and that makes them angry.

The interviewer then remarks that people aren't trained for the pacing of his documentaries, referring to how Burns likes to spend several seconds focused on an image before cutting to the next one. Burns replies that MTV has taught us that the human eye is capable of receiving a multitude of images in a second, but he would argue that images shown in such a way don't have meaning. This leads to my favorite quote of the interview...

"All meaning accrues in duration. The things that we are all proudest of - the work we've done, the relationships we have - occur in duration. It's the thing we've given our best attention to and we realize, in the end, the only thing we have is our attention."

If nothing else, I want to take away from my repeated viewings of the interview that concept of "best attention". Whatever I'm doing, be it reading or writing, working or playing, living or loving, I want to give it my best attention because I want it to have meaning.

Anyway, Easter weekend is here and today is Good Friday. For those who observe Easter: Happy Easter! And for those who observe Fridays²: Happy Friday!!

¹ It's easy to spot a featurette in a group of features. It's the one with long eyelashes, blonde hair and a white dress.

² You never know. There's always one or two who don't.

The hills are so green. They are a sight I could admire for hours, maybe even for days. I often wish they would stay green throughout the year. I imagine it won't be long before they are brown once more.

Okay, I just spent half of my train ride (a.k.a. writing time) staring at the hills, when what I meant to do was recount some of the highlights of this three-day weekend.

This weekend, I

> finished The Historian. Because of this lengthy book, I fell off of my book-a-week pace, but it was worth it. The story involved many train rides across Europe and visits to old monasteries and libraries. It was an enjoyable piece of historical fiction that blended the Dracula of history (Vlad Tepes III or Vlad the Impaler) with the Dracula of myth (Stoker's vampire). I am a sucker for books with maps, so I was hooked once I spied the map of Cold War Europe on the inside cover.

> beheld, but did not hold a twenty-six-hour-old baby. As babies go, she is tiny and extremely cute. Of course, now that she's four times as old as when I first saw her, I wonder how much she's grown. While she appeared alert and observant in between her naps, I doubt she remembers who I am. Such is my life.

> watched the pilot of MacGyver on DVD. When it premiered on television, back in 1985, I thought it was one of the coolest shows on the air. Twenty-one years later, it seems a little more corny than cool, but I got a good laugh from watching it. If one were to watch it with a critical eye, one could point out many flaws, but that would ruin the fun of the show.

Random bit of trivia: The baby and MacGyver were both born on March 23rd.

Another random bit of trivia: Her parents did not name her Angus. How corny cool would that have been if they had?

> ran three miles. This is only significant because I have been extremely bad about running. It had been quite a while since I last run three miles and my legs are feeling it today. All it means is that I need to do it more often and regain some of that lost endurance.

The entry title refers to the unwanted vocabulary word I learned from watching last night's American Idol.

I never knew there was a name for Barry Manilow fans. Actually, I never knew there were Manilow fans. I wish I still didn't know. But since I can't un-know it, my only consolation is knowing that you now know it, too.

Because he loves Idol and has a big heart, Barry came on the show to help the remaining eleven contestants with their song arrangements and vocals. With him there, one would think the hopefuls would sing songs every Fanilow loves, but that wasn't the case (which made me sad because I hadn't heard "Mandy" in such a long time).

Instead, they sang songs from the 50s. Luckily, Manilow's latest album just happens to feature him singing standards from that very decade. Talk about serendipity.

Based on how I liked their performances, I've divided the contestants into three groups:

The Top Four: (my choices for the Final Four)
Chris Daughtry, Mandisa, Katharine McPhee, Elliott Yamin

(A quick aside: Daughtry covered Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line". He again received praise from the judges for "making it his own". According to M, "his own" sounds eerily similar to Live's cover of the Cash classic when they made it their own.)

The Middle Four:
Paris Bennett, Taylor "Silver Fox" Hicks, Kellie Pickler, Ace Young

The Bottom Three:
Kevin "Chicken Little" Covais, Bucky Covington, Lisa Tucker

My guess is that Lisa will go home tonight, which means one more week of The Chicken Little, Silver Fox and Bucky Show.

"If this had happened to anybody else in America, it would have been like a sparrow belch in a typhoon."
- Alan Simpson's colorful response to Chris Wallace on this weekend's Fox News Sunday regarding Dick Cheney's shooting accident.

Two decades ago, I would wake up early every Saturday morning to eagerly watch cartoons. When I say cartoons, I don't mean the political type drawn by freelance artists, solicited by an independent newspaper and used by religious extremists to fuel violence and promote a long-sought holy war. I mean The Flintstones, The Super Friends Hour and The Littles. If I saw them, I was ecstatic. If I missed them, I was heartbroken.

Two years ago (or so), I would rise relatively early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons like Kim Possible and shows like Trading Spaces: Boys vs. Girls. In doing so, I was able to recapture some of the excitement of my younger days. Yet, I never felt the same attachment to the new generation of morning shows that I did to the ones of my youth. If I happened to miss them, I was disappointed, but never distraught. I didn't know if it was a sign that I had grown up and my tastes had changed or a sign that television was simply producing lower quality shows for children (and guys refusing to let go of their childhoods).

Since the beginning of the year, I've been hooked on weekend programming as addictive as those Saturday morning cartoons. I've found a more "sophisticated" source of entertainment, a more "mature" reason for waking up early. I'm talking about the political talk shows on Sunday mornings. Most people are probably thinking, "Politicians and pundits are exciting, how?" To which I reply, "Have you seen the verbal aerial tricks some of those politicians throw down as they deftly avoid answering questions? Have you witnessed the venomous hyperbole those partisan commentators spit at one another? The whole thing is ridiculous, yet fascinating."

For a "balanced" diet, I watch three shows. For what I perceive to be a right-leaning perspective, I watch Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace. They stack their roundtable with two conservatives, Brit Hume and Bill Krystal; a moderate, Mara Liasson; and a liberal, Juan Williams. For what I believe is a left-slanting take, I watch This Week with George Stephanopoulos. His roundtable consists of a rotating liberal (meaning a different one each week, not one that actually spins around), the conservative George Will (a favorite of mine for his baseball perspectives) and Cokie Roberts.

My favorite and the one I like to think is the least biased is Meet the Press with Tim Russert, who had me from the first moment he used a dry-erase board in 2000. He, more than any other host, does his research and makes good use of it: citing quotes from articles and speeches, asking his guests tough questions (regardless of political party), bulldogging them for answers and calling them on less-than-honest statements. I also like that the show is available for online viewing. True, This Week offers a podcast and one can gain quite a bit from just listening to it, but half the fun of television is its visual aspect.

Of course, now I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if today's top television shows were aired during the days of radio shows. It's hard to see CSI and Desperate Housewives having the same appeal. Most comedy shows, the few still in existence, would probably do okay. I think Lost would work in terms of weekly cliffhangers and accompanying musical score, but I can't see how flashbacks, the show's signature storytelling technique, would work. The show losing the least in translation would probably be American Idol. Contestants would sound appalling whether we could see them or not. Not to be mean, but the only thing that could help them sound better is the mute button.

When I sat down to watch the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics from Torino on Friday, I wasn't planning to watch every second of it. Yet I did. It's not something I'm necessarily proud of, but it's a fact I can't deny. I'm a sucker for the Olympic Games. Be they summer or winter, I'm one to be easily caught up in them. Not only do I find the athletic excellence and competition captivating, but I also find the spirit of the Olympic movement appealing. Pessimists and protestors might deride it as the "Olympic Illusion", but I would like to believe that the ideals of peace promoted by the event and organization are a reality, if only for two weeks every two years.

From what little I've seen from camera flyovers, the city of Torino (Turin?) and its surrounding areas are beautiful. Admittedly, I'm easily taken by cityscapes, nightscapes and landscapes, which may partly explain my fascination with SimCity (besides the aspects of urban design and planning that I just know everybody finds so intriguing). According to the Today Show's sixty-second geography lesson, the city is located in the northwest region of Italy and has approximately 11 miles of porticos. It was also the home of Fiat and was once Italy's capital.

Here is a list of some moments and observations from the opening ceremonies I would like to recall many years from now:

• The inline skaters dressed in red tights with flames shooting from their backs representing the spark of life or passion, which is only appropriate since the theme of the Torino games is "Passion Lives Here".
• A hundred or so performers in blue, red, green, peach and black capes clustered to form a giant ski jumper (when viewed from above). They then staged a routine that simulated the ski jumper making his run and landing successfully. It was awesome.
• The transformation of the stage from fire to snow and the appearance of the seven giant horns to represent the seven Alpine countries (Italy, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France, Slovenia and Liechtenstein)
• The stadium filled with 70,000 spectators all dressed in white.
• The Parade of Nations set to dance music from the 70s and 80s, the type of music often heard at karaoke bars and generic wedding receptions.
• The huge number of one-athlete countries (Kenya, Madagascar and Venezuela come quickly to mind).
• More and more athletes brought digital cameras and camcorders in with them during the parade to capture the moment from their unique perspectives, which was cool. Only one athlete was caught on television talking on a cell phone while she marched in, which wasn't so cool. She was an American.
• Yoko Ono's call for peace, which primarily consisted of lyrics from her late husband's song, "Imagine", and mixing in the word peace with a random assortment of nouns and verbs. Peter Gabriel then performed the quoted song.
• Luciano Pavarotti singing "Nessun Dorma" magnificently, bringing the roaring crowd of spectators and athletes to their feet.

I believe Torino pulled off a good opening celebration, but if I were to rank it amongst all of the other opening ceremonies I can remember, dating back to Los Angeles and Sarajevo in 1984, it would fall somewhere in the middle.

Counting yesterday, there have been four days of competition, which means plenty to write about, if I can find the time and energy. I'll be missing most of the action tonight and tomorrow night because of classes I'm taking (which I'll also elaborate on in another post), but I'm tempted to tape the encore airings (shown in the middle of the night) and catch up on it this weekend.

Last week was a good television week. I caught a new-to-me repeat of Bones on Tuesday. Like Medium and Ghost Whisperer, it's a show based on the life of a real woman, but unlike those shows, it's neither annoying nor unintentionally funny. The only bad thing about it is its new time slot. Fox is moving it to Wednesdays at nine, opposite of ABC's Lost. Considering the number of shows I watch regularly (six at last count), you would think the chances of two shows I like falling on the same night at the same time would be slim, but I'm lucky like that. Tuesday also featured hilarious back-to-back episodes of Scrubs.

Wednesday was all about Lost (which won a Golden Globe for Best Television Drama last night). First, there was the Lost special called Lost: Revelation, an obvious misnomer. A more accurate (but less marketable) title would have been Lost: Recap. With the last fresh episode shown five weeks ago, the network sought to refresh the audience's memories. It was a good idea, but I dutifully skipped it. Instead, I tuned in later for the newest installment, "The 23rd Psalm", an episode centered on Mr. Eko, the mysterious and deadly Nigerian who carves bits of Scripture into the big stick he carries.

I then spent the next hour playing the episode again in my head, trying to find any additional clues, references or symbols in a futile attempt to gain deeper understanding and crack the mystery of the island. The fact that the hour-long effort looked very similar to sleeping is purely coincidental. Informally, I like to refer to it as Lost: Nap.

On Thursday, I watched Dancing With the Stars, one of those programs I find somewhat amusing and strangely addictive. It ran for ninety minutes, twice as long as it needed to be. If they had cut the interviews and celebrity comments, it would have been a much better show. Less ramble, more rumba!

Afterwards, I watched another comical episode of The Office. My favorite scene had to be the one in the minivan as Jim tried to make Michael and Dwight behave by squirting them with water while he drove them to the hospital for Dwight's concussion. It was ludicrous, but had me laughing out loud.

On a tangent, Steve Carell's acceptance speech during the Golden Globes was the most creative of the night. As he unfolded a piece of paper, he claimed that he hadn't prepared a speech, but his wife had. He ended up thanking the usual people as usual and thanking his wife four times. It was classic.

With the return of American Idol and new episodes of my other favorite shows, this appears to be another good television week. With it being winter and the weather not so hot, good television should never be taken for granted.

By the way, yesterday, our nation observed Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, recognizing the great civil rights leader's birthday. It was strange, but every news reporter I heard made a special effort to note that if King were alive, he would be 77. Today, our nation isn't officially observing Benjamin Franklin's birthday, but he was born on this day in 1706. I just wanted make a special effort to note that f he were alive, he would be 300 years old, very, very wrinkled and possibly not human. He is one of America's greatest Founders and one of my heroes, so Happy Benjamin Franklin Day!

The new television season began a few weeks ago and I've done my best to see some of the premieres. A few look promising, but many look bland and unwatchable. Of course, I might be tempted to view them if I'm provided with a plasma television, a comfortable recliner and an endless supply of coffee and Skittles.

This season seems to be inundated with police procedurals (a term TV Guide overuses this year that I've never seen before), science fiction dramas (Lost, Surface, Invasion, Night Stalker, Threshold, Medium, Ghost Whisperer, Supernatural and Charmed) and movie stars (Martin Sheen, Charlie Sheen, Glenn Close, James Spader, Kiefer Sutherland, Donald Sutherland, Geena Davis, Dennis Hopper, Chris O'Donnell, Melanie Griffith and Freddie Prinze, Jr.). I suppose I shouldn't complain. It could be worse. There could be more "reality" shows.

Anyway, it's always fun to make a list of the shows I plan to watch and then review it next season to see how many were canceled. The following are the stop-and-drop-everything-I-must-vegetate-now shows:

• How I Met Your Mother
• My Name is Earl
• The Office
• Scrubs
• Lost
• Desperate Housewives
• Grey's Anatomy

That's five hours of television a week, three hours of comedy, two hours of drama. Other shows I wouldn't mind seeing (if they happened to be on while I was in the same vicinity of a set) would include Arrested Development, Bones, ER, The OC, Law & Order and Law & Order: SVU. I know Smallville and Everwood already began, but this year, I'm just not interested in seeing them. I might catch an episode or two when repeats roll around, but that's all.

Of the new shows I've seen, my favorite is My Name is Earl. I don't know why I remember the following exchange from the premiere. It's not exactly funny, but it sums up the premise nicely:

Earl: You see, Kenny, my life sucks and it's because I've been a bad person. I'm hoping if I can do some good things, then maybe some good things might finally happen to me.
Kenny: You're talking about karma.
Earl: You're a Carson Daly fan, too, huh? Yeah, I'm talking about karma.
Kenny: You're really trying to change?
Earl: If I don't, I think life's going to kill me.

Song on my mind... "Make Your Own Kind of Music" by The Mamas And The Papas

Nobody can tell ya
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell ya
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you

You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along

Two episodes into its second season and Lost doesn't seem to have lost any momentum or mystery. As the show answers old questions, it asks new ones that are as intriguing as the ones that had me hooked last year.

I think one of the keys of the show is its sense of pacing. The writers have a difficult task of maintaining mystery while maintaining interest. When should they introduce or resolve certain issues? How much should they reveal? For me, they aren't always successful. There are times when I wish they would move faster, but I don't know if it's because they're slow or I'm impatient. All I know is that I can't get the song from the premiere out of my head.

Traffic getting to Carmel was terrible yesterday. Highway 101 through Gilroy was a virtual parking lot, so we tried to reach Highway 1 using 152 through Watsonville. It wasn't much better, but on the bright side, we saw lots of guys wearing cowboy hats as we moseyed through the center of town. As time goes on, I hope we learn the best times to leave and return to make the coastal escape easier. When there isn't a jam, the beautiful beach and downtown area is only forty-five minutes away.

Carmel was busy as usual, which made parking a hassle, but once we were on foot and walking around town, I was able to relax and enjoy myself.

Did you read in recent news about Carmel's latest woes? Apparently, the town has too many art galleries. I bet most communities wish they had that type of trouble instead of the typical problems of traffic, crime and unemployment. I wonder if a moratorium on galleries will really bring about the reemergence of more useful retail stores and services. It does seem absurd that residents only have to walk a block to purchase a painting, but have to cross a busy highway to buy food, clothing and gas.

After getting home last night, I turned on the television and caught the breaking news of Peter Jennings' passing. I sat in disbelief as I watched ABC's tribute to its longtime anchor. (He spent 41 of his 67 years at the network.) I suppose I thought he would somehow make a miraculous recovery from lung cancer and return to report the news again. Jennings always struck me as the most approachable and most credible of the Big Three (Brokaw, Jennings and Rather). My perception of the first quality probably affected my perception of the second. Yes, he was a stranger in a box, talking about things happening in far away places, but he was also a familiar face that kept me informed about world events (when newspapers and the net were inaccessible). I will miss him.

Like a door-to-door solicitor, a craving for mocha came knocking this morning. It had the most inconvenient timing considering that I was just finishing a cup of coffee. Before boarding the train, I ordered an Islander Mocha from the depot cafe. I admit, the name hooked me. Images of palm trees and sandy beaches floated across my mind. I half hoped the drink would come in a cup carved from a coconut. Unfortunately, the only thing coconut about it was the syrup they added. The drink itself was good, but some aloha spirit in its presentation would have created the right mood to enjoy it thoroughly.

Sorry. I got distracted there. I wanted to write about last night's American Idol. It was the big showdown between Bo and Carrie. Frankly, I was disappointed in both of them. The battle of the best seemed like a bust. I don't know if it was nerves or the lackluster originals they were singing, but neither of them sounded at the top of their game.

Back near the beginning, around 1995, when there were many Idol hopefuls, I used baseball references to talk about the various contestants. I'd like to go back to that as the season ends.

To me, Bo is a control pitcher. He's Greg Maddux. He doesn't have a ton of power, but he has command of the ball (or his voice in this case) and can throw it wherever he wants with consistency. Occasionally, even control pitchers miss their mark and he had a few notes out of the strike zone last night.

On the first song, "The Long Long Road", he had a struggle reaching the lower notes, but soon regained control and finished it solidly. He was also sporting the first decent pair of shades I've seen all season. On his last song, the horrible "Inside Your Heaven", he sang the heck out of it, but there was one part where he seemed to suffer from a bad case of lyrical amnesia and gas. For once, he actually made me cringe, which isn't like Bo at all. Only "Vehicle", the song in the middle, saved him.

Carrie is a power pitcher. For her, it's about putting as much velocity on the ball (or volume into her singing) as possible. She's Randy Johnson. The problem with fastball pitchers is that if they start running into trouble, the only solution they see is to throw harder. Carrie was all over the place with her vocals last night. Consequently, she was practically yelling in parts.

During her rendition of "Inside Your Heaven", she was completely off-key and sounded like Kermit the Frog a few times. On "Independence Day", her best song, she sounded like she was always a half note above where she was supposed to be. You could hear the strain in her voice and see it in her face as she attempted to sing louder. It was a disaster. She seemed to recover somewhat on the last song, "Angels Brought Me Here", but it was only temporary. After a few lines, it seemed like somebody hijacked her voice and made her sing a completely different song while the band played on.

The judges heaped praise upon both finalists. Most of the positive remarks stemmed from memories of past performances. The most worrisome comment came when Simon told Carrie that he thought she had done enough to win the competition. I didn't get it. I began to wonder if he and I were listening to the same people singing.

I'm hopeful Bo will become the next Idol, but I have this feeling that Carrie will pull off an upset and take the title instead. It would be disappointing, but not devastating. If she won, Bo would become the next American Clay, a runner-up who ends up overshadowing the winner, which isn't a bad deal at all.

When I'm up with the sunrise
I want more than just blue skies
I want more than just okay

I open my eyes and another day is under way. I can't stop staring at the sky. It's as though Thomas Kinkade painted the clouds this morning. They're aglow.

If there was a map of life, I'd unfold it, circle the places I wanted to visit, highlight the most scenic route, call up that somebody and say, "Would you like to take a road trip with me?"

The temptation to see The Movie on the day of its release grows stronger. A midnight screening seems less ridiculous by the hour. Of course, the prospect of having to get up early for work the next morning will likely prevent me from being impulsive. Besides, my lightsaber won't be fully charged by then.

Last night's season finale of The Bachelor was disappointing. The latest bachelor presented the final woman with a "promise" ring and the line, "I'll be the best boyfriend ever." The lack of commitment confuzzled me. I thought the original concept behind the show was for the man to end up on bended knee, hold out a ginormous diamond ring and propose. Perhaps they should just change the name to The Boyfriend next season.

I've been listening to Weezer's latest album almost every day since it came out last week. "Beverly Hills" is the single on the radio, but it isn't my favorite track. That honor currently goes to "Perfect Situation", a song that just happens to have a baseball reference.

What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation,
I let love down the drain
There's the pitch, slow and straight
All I have to do is swing
And I'm a hero
But I'm a zero

To ensure that I write some sort of American Idol recap this week, I'm writing this semi-live, almost as it's going on. The credits just ran and Ryan is introducing himself and the three judges. Everybody is showing Paula lots of extra love. It makes me feel all warm and nauseated inside. Corey who?

In the red room, Ryan, wearing his albino suit, reveals the themes: "Songs of Philadelphia" (a.k.a. "Songs by Gamble & Huff") and "Songs of Nashville". A country theme? I can't imagine who (coughCarriecough) that would be geared for.

She is up first and singing the Dixie Chick's "Sin Wagon". She certainly seems in her element, much more so than last week. Like Randy, I can hear this song on her future country album, but it wouldn't be enough to make me buy it. This was her genre, her strength, and she didn't miss.

Bo is taking on some Travis Tritt. Some very slow, very mellow Tritt. If someone could break Bo's habit of lugging around microphone stands, I'd be happier. The rest of him can stay the same, just lose the stand. Simon calls it a boring performance. I agree, but it's my kind of boring. The original version of "It's a Great Day to be Alive" is slightly more interesting.

Now we have Vonzell doing a Trisha Yearwood tune. I'm worried about this performance. She seems shaky and nervous and her pitch seems off, but her dress is rather nice. Great, I'm sounding like Paula. She's singing "How Do I Live", a song that both Trisha and LeAnn Rimes tackled. This wasn't very good at all. She needs a strong second song to stay in the competition.

Paula coaxes tears from Vonzell. I don't know the reason why, but she says she's been having a tough day. Instead of her usual giggles, she is crying. I wonder what happened. Oh, look, I have a whole commercial break to ponder.

We're back with Anthony. He's about to take on Lonestar's "I'm Already There". Harry Potter is wearing a denim jacket this week. He somehow pulls off a decent performance. I think it's because I've come to expect cheesy from him. Simon calls the song gooey and syrupy. It's actually one of my favorite syrup songs.

We're leaving Nashville and heading to Philadelphia for some tunes by Gamble and Huff, who just happen to be in the audience. Carrie will be singing "If You Don't Know Me By Now". She seems extremely uncomfortable and that makes me uncomfortable. Can it end already? This wasn't the right song for her at all. It's a mix of boring, wrong notes and more boring. Instead of blaming the performer, Simon blames the band. It wasn't the band.

Bo is singing "For the Love of Money", the theme from The Apprentice. He is now the one in his element. His second song is stronger and more memorable. The crowd goes wild. I think he made The Donald proud.

Vonzell is singing "Don't Leave Me This Way". She has regained her composure and looks at ease with this musical style. It was a great way to close her night. She rocked it. Okay, back in three and a half, semi-live.

Anthony is being a copycat and singing the same song as Carrie. What will that sound like? Will it be just as boring? Can Fedorov survive another insipid performance? He's singing. Okay, wow, from the first note, his rendition is ten times better. He's putting so much heart and personality into it. It's a completely different song. I don't want to say it, but I'm proud of him. He had two decent performances tonight.

I'm torn. By default, Bo and Vonzell are in my top two. I was all set to say so long to Anthony, but after tonight, I'm not opposed to seeing Carrie leave tomorrow. Ryan is signing off and so am I. That was my semi-live recap of Al. Now it's time to watch the season finale of Scrubs.

Last night's American Idol was the second worst episode of the finals. The theme was "Songs of the Last Five Years" or, as I'm calling them, "The Aught Nots". I try not to be too cynical or critical about the contestants, but last night, they all seemed eager to annoy me and give me reasons to dislike them.

To stretch six two-minute performances over an hour, we visited each of the contestant's families and hometowns. They were praisefests that painted the finalists as saints destined for musical greatness. I wouldn't have a problem with the testimonials if they were followed by blow-me-away performances, but they weren't. The gushing sucked the reality right of the room and it all returned the instant the singing began. On live television and in front of millions of adoring fans, six innocent songs were maimed.

Carrie tackled a Martina McBride song and even wore a cowgirl outfit to really bring home the fact that she's country through and through. I figured that out all on my own eight weeks ago, but maybe she was worried I had forgotten after seeing her "Barbie meets Stepford Wives" hair and wardrobe last week. Her performance was stale and off-key. She'll come in third this week.

Bo followed with Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want To Be". It was my favorite song of the night and fit the image he's trying to project. He gave it a solid nod, but I was disappointed that he didn't even try to go for the high notes, leaving it to the backup singers to fill in the holes. Of course, maybe a seasoned performer knows his limits and knows that trying to hit a note and missing is worse than omitting it. It's the SAT approach to singing. Anyway, I have no idea what he was wearing, but it was colorful and ugly and his Lenny Kravitz sunglasses didn't help in the fashion department. That aside, I'd give him second place.

Next was "The Vonz", whose nickname I've given up trying to understand. She sang "I Turn to You" by Christina Aguilera. She hit most of the notes and tried to reach the high ones. Picture the music measures as shelves in a grocery store and each note as a can of soup. It was as if she was trying to grab a can of clam chowder from the top shelf and barely touching the bottom with the tip of her fingers. She really needed the musical equivalent of stepping stool. Her constituency and most of America will find her endearing and vote her into first place.

Anthony then attempted a Celine Dion song. I was expecting something horrible, but must have set my expectations too low because he didn't sound half-bad. This week, I think he will come in fourth, thanks to Constantine's stumble.

And how he stumbled. The Rocket of Novelty that launched Constantine into the stratosphere ran out of the cheese that fueled it and came plummeting back to Earth. He returned to his "rocker roots" and sang Nickelback's "How You Remind Me". The original song was a guilty pleasure that only worked for me because of Chad Kroeger's gravelly (some would say annoying) voice. Constantine's voice didn't come anywhere close to sounding half as tough or angry. The performance felt hollow and weak and no amount of flashing lights or camera kicks could save it. His rocket will crash into fifth place. Finally.

Last up was Scott. Anthony may have sung "I Surrender", but Scott looked and sounded like he surrendered. His heart wasn't in the performance and, for the first time, he took the judge's criticism without talking back or being disrespectful. He looked resigned and he'll be going home tonight.

After a few weeks of unoriginal themes, I actually would like the show to return to last year's idea of focusing on a particular artist's song catalog. I'd like to see the remaining contestants take on Roy Orbison, Bruce Springsteen or even Elvis Presley. Having the Idol wannabes take on proven American idols would spice up the last of the season.

This will probably come as shock to many people, but last Tuesday, I didn't watch American Idol. Don't get me wrong. At home, there's a valuable videotape sitting in a VCR that contains the episode. The tape should also hold Scrubs and The Office, but they're not the priority. I will hopefully get to sit down and watch it tonight.

Unfortunately, I really want to write an American Idol recap. Not seeing the show makes the task difficult, but not impossible. There's only one minor drawback: being completely wrong. I'm not going to let that stop me. So, here we go.

Tuesday, on American Idol...

Unhappy about having to wear a suit and tie last Wednesday, Ryan made his hair extra spiky and wore a t-shirt that read, "I have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and you are?" He then introduced Randy, Paula and Simon and made a joke about Simon wearing the same clothes every day, which isn't as much funny as it is true. Simon gave Ryan a withering look while thinking of a clever way to call him gay.

There was then the Coke-sponsored segment showing Ryan making the contestants guess this week's theme...

Ryan: It's from a game on a show Drew Carey once hosted.
Constantine: Who?
Ryan: He would introduce it with the line, "With the help of Laura Hall on piano."
Contestants: (blank looks)
Ryan: Drew would also say, "It's time for our favorite game in the whole wide world!" (whispers something into Anwar's ear)
Anwar: Motown?
Ryan: Hoedown! That's right!

As a special surprise, the house band got the night off and Laura Hall performed on the piano. Now, I could go into gruesome detail about each performance, but if you've been watching the show recently, you know that performances don't matter. This explains why Scott and Anthony are still around to torture millions of viewers.

After one of many commercial breaks, Ryan interviewed Drew Carey, who just "happened" to be in the audience.

Ryan: So, Drew, Simon thought Constantine mangled Hoedown, but since you are the Hoedown expert, tell us what you thought of Constantine.
Drew: Who?
Ryan: The tall guy who can't stop gazing longingly into the cameras.
Drew: Oh, him. Yeah, he mangled it, but I hardly noticed after he hypnotized me with those dreamy eyes.
Ryan: I know what you mean. What did you think of the other performers so far?
Drew: Oh, are we still talking about that? Because I'm really only here to promote Whose Line Is It Anyway?: The Animated Series coming to Fox this summer.

By the end of the "imaginary" episode, I already knew who was going to be in the bottom three. It didn't require much psychic ability to predict that it would be Scott, Anthony and Anwar.

Now, if I hadn't seen Wednesday's episode, you might be reading about how Scott was eliminated and escorted off the stage by mean looking king penguins. How, in another Idol scandal, animal rights activists accused the penguins of being on "the cream" and "the clear". And how the birds' attorneys denied these allegations and said their clients thought they were only using fish oil.

Unhappily, I saw the real thing and the sad truth is that Anwar received the lowest number of votes. While he was one of my favorites, I was slowly accepting the fact that he probably wouldn't make it into the final two. I just didn't expect to see him leaving before Scott or Anthony. With any luck, those two will be the next two gone. Of course, with my luck, it's more likely I'll see king penguins doing a Hoedown with Laura Hall.

Yesterday wasn't a very good day. If I were a Sim, you would've seen a pink diamond hovering above my head. I felt better once I left the office. One reason for my improved mood was the chance to finally sit down and write about Tuesday's American Idol. The small things give me joy. Of course, I was only able to extract it from my PDA this morning, so here it is...

After last night's run, I got back to the house with just enough time to shower before AI came on. It has been my experience that everything seems better after a good run. Colors look brighter, food tastes better, people are nicer and Idol contestants sound better. This may not be the case in reality, but it's hard to tell when on a runner's high.

This week, contestants performed songs released in the year they were born. If I had to choose a tune from my birth year, I would go with "Annie's Song" by John Denver. It's simple, sweet and sounds great in the shower.

Nadia started the night off with "When I Dream", a slow, sultry song that she didn't sell well. Paula complimented her appearance, which is Paula-speak for "I didn't like your singing." I predict Nadia will receive the second lowest number of votes.

Bogart rocked "Free Bird". He may not be the best singer in the competition, but I like the quality of his voice. I can easily imagine hearing it on the radio. He also has this presence on stage I find engaging. It wasn't his best song, but it wasn't bad. With the way America has been voting, he will receive the third lowest number of votes.

Anwar sang "I'll Never Love This Way Again". It's unusual for guys on Idol to perform songs originally done by women. It's ambitious and risky, but Anwar has done it twice. A few weeks ago, he attempted Chaka Khan and fell short. This week, he sang Dionne Warwick and shined. His voice, control and range were working fine.

Then Anthony "Potter" Fedorov surprised me by wearing normal clothing. He sang "Everytime You Go Away" and actually did a decent job.. I still say he's this year's John Stevens, but his voice is much better than the red-haired crooner's.

On AI, it's all about the song choice. The selection becomes more critical if a contestant occupied the popularity basement the week before. Vonzell had a big decision to make, but as the grail knight from Indiana Jones would say, she chose... wisely. "Let's Hear it For the Boy" was an energetic, upbeat tune that she sold with gusto.

With his rendition of "She's Gone", Scott got my vote for most improved. In a week, he raised his game from dismal to merely uninspiring. It's a huge leap, but I predict he'll be the one saying goodbye to Idol Island this week.

Country Carrie tried to rock with "Love is a Battlefield". She made her voice gravelly, but I was unconvinced. It felt like a Nadia song. Simon said it was like watching a kitten that wants to be a tiger and I agree.

Constantine closed the show with Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody". I give him seven for showmanship, six for singing and three for the tongue. Simon called it "astonishing", which is as ambiguous as saying something is "interesting". The last few weeks have shown that Constantine excels at novelty songs, but I wonder if his novelty will soon wear off.

For the first time ever, I correctly predicted the bottom three. Of course, I completely messed up the sequence. Scott somehow eluded elimination and Nadia was sent packing. I haven't been as diligent as I should be about voting, but I'm definitely dialing Bo's digits next week. No more of this bottom three nonsense. Okay, no more Idol talk for at least five entries.

I'm still miffed about last week's AI results show. For the second week in a row, America voted off the wrong person. I don't know why it happened. All I know is what I witnessed.

First, they had last season's Idol, Fantasia Barrino, perform. She didn't as much sing "I Believe" as scream it, but to her credit, she screamed it in tune. It was a raspy scream, which I hope was as painful for her as it was for me. She was out of breath before the song ended. When asked what advice she'd give to this season's contestants, she said, "Act ugly!" I don't know what that means exactly, but I hope to apply it to my own life someday.

After that, Seacrest wasted little time and announced that Nikko, Vonzell and Scott were in the bottom three. I understood why Scott was there, but beyond that, I was confused.

This is probably a good time to review Tuesday's performances. The night's theme was Broadway musicals, which probably explains a lot by itself. I braced myself for the worst.

Scott attempted to sing "The Impossible Dream" and justified my anxiety. He started shaky, played hide and seek with a few correct notes in the middle and finished shaky. He was my first bottom three nominee.

Then Constantine took "My Funny Valentine" for a spin. With my eyes closed, he was amazing. With my eyes open, he was creepy. Like those eerie portraits found in haunted mansions, his eyes seemed to follow me. I don't want to admit it, but he's been sounding better ever since he abandoned his rock star persona. I have this unsettling feeling he's going to be in the final four.

Of all the songs Carrie could've chosen from The King and I, she picked the monotonous "Hello, Young Lovers". It reminded me of reheated pizza: bland and a bit soggy. Based on one night's performance, she was my second nominee for the bottom three.

After nailing a Whitney hit, a confident Vonzell tackled a Streisand classic. While Simon downplayed her rendition of "People", I thought she was the best female singer of the night.

Next up was Anthony, who looked and sounded sloppy. His pop version of "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" was ghastly. He secured the third and final nomination for the basement.

Up to this point, everybody had ditched their unique styles and attempted to fit into the Broadway mold. Nikko didn't abide and applied his R&B grooves to "One Hand, One Heart", a ballad from West Side Story. I admire him for giving the song his personal touch, but I must admit to liking the original version better.

Anwar was back to show he was not a one-note wonder. With "If Ever I Would Leave You", he gave everything to every note and I was relieved. The past few weeks shook my faith, but if he can keep it up, he'll be there with Constantine.

Like Nikko, Bo kept his style intact as he sang "Corner of the Sky". Simon thought it was his second consecutive substandard performance. I disagree. Bo has been consistently good throughout the series. He brings an undeniable energy to every song.

Nadia was the last to perform. Her rendition of "As Long As He Needs Me" was okay. The individual notes were strong, but she covered only a small vocal range, which made the song sound repetitive and boring.

In the end, Nikko went home (again) and for the second week in a row, the weakest performers avoided elimination. I think those who voted for Anthony need a good smack upside the head. They also need to have their phones confiscated. People like to compare Anthony to a certain Idol runner-up, but he's no Clayken. He more closely resembles last season's John Stevens and I hope he gets the boot soon.

Last Wednesday night, before I could post my recap, Fox aired the American Idol results show. I had called the producers to see if they could postpone the episode and repeat Tuesday's performances (with new critiques), but they said they were unwilling to pull the same publicity stunt two weeks in a row.

Thanks to a cataclysmic lapse in consciousness (a.k.a. a nap), I missed the first ten minutes of Tuesday's show. By the time I was alert and able to turn on the television, the second performer, Jessica, was already on stage. While she sang something forgettable by Leann Rimes, I kept thinking, "Who performed first? Please don't let it be Bo!"

Anwar, my longtime favorite, was next to sing. He performed "I Believe I Can Fly". I don't know if other contestants have been adding kryptonite to his food, but his super powers of consistency and voice control seem to be gone. While the other two judges were critical, Paula showered him with over-the-top compliments. I might be imagining things, but she seemed tipsy.

Nadia returned from hair purgatory and redeemed herself with a Melissa Etheridge song. All three judges said it was much better than last week. She sounded the same to me. I think they were just elated that she wasn't sporting a mohawk.

We then saw and heard the softer side of Constantine, which was weird because Constantine doesn't have a harder side. Simon got it right to call him a pop singer. Of course, Simon also said that he was better than Bo, which made my jaw drop for two reasons.

First, I couldn't think of any possible way that Constantine could be better than Bo. Even if Bo were to mime his song or sing like Alvin the Chipmunk, he would still be better. Second, I realized that Bo had been the first performer. I suddenly had the urge to change the channel and watch the rest of Scrubs, but denial overcame me. I kept watching and waiting for the Bo, hoping against all odds that he'd show up.

I closed my eyes and said, "Now!" I opened them again and it was Nikko Smith. He sang a song I didn't like, but he sang it well. Unlike Anwar, he chooses tunes that highlight the strong part of his range.

Anthony, the unBo, performed next. What I found outstanding: his huge silver belt buckle, his nuclear green shirt and his fake beard. What I didn't find outstanding: his performance.

Losing hope, I repeated, "Now!" But Carrie showed up instead and sang "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. On the bright side, she finally looked relaxed and so did her hair.

Scotty "The Body" (as Seacrest calls him) Savol's usually spot-on voice faltered this week. To get back in form, he may need to return to his funky shades and crooked cap.

My irrational Bo hope was down to the last performer. I closed my eyes again, but shut them tighter and opened them slowly. Everything was blurry and at first, I thought my wish had come true and Bo was on stage, but my vision soon cleared and Bo became Vonzell. That transformation was frightening. Anyway, she belted a Whitney Houston power ballad and simply nailed it.

By the end of Tuesday, I was positive only guys would be in the bottom three. My prediction was Anwar, Scott and Anthony, with Anthony going home. Showing how wrong I could be, the public chose Nadia, Anwar and Jessica. With the way he performed, I thought Anwar would get the boot, but Jessica got it instead. This week, I don't know if the music teacher can prove himself worthy of another chance. All I know is that I'm not going to miss Bo.

I was going to write about Tuesday night's episode yesterday, but then I heard about the phone number debacle and the encore episode, so I held off. I then made the mistake of reading somebody else's recap of the show. It was roll-on-the-floor funny, but left me feeling untalented by comparison. So I had to wait a day to feel the inspiration to give my recap a go.

First, the top five things that distracted me during Tuesday's show:

1. Hair. Everybody seemed to be having a bad hair show.
2. Ryan's t-shirt. All I remember was that is was red. Tight and red.
3. The tiny orchestra accompanying the rock band. I could see them. I just couldn't hear them.
4. Paula Abdul's inability to keep her hands and lips off of Simon Cowell.
5. Hair. It was so bad, I had to mention it twice.

Now, here are my thoughts on this week's performances. In the spirit of Whose Line is it Anyway?, I'll be giving out points, but remember, the points don't matter. Just like my opinions about these performances, they don't mean a thing.

As I watched Anthony Fedorov sing "I Knew You Were Waiting For Me", I wasn't really listening. All I could hear was this tiny voice in my head saying, "Good golly, if you close one eye and tilt your head to the right, he looks kind of like a blond Harry Potter." A thousand points for Gryffindor.

Remember, the points don't matter, so 1,000 could be good, bad or worth only 1,216 Canadian points.

After Carrie Underwood sang "Alone", Simon declared her the winner, claiming she would be the Best Idol Ever. I didn't see it. The only thing I saw was her hair, which looked like it lost a horrific battle to a curling iron and then went through a hairspray hurricane. 1,100 points after a 900-point deduction for the hair.

Scott Savol sang "Against All Odds". I'm not a big fan of his baseball cap or sunglasses, so when he tossed them away, I was actually relieved. 2,500 points for the crazy good voice and for ditching the costume.

Bo Bice sang "Time in a Bottle", the first Billboard #1 hit not from the eighties. I love the song. While listening to him, I forgot that I was watching Idol. 3,000 points for a sincere performance and song selection.

Nikko Smith sang Sisqo's "Incomplete". The performance was "just okay" for me. After a 500-point deduction for not singing the "Thong Song", 1,800 points.

Vonzell Solomon sang "Best of My Love". She finally seemed to get everything in gear. Not much else to say, but 3,500 points for an awesome performance.

Constantine Maroulis sang "I Think I Love You" by the Partridge Family (+500), which was unexpected (+500). He gave it a twist (+500), but it was a Constantine twist (-500). On the plus side, he still makes Ryan look like a midget (+300). It all equals 1,300 points.

Nadia Turner sang "Time After Time". When asked if she wanted a mohawk, Nadia should have said no, but instead of a simple no, she should have spiced it up David-Spade-style and asked for a nohawk or a nonytail or just her usual, ultra-cool afno. 500 points for the scary hair.

Mikalah Gordon sang "Love Will Lead You Back". One would think a girl who sounds like Taylor Dayne could sing Taylor Dayne. One would be wrong. It was the worst performance of the evening. Taking that into account, along with the Mikalah Factor, she receives -500 points.

Anwar Robinson sang "Ain't Nobody". It was a weak performance, which is hard to say since I like him. He had a few good notes, but they were utterly outnumbered by the bad ones. On the upside, he didn't have a mohawk. 600 points.

Finally, Jessica Sierra sang the sixth song from the 80s and the second from 1983. I don't know what it is about "Total Eclipse of the Heart", but I really dig it. I didn't think she did as much with it as she possibly could, but it was still darn good. 2,611 points, just because I can.

Tonight, I predict that Anthony, Nikko and Mikalah will be in the bottom three. And maybe, if the points can matter just this once, Mikalah will be going home.

[I wonder what it would look like if I had remote control that could channel surf through different topics in one entry. I bet it would read something like this...]

This morning, as I rode the train to work, rain clouds obscured the hills to the east where a quarry had set up shop not so long ago. It's an ugly sight. A deep brown shelf cut into the green hillside. As a security measure, the company erected perimeter lights, two amber lamps mounted on each post. They're hardly noticeable on most days, but today, shrouded by dark gray clouds, the lamps glowed eerily like the eyes of bats hanging from the ceiling of a cave.

[Hills, bats, clouds, blah blah blah. Change.]

I suppose one could compare going through life to drifting on the ocean. Of course, I suppose one could also compare going through life to licking a llama's left ear, but likely with more difficulty and a funny taste on the tongue. I was actually going to make the life-ocean comparison, but now I can't concentrate. There's an image of a llama in my head that won't go away.

[Uh, I'd rather not find out where that's going. Change!]

[Photo Channel? Seagull Channel? Keep going.]

Did you notice ABC's commercials for Grey's Anatomy feature "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service? It would be quite cool if they used it as the show's theme song, but they'll probably go with something standard by W.G. Snuffy Walden. It reminds me of when UPN first promoted Enterprise with The Calling's "Wherever You Will Go" and then went with a Diane Warren song as the theme. I felt a little robbed.

[Music and television. Not a bad mix. Let's see what else is on.]

i wuz liKe. omg! i <3 coffE!

[Okay, I love coffee, but that's not my journal. Go back!]

I'm tempted to watch the new medical drama just because Sandra Oh is one of the stars (along with Patrick Dempsey from Once and Again). I know she was on HBO's Arli$$, but since I'm allergic to cable television, I never watched it. The first time I saw her was in Long Life, Happiness and Prosperity at an Asian film festival two years ago. After that, I remember seeing her in Under the Tuscan Sun and Sideways. I've begun losing interest in Desperate Housewives, so perhaps this show will keep me tuned to the tube on Sundays.

[Okay, that's enough. It's a good thing this journal doesn�t come with a remote. Too much topic surfing makes me dizzy.]

This was written yesterday, before the elimination show.

Tuesday's episode of American Idol was all about bigger: bigger auditorium, bigger audience, bigger stage and bigger stakes. Unfortunately, most of the performers had trouble with bigger. They seemed awfully small as they sang songs from the sixties. This new level of magnification revealed flaws in contestants who appeared flawless just a week ago. Because the final twelve is a big deal in the AI universe, here is a line or two about each contestant.

Jessica was the first big performer who seemed to shrink. She lost some of her stage presence and power. Perhaps the lighted American Idol sign, revolving around the tower onstage, distracted her. I know it certainly distracted me.

Anwar sang "A House is Not A Home", which is apparently the only song Burt Bacharach ever wrote. The judges weren't impressed. While it wasn't my favorite performance from him, I thought he showed consistency and control.

After Mikalah performed, Simon said her confidence exceeded her ability. I completely agree. Something about Mikalah bothers me. It's mean to say, but I think it's Mikalah. I can only hope she annoyed enough of America to put her in the bottom two tonight.

Constantine had a decent performance. Randy called it his strongest to date. I wouldn't go that far, but he probably shouldn't go home this week. If a guy has to go, he has my vote, but I think a woman is leaving tonight.

Listening to Lindsey was painful. Her whole performance, dance moves included, made me cringe. If she doesn't end up in the bottom two, I'll be surprised.

Anthony sang a Neil Sedaka tune. His voice has a wonderful quality about it, but he somehow managed to make the performance ordinary.

Nadia. What can I say about Nadia? She was awesome. She changed it up, chose a slow song, but still gave it her own twist. She took the stage with confidence and the confidence was justified. To me, she rocks harder than Constantine does and she can do it in a dress.

Bo sang "Spinning Wheel" and he commanded the stage. I wish he didn't tote the microphone stand with him the entire time, but that's nitpicking. He doesn't have a great range like Anwar, but I dig his voice.

Vonzell sang a Dionne Warwick song and it was okay. She will need to be more than just okay if she wants to make it into the final six.

Scott is another guy with a good voice, but he projects this attitude that seems to say, "I'm cool and I don't care." Personally, I don't find that very appealing. I wouldn't be surprised if he's one of the first three guys gone.

For someone who showed so much promise early on, Carrie continues to disappoint me. She can sing country and country can be cool, but she seems to be squandering her chances to impress.

Finally, there was Nikko, the show's phoenix. Mario's mysterious exit gave him a second chance to shine. He sang something by the Jackson Five and sang it well enough to stay another week.

To sum it all up, as long as the singer going home tonight is named Mikalah, Lindsey or Constantine, I'll be happy.

Update: Last night, Lindsey, Mikalah and Jessica were in the bottom three. Lindsey was eliminated, but not before she mangled sang "Knock on Wood" again.

Back in 2002, Joss Whedon, the creative force behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, took a break from vampires and demons to create Firefly, a western set five hundred years in the future. It was a great show with creative concepts, interesting characters, clever dialogue and low ratings. Fox canceled it after nine episodes.

Thankfully, the complete series made it to DVD (all 14 filmed episodes), so I was able to add the four-disc set to my Netflix queue. I recently finished the first disc and just started the second one. The show is as good as I remembered it. Actually, after listening to the commentary by Whedon and Nathan Fillion, who played Captain Malcolm Reynolds, it's better than I remember.

Like most of my favorite shows, Firefly has a great theme song. The lyrics that capture the spirit of the story are set to a simple country tune. It's not as easy to hum as, say, the theme from Lost, but then again, most songs aren't.

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me

Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found serenity
But you can't take the sky from me

In September, the show is slated to hit the silver screen as Serenity. I would have preferred more seasons on television, but I guess I'll have to settle for a major motion picture (and possible sequels) instead.

I wrote the following paragraphs yesterday at lunch, but wasn't able to post it before last night's episode.

Last week, I made predictions as to who would go this week. I'm going to modify my answers a little, taking into account those who seem more vulnerable after the last two days of performances.

For the guys, I still believe Constantine Maroulis will leave. Simon got it right when he called his performance a bad impression of Sting. If Maroulis was competing against the girls, he might have stuck around another week, but he's up against stiff competition and he just wasn't that good.

The other guy I said would go was Scott, but I'm changing my answer. Instead, I think it will be Travis Tucker. He sang a Bobby Brown song and it was awful. Simon got it right again when he said Tucker performed like a dancer first and a singer second. He has the moves, but not the vocals.

For the women, I still think Amanda Avila is going home. She seemed to improve over the last couple of weeks, but its because she chose songs that hid her voice.

Last week, I thought Lindsey Cardinale would be gone, but after Simon's Seacrest insult, she'll be saved from elimination by irate Ryan fans. With that in mind, I'm guessing that Janay Castine will be shown the door this week.

That�s as far as I got, so here are my thoughts after last night�s episode.

America eliminated Amanda, Janay, Travis and Nikko. Why they sent Nikko home and not Constantine is a mystery to me. I wasn�t expecting to see him anywhere near the bottom two after his solid rendition of "Georgia on my Mind". It's disappointing to see another strong performer leave prematurely.

Just so I have it written down somewhere, Bo Bice sang "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain. I don't know about his performance, but I like him and I like the song. My concern is that he's going to lose his edge in the coming weeks as the show moves to themes and genres. Can Bo adapt and sing country, motown or Barry Manilow?

Anwar Robinson had the best performance of the week with "What a Wonderful World". The guy is a joy to listen to every time. Whenever I hear him, it feels like he could hit any note or go anywhere with the melody and it would sound beautiful.

Wednesday's episode of American Idol was three parts predictable and two parts puzzling.

After listening to the performances this week, it seemed pretty obvious as to who was going home. With such a large group still competing and a major quality gap separating the top and bottom performers, the public is typically good at spotting and weeding out the weak. That, to me, explains why the journeys of Celena, Joseph and David ended this week. That doesn't explain why Aloha also had to say good-bye.

She wasn't one of my favorites, but I was disappointed to see her go just the same. I thought she would be around for at least a few more weeks. Yet, through the miracle of popular voting, a strong singer and performer got the boot. How did it happen? What went wrong? I have three working theories:

1. The Unalaska Virus. People voted for her, but thanks to a mysterious telephone virus on Tuesday night, any number dialed that ended in "1" was rerouted to a remote phone booth in Unalaska, Alaska.
2. The Big Typo. Thanks to horrible keyboard skills, somebody accidentally typed A-L-O-H-A when they meant to type J-A-N-A-Y, an easy enough mistake to make.
3. The Backlash. After seeing Alicia Keys perform at both the Super Bowl and the Grammies and watching Beyonce Knowles sing three songs at the Oscars, the public couldn't take it anymore. Aloha, who sang songs by both artists, became an unsuspecting victim in a growing Alicia/Beyonce backlash.

The other thing that puzzled me was something Joseph Murena said. The mediocre contestant claimed to see nothing wrong with his bland performance. In a state of denial, he blamed his lack of votes on a lack of exposure time. Melinda Lira gave the same excuse after her elimination last week. I don't buy their argument.

For a good performer, more time in front of the camera means more minutes to shine and impress viewers. If it came down to a face-off between two equally good performers, more exposure might make a difference. But for a bad performer, more time in front of the camera only means more time to hammer the final nail in the coffin of his or her dream. Less exposure for some folks isn't necessarily a bad thing. To say it another way, dirt doesn't become chocolate just because you eat more of it.

I need to write this down before the results show airs in less than two hours. This week, the men "raised their game", while the women maintained.

I think David Brown and Joseph Murena will be the two guys to go. They may have been better this week, but they were still at the bottom of the heap. If my prediction is right and everybody remains consistent, then Constantine and Scott will probably be the next two eliminated next week.

Of the women, I think Celena Rae and Janay Castine will have the least number of votes. Celena seems stuck in mediocrity, while Janay can't shake her nerves. If I were to take a guess at the next pair of eliminations, I would say Amanda and Lindsey are out next Wednesday.

My favorites had up and down nights. The up night was on Monday. Anwar came alive and Bo brought down the house. Tuesday was the down night. Carrie and Nadia both strayed from their comfort zones and seemed to lose momentum. I hope all four of them make it to the final twelve.

(Note to self: The next entry must make no mention of AI. Consider sharing a pretty photograph and writing an entry with more than 200 words.)

I fully intended to write about the women of American Idol on Wednesday morning, but like other plans, this one also went astray. Now, I can pretend to write this as though I didn't see Wednesday night's results show, but I wouldn't be fooling anyone. Instead, what I can attempt to do is remain true to the notes I took while watching Tuesday's episode. Yes, I took notes. It's an illness, I know, but only a musical one, so I can dig it.

Since I used baseball as a backdrop to rate the boys, I think it only fair to use it for the girls, too.

Home Runs: Carrie Underwood, Nadia Turner, Aloha Mischeaux. Underwood sang a country song and channeled Kelly Clarkson to slam one out of the park. "Big Hair" Turner rocked one into the bleachers with stage presence and style. Mischeaux went to bat with a Beyonce song and powered it into the bleachers.

Triples: Jessica Sierra. I'm not a huge fan of "Against All Odds", but Sierra's crystal clear voice drove this one into the corner for a triple.

Doubles: Vonzell Solomon, Mikalah Gordon. Solomon sang "Heatwave", another song I don't really like, but kept the energy up throughout the performance. Gordon lined one down the first base line on personality alone. Her enthusiasm is contagious and life threatening. In my notes, I wrote, "sounds like Taylor Dayne".

Singles: Janay Castine, Sarah Mather, Lindsey Cardinale. Castine gave a decent performance despite the obvious nervousness. She didn't hit a single; she blooped one. Mather's performance was confusing. She sang a high-energy song without any energy. It was a check swing hit. As for Cardinale, I like her voice, but her performance bordered on boring.

Outs: Amanda Avila, Melinda Lira, Celena Rae. All three sang their power ballads out of tune. It was like watching a batter take a bad swing at a pitch out of the strike zone. Not pretty. Lira was exceptionally off. She made cringe and cover my eyes. I would have covered my ears, but then I would have missed the horror of it all.

For those keeping score at home, the two contestants who received the lowest number of votes were Melinda Lira and Jared Yates. I thought they both struck out and "America" agreed. Sarah Mather and Judd Harris had the second lowest vote totals. I thought they both hit singles and deserved to stick around one more week, but the text messaging public thought differently.

Whose journey will end next week? I can't wait to find out. How many times will Seacrest say "your journey ends here" or Jackson say "you have to leave it all on the stage"? I can't wait to drink a shot (of espresso) each time they do. Only three more days until the guys are back to perform.

It�s taken a few weeks for this season of American Idol to voyage through the sea of hopefuls (and hopefully nots) and reach the final pool of twenty-four. For the next three weeks, "America" will narrow each set of twelve (divided into men and women) down by two each week.

Randy Jackson claimed that this year�s guys were strong and that was evident as they took the stage. Based on last night�s performances, I already know who I want to make it through. In honor of MLB's Spring Training, which began last week, I'll be using baseball terminology to describe how I think they did. As a special treat, it will all be done without cutting to a commercial break.

Home Runs: Bo Bice, Anwar Robinson and Mario Vazquez. Bice looked like a rock star (from three decades ago, but still) and sang like one, too. He knocked "Drift Away" out of the park. Robinson, who I think has the strongest voice, hit a towering shot over the centerfield fence with "Moon River". I don't remember what Vazquez sang, but he lined one beyond the wall on charisma alone. The guy knows how to perform and looks like he's having fun.

Doubles: Scott Savol and Travis Tucker. Like Studdard or Aiken from two seasons ago, Savol has a voice that doesn't seem to match his look and he has power. Tucker has potential, but he played it safe last night and nailed a Stevie Wonder standard down the third base line for a double.

Walks: Constantine Maroulis. Simon Cowell likes to lump Maroulis with Bice. True, they both have long brown hair and the "rocker" label, but I think they're unique enough that it's unfair to group them together. He didn't mangle Seal's "Kiss From a Rose", but he didn't do anything spectacular with it either. I'm giving him an intentional walk because I like him. With the right song, I think he can hit one out.

Singles: Nikko Smith, Anthony Fedorov and Judd Harris. They all have nice vocals, but as Simon says, "So what?" Even with the help of honey and tea (and any other legal performance enhancing substances), I don't envision them hitting anything for extra bases.

Outs: David Brown, Jared Yates and Joseph Murena. Murena's singing voice has this unpleasing pleading quality to it. Some people sing, he cries. He grounded out weakly to the pitcher, who took it to the bag himself. The other two guys struck out with songs about good-bye. Brown sang "Never Can Say Good-bye" and Yates sang "How Could I (Say Good-bye)". On Idol, I think the fastest way to say farewell is to sing about how hard it is to say farewell. For the American public, it really isn't that difficult. With any luck, two of these three will be gone on Wednesday.

Tonight, the women step up to the plate and perform. If you miss it, don't worry. I'll have another exciting report tomorrow. And by "exciting", I mean exciting to me. Until then, Seacrest I'm out.

On Sunday, I watched most of Super Bowl ex ex ex eye ex (39 for non-football folks). It was the only football game I saw this season in its entirety. For the most part, the Super Bowl isn't about the football game. It's about everything before, in between and after the football game. There's the pre-game show, kickoff show, halftime show, post-game show and, of course, the multi-million-dollar commercial spots. Honestly, I would be happy if they had a pre-game halftime show, followed by a commercial-free game, followed by a game-free showcase of commercials.

This year featured the New England Patriots taking on the Philadelphia Eagles in Jacksonville, Florida. New England won their third championship in four years by a score of 24 to 21. The two preceding sentences were boring, but I know I'll appreciate them next year, as I jot down highlights from Super Bowl Extra Large.

To continue the tradition of last year's bullet points from Super Bowl 38 (ex ex ex vee eye eye eye for you football types), here are things I want to remember from Sunday's main event:

• Former presidents Clinton and Bush, Sr. looking adorable in their matching blue suits.
• Philadelphia's Westbrook and Pinkston and New England's Dillon and Faulk for reasons I won't remember in another month.
• McNabb throwing multiple interceptions and Brady fumbling a play-action fake.
• Paul McCartney's safe, but unremarkable halftime show of four songs: "Drive My Car", "Get Back", "Live and Let Die" and "Hey Jude".
• Three challenges to referee calls leading to three reversals (2 Eagles, 1 Patriots).
• T.O. proving his critics wrong with some amazing plays.
• Careerbuilder.com's chimpanzee commercials, a series of three spots featuring a lone human employee trying to survive in a corporation owned and operated by chimps.
• Brady to Branch (again and again) and Brady to Vrabel for a Super Bowl touchdown, two years in a row.
• Philadelphia's last dawdled drive, down by ten, with less than five minutes remaining in the fourth quarter. They took their time like a team unaware they were losing or unconcerned with winning.
• Ameriquest's "don't judge too quickly" commercials. Both were hilarious. One featured a convenience store clerk and his wife wrongly beating a man after mistakenly thinking his cell phone conversation was a robbery threat. The less violent spot featured a guy preparing a pasta dinner for his girlfriend before she gets home. While he's busy dicing ingredients, her white cat jumps onto the stove, knocking itself and a pot of sauce to the floor. The girlfriend comes home just as the guy is lifting the red-stained cat from the mess with one hand, unknowingly still holding the huge cutting knife with the other.

The new television season is in full swing. To honor the "fresh" batch of TV programming, I thought I'd give a snapshot of my Top 5 most eagerly awaited shows. Three premiere tonight, three are returning favorites and three are on the WB. That equals five, right? Here we go...

1. Everwood
2. Scrubs
3. Smallville
4. Lost
5. The Mountain

Another show that looks like it could be good for a laugh is the WB's Drew Carey's Green Screen Show, which features most of the cast from Whose Line is it Anyway? as well as some new improvisational blood. The concept sounds interesting, but I wonder how well the group can pull it off.

Traffic: Light. No accidents on the 101 or 280.
Weather: Clear skies with a slight breeze. Feels in the mid-60s.
Sports: Giants sweep the Dodgers and have a six-game winning streak.
News: Today is Friday. That's newsworthy, right?

Whenever I go to a 50's style diner that offers a wide selection of burgers, it's amusing to order a salad. The grilled chicken salad at Peggy Sue's isn't bad.

As soon as I got home, I sat down at the piano and opened the cover. I wiggled my fingers and shook my wrists to loosen things up and played an 88-key chromatic scale. It sounded beautiful and in tune. Keys were no longer stuck and major chords no longer sounded minor. A music book rested on top of the piano and I pulled it down to play the first official piece. It was open to "My Foolish Heart" by Ned Washington and Victor Young, a song written fifty-five years ago for a movie of the same name.

Speaking of movies, I'm trying NetFlix for the next two weeks. People have been raving about the service and I was searching for somewhere that had a better selection than the local Blockbuster. The first three DVDs in my queue are supposed to arrive tomorrow, so if anybody sees me hanging around the community mailbox, that's the reason. If the mail carrier happens to deliver them while I'm making a quick Starbucks run (because he or she has been waiting for the strange guy to move away from the mailbox), I'll hopefully find upon my return...

1. Seven Samurai
2. Step Into Liquid
3. The Triplets of Belleville

On an unrelated note, I really like the animated United Airlines commercials. They are warm sixty-second stories set to George Gerswhin's "Rhapsody in Blue" and contain almost no dialogue. My favorite has to be "Interview" by Wendy Tilby and Amanda Forbis, about a man flying to an interview and realizing, too late, that his shoes don't match. The artwork and music make the ad an enjoyable one to watch.

Set a television show in Hawaii and I'll watch at least one episode. Will Fox's North Shore be any good? Unlikely. My gut tells me that it will be another Hotel Malibu, but with island eye candy this time. Yet I'll happily sit through it if sacrificing an hour of my time will encourage the network to produce more shows like The O.C. and Arrested Development and air less reality programming like The Simple Life and The Swan.

My modem is so slow that uploading a series of photos is a multi-day process. Last night, I diligently typed in clever captions and hurriedly rotated sideways pictures before pressing the submit button. I was rushing since American Idol was about to begin. 0% complete.

I left the computer to work its 56k magic and returned an hour later for a progress check. I did this while cycling through and dialing Fantasia's three voting numbers. 5% complete.

I decided to watch So Close. It was a seven-day rental and I had postponed seeing it for a week. The action sequences were sweet once I accepted that the effects of shattered glass and gravity were inconsequential to the filmmakers. Despite the muddled story line, the three lead actresses, especially Karen Mok, made the film enjoyable to watch. I also liked the movie more as soon as I switched the audio track from dubbed English to subtitled Cantonese. 15% complete.

I took a shower, hit the sack and fell asleep while watching Jay Leno. The last thing I remember was a biologist discussing the Crittercam. Something woke me up around three in the morning. I lazily scrounged around for the remote, rewound the tape in the VCR and watched a blurry Alanis Morissette perform "Everything" on Ellen. Halfway through the song, I remembered the computer and crawled out of bed to check it. 45% complete and the connection had been lost.

I slumped into the computer chair and contemplated setting everything back up to finish uploading, but I was suddenly too drowsy to operate the mouse and keep my eyes open simultaneously. I shut down the system, stumbled back to bed, pulled the sheets over my head and mumbled into my pillow, "Better to deal with it tomorrow."

Well, tomorrow is here and I'm dealing with it, but it isn't any better. This should be fun. Maybe it will finally motivate me to invest in high speed internet access. Just a thought. I exaggerate, of course. This is really only a minor inconvenience, but it's fun to complain. Okay, I should stop now and post this entry because my modem will need to muster all the bandwidth it can once the uploading begins.

(While looking for links, I stumbled across the news that Pepsi Smash, one of my favorite shows from last summer, will return tomorrow (May 27th) with bands like Hoobastank and Limp Bizkit. I'll go program the VCR now.)

Based on how quickly I hit my remote control's help!-get-me-out-of-here button, I believe and fervently hope that John, Jon Peter and Camile will be in the bottom three tonight. Averting eyes, covering ears and cringing in agony are all part of the Idol experience, but not this late in the competition.

Jon Peter sang "Rocket Man", a song that also appears on William Hung's newly released album. It often looks like multiple people are controlling JP's body and he isn't one of them. His free arm shoots out a beat after it should, his head swivels oddly and he seems to lurch across the stage.

John Stevens performed "Crocodile Rock" and I fell off the couch when he went into his falsetto. While he should be the one going home tonight, his adoring fans will likely prolong his public humiliation and send Camile Velasco packing. I like her, but her rendition of "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" was horrendous.

While some of the women continue to impress me with their strong performances, Mr. Huff was my favorite. He took "Take Me to the Pilot" and gave it his trademark jolt of exuberance. He looks nervous when he isn't performing, but once he starts doing his thing, he looks like a natural. I hope he sticks around until the end.

I have two hours before the American Idol results show airs here on the west coast, so I thought I would write up a spoiler revealing who will be sent home tonight.

For those who missed last night's two-hour episode, here is a biased recap. The eleven finalists sang country songs. As always, La Toya London rocked. My favorites? John Stevens with Roger Miller's "King of the Road" and Fantasia Barrino with Willie Nelson's "Always On My Mind". The rest were "aight", but forgettable. Simon's latest phrase, "Let me finish, let me finish..."

Cut to tonight's show. It'll be 29 minutes of stall and 1 minute of results. Yet, I'll still watch it. Seacrest, as he affectionately refers to himself these days, will be smooth with Randy, suave with Paula and snide with Simon. The finalists will sing a medley of country tunes and attempt to line dance (again). There'll be a break.

Seacrest will "accidentally" bump into Peter Gallagher, who sits patiently in the audience, waiting to promote The O.C.. Kimberley Locke will then perform her latest single. Another break.

One by one, Ryan will tell each contestant if they are "safe" or not. He'll say something like, "Jon Peter Lewis. J-P-L. Randy said you were tall, Paula said you were short and Simon said, 'So what?' America voted and... you'll find out what they said after the break."

After the break, Camile Velasco (I like her, but I'm only 5 votes) and the stunned Diana DeGarmo join the tearful Jon Peter in the bottom three. After a quick break, Seacrest tells Diana that she is safe. Holding hands, the two remaining contestants will await the outcome.

"With more than thirty million text messages and phone calls, America spoke and... Jon Peter, I'm sorry, America has decided to crush your dreams. On the bright side, it took thirty million votes to crush them! Now, if you could pull yourself together and sing the song that failed to impress last night's audience. That would be nice. Thanks, everybody. Seacrest out!"

I watched the finale of Ed, which ended with Ed and Carol's wedding in the bowling alley. From the way the story wrapped up, it felt like the end of the series, but others said it was only a season finale. To be honest, I was starting to lose interest in the show, but felt I owed it to myself to finish what I started watching four years ago.

Last episodes, especially series finales, are usually the big payoff for regular viewers, the reward for remaining loyal and sticking with a show through thick and thin. I always expect there to be sappy moments that allow us to say our good-byes to the characters we've grown to know and love, assured they will live happily ever after, at least until the ill-conceived reunion show airs. I also expect the writers to somehow transcend themselves and give the characters poignant and memorable lines.

The closest line I could find came when Ed, speaking at the reception, tried to put the wedding in perspective. I'm paraphrasing...

"Life is divided into two parts: what is and what should be. With a lot of effort, hard work and a little luck, there are times when the two parts touch... This is one of those times."

This week has been crazy and I'm behind on many fronts, but before I completely forget, I wanted to note some highlights from this year's Super Bowl held in Houston. The New England Patriots surprised me by beating the Carolina Panthers. I was sure my prediction would jinx them. The world usually works that way. Thanks to my selective memory, I will remember the game fondly. Erased from my mind are any traces of erectile dysfunction commercials and halftime show stunts. I will recall:

• Josh Groban singing "You Raise Me Up" in tribute to the crew of the Columbia. The crew of the next space shuttle mission were present on the field.
• Beyonce's rousing rendition of the national anthem. She was lip-synching, but so was the orchestra.
• Both teams' stalwart defense through the first twenty-seven minutes of the game.
• New England's Troy Brown taking a heavy knee to the nose on an early punt return.
• Brady to Branch, Brady to Givvens and Delhomme to Smith. It makes sense to me today, but probably won't tomorrow.
• Adam Vinatieri missing the field goal on the first New England drive, but nailing the crucial one in the fourth quarter with nine seconds left to play.
• The priceless Simpsons Mastercard commercial and the trailers for Hidalgo, Van Helsing and Troy (Bloom alert).
• Tom Brady, the Patriots' quarterback and San Mateo native, winning his second Super Bowl ring and receiving his second MVP award. He's only twenty-six years old.

Ever since Whose Line Is It Anyway?, I've been a huge Wayne Brady fan. With the help of Laura Hall on piano, he could improvise a catchy and clever song based on audience suggestions. He excelled at musical games, like "Song Styles" and "Greatest Hits". He was so good, Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles would try to stump him with unusual song titles. One of my favorites was a country tune from Songs of the Bus Driver. It was simply called "Pfffft".

Last night's American Idol was reminiscent of Whose Line? As part of the audition process, the contestants were given six song titles to choose from and required to compose and perform an original song based on their selection. While I'm sure there were many good performances, the episode primarily highlighted the poor ones. It made me appreciate Brady's talent even more.

As a side note, if you watched last night, you probably saw Alan Ritchson claim he was fated to be the next idol because his name was in the show's title. Using his alphabetical acrobatics, I had a similar revelation. Follow closely. This gets tricky. If you remove mer, can, I and ol from American Idol, add a D and insert a v, the title also spells my name. I know. It blew me away, too. Obviously, I'm destined to be the next Clay Aiken. I mean, Ruben Studdard.

He singing was energetic and awful. His dance moves looked like he got them straight from the radio. Words can't even begin to describe the shirt he wore. Yet within a few seconds, his rendition of "She Bangs" overwrote every memory I had of Ricky Martin performing that song. Now it will forever belong to William Hung, the civil engineering major from U.C. Berkeley. He's another reason why I love American Idol.

To William's credit, he handled rejection much better than one bachelor did on The Bachelorette. With each rose he didn't receive, you could see his fuse shortening. I'm sure he'll look back fondly on his resulting temper tantrum.

Of course, I also got caught up in The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever^TM. There I was, on the edge of the couch by the seventh rose (a.k.a. the rose of indecision), doing my best impression of Charles Xavier, telepathically sending Meredith an urgent message, "Choose Lanny Lan - wait, wasn't this taped like three months ago? Crap! Who cares? Lanny!"

And when Meredith gave him the last rose, I pumped my fist and gave a victorious, "Yes! Go Lanny!" Obviously, any normal person would have reacted the same way given the situation. Don't give me that look. Trust me, plenty of people will be exhibiting similar behavior this Sunday as they watch commercials two East Coast teams play football. (Remember: Patriots win.)

This category has been ignored for a while. I've been watching television, but not to the extent I once did. Here is a snapshot of my Top 5 favorite primetime television shows...

1. The O.C.
2. Monk
3. The Bachelorette
4. American Idol 3
5. Everwood

On The Bachelorette, I enjoy observing the little interactions and exchanges between the bachelors and Meredith as they vie for her affection. I search for clues during the rose ceremony as though something can be gleaned from a sparkle in her eye, the way she smiles or her inflection as she says a bachelor's name. Although Rick, a.k.a. Mr. Happy Feet, received the white rose, I'm rooting for Chad and Lanny to win her heart.

Over the weekend, my sister and I watched the first three episodes of My So-Called Life (one of her favorite shows). There weren't any startling revelations, but a few observations.

First, when Once and Again (a show by the same producers) originally aired, I didn't make a connection between that show's oldest daughter and Angela Chase. The similarities in appearance and attitude struck me, as though the original character was so good, she had to be reincarnated.

Second, watching commercial-free television is very nice. Of course, for the price of one season, it better be. With D's birthday a month away, the series on DVD would make a great gift.

Third, we both thought most of the characters were believable, but my sister had a problem with Brian Krakow, the brainy, outcast classmate. She doesn't think any real teenage boy would ride his bike aimlessly in the street at night, sit in a tree and read a book by flashlight or have that hairstyle. I say kids like Krakow really exist, hair and all, in my humble opinion.

And finally, I'm amazed how the show still resonates with me. When I first saw it nine years ago, I really only identified with the teenagers. I didn't completely grasp the parents' point of view. They were adults after all. But now, I "get" where they are coming from. I can empathize more. It must be a sign of old age.

A new music show called Smash premiered on Wednesday. I had taped it and decided to watch it last night. It comes on right after Boarding House, which ends next week (bummer!). The surfumentary has been one of my summer favorites. I can't wait to follow the triple crown of surfing this November.

Anyway, Smash has live performances from various "big name" artists. This week's episode included The Ataris, Black Eyed Peas, Monica, Gavin DeGraw, and Evanescence. I dig the first and last groups in thr list, but the others I barely know, which is part of the show's appeal. It's great to hear something familiar and discover something new. Now if there was a series showcasing local and indie groups, that would be sweet.

The hosts were the hot and cute (or cute and hot) Emily VanCamp and Gregory Smith of Everwood. The weakest moments of the show were the interviews. Maybe they could copy Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ and have a couple of quick-thinking comedians (like Downtown) host, interview and play games (like Jenga) with the artists.

I'm hooked on Keen Eddie, a new series about an American detective in London. It stars Mark Valley (whose name I had to look up) and Sienna Miller (whose name I remembered immediately). The show uses a zippy fast-forward camera technique, which is less annoying than the slow-motion sequences of Fastlane. It's a little twisted, but I find it hilarious. It reminds me of Due South, an old show about a Canadian constable in Chicago.

Last night, I was happy to discover that the kids on American Idol would be singing hits from the Bee Gees, a group I came to appreciate after watching their PBS special a few years back. They can be overly sentimental, but I love their songwriting. They also happen to be one of my sister's favorite groups. (She has four eclectic favorites and maybe I'll list them someday, but back to the subject...)

Robin Gibb was there to help "judge". I'm still waiting for a guest judge to be more critical or even lambaste somebody. "You ruined my song! That was the worst rendition I've ever heard! Worse than William Shatner!" Telling everybody that they are brilliant, when some of them obviously aren't, doesn't help anybody.

Clay's "dance" moves made me shudder and wish he had sung "To Love Somebody" again. It was the song of the night. To later hear Josh's contrasting country version of the same song only reinforced the feeling that he should be going home tonight. Kimberley was there, but not spectacular. After the music drowned him out the first time, Ruben returned with a fine performance of "How Do You Mend A Broken Heart".

Yeah, I pay way too much attention to the show. But I figure that this entry will amuse me someday, when I want to revisit these simpler and more innocent times.

When I called my mom last night, the first words out her mouth were, "So were you shocked?! We were so shocked! I couldn't believe it! Did you see it?!" It took me a second to figure out what she was talking about. Was it about world politics or current events? No, it was about American Idol.

If I like the show, she and the rest of my family love it and many other shows. Part of the reason I watch is so that I'm not entirely clueless during family dinner conversations. I have my parents' love of television to thank for the unhealthy amount of TV trivia I still retain from my youth. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

This week, Celebrity Jeopardy! is on television. It's my favorite game show, but I hardly get a chance to watch it anymore. I try to make time for the tournaments, especially the Tournament of Champions and the College Tournament.

There is something oddly fascinating about seeing just how intelligent and smooth these highly-polished personalities are in a different environment. Who's smart and who just thinks they are? Who's been simply getting by on good writing and good looks?

Some of the celebrities who impressed me in the past include Jerry Orbach (Law & Order), Jodie Foster (Panic Room) and Andy Richter (Andy Richter Controls the Universe). This year's standout star may be Ashton Kutcher from That '70s Show, you never know.

Last night, Paige Davis (Trading Spaces), Hal Sparks (Queer as Folk) and Julie Bowen (Ed) competed. Sparks and Bowen did very well. Davis became increasingly quiet and dejected as the game progressed. She wasn't as quick with the buzzer as the other two. Sparks, who seemed to gloat after every correct answer, eventually won. His victory earned his charity, Doctors Without Borders, $50,000.

The passing of Fred Rogers was the sad news I heard this morning.

When I was very young, I remember watching him on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. My favorite part of his show was when the trolley would travel along a track through a hole in the wall on its way to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. That part stays with me because my sister and I would play make-believe when we were small (it was such an inexpensive form of entertainment).

Of the man himself, I recall his smile, his calm and gentle manner and his music. Caring, imagination and learning were three things he encouraged and reinforced in me. But most of all, I will remember Fred Rogers as somebody who personified warmth and kindness.

Perhaps I'm one of the few who still watch the Grammy Awards with the mistaken notion that it is musically relevant. Or perhaps I was only semi-coherent and too tired to change the channel when it came on. Either way, I ended up seeing it.

As with most award shows, I can do without the acceptance speeches. I was especially disappointed by the one where a whole group took turns at the microphone saying things that amounted to, "Hi Mom!" I did like the modest sentiment that John Mayer expressed in his acceptance speech, "I just want to say this is very, very fast, and I promise to catch up."

I noticed that so many of the major award winners were younger this year. Nelly, Ashanti, Mayer and Jones are all less than 25 years old. I wonder if that age group has always dominated or if I'm just noticing it now because I'm getting older.

Five other things I noted last night:

1. No Doubt, Nelly and Eminem seem to put on solid performances, regardless of the venue.
2. Faith Hill and Avril Lavigne always seem to turn in disappointing performances.
3. You can back Vanessa Carlton up with an entire orchestra, but she will never sound half as good as James Taylor accompanied by Yo-Yo Ma.
4. Having 'N Sync pay tribute to the Bee Gees seemed entirely inadequate.
5. Even after all this time, Simon & Garfunkel singing "The Sound of Silence" in a darkened arena, under a single spotlight, still makes for a great musical moment.

You are kind and gentle, smart and funny, sweet and understanding. You are educated, well-read, talented and accomplished. That is great and all, but seriously, Are You Hot?

I don't know what possessed me to change the channel, but I ended up watching that show in amazement and laughter. Young people from across the country came to show off their stuff. All of them there to answer the burning question, "Deep down, under all those complicated layers of clothing, are you hot?"

What happens when you bring only one CD to work? You end up listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers for the whole day. The song that has really grown on me is "Throw Away Your Television". Oh, if only I could, but then how would I watch Smallville or feel guilty about indulging in The Bachelorette?

Throw away your television
Take the noose off your ambition
Reinvent your intuition now
It's a repeat of a story told
It's a repeat and it's getting old

So I am watching Ed and thinking that this is a pretty good episode. The second to the last scene is set in a restaurant where Carol, Molly, and Nancy are having lunch and talking about Carol's failed date. In the background, a song is playing and it sounds oddly familiar. I listen closely and realize that it is "The Tower" by Vienna Teng! I am then thinking that this is a very good episode. I was completely blown away.

My exact expression was "Holy crap! That's Vienna!!" You would have thought I was hearing my own song. I know, I know, I don't really know her, but I did see her play live in San Francisco a couple months back. She is a local Bay Area artist who recently released a new album. It was just very cool to hear her song on national network television. Wow.

I actually watched The Bachelorette last night and watched it without much guilt. Something seems forced and unreal when one guy can have his choice out of twenty-five beautiful and intelligent women. But turn it around and it doesn't seem so far-fetched that one woman could have her way with twenty-five handsome and successful men.

I am rooting for Rob, the quiet guy from Biloxi, Mississippi. I like him because he seems sincere, his name isn't Brian, his hairstyle actually has some character, and he doesn't appear to be like any of the other muscular copycats that dominated the scene. I also like Ryan, the poem guy, though his name rhymes with Brian. I was disappointed but not surprised that she didn't choose Billy. If I was to guess from the first episode, I would say she will be proposing to either Russ or Charlie.

In Survivor news... Robb, the dork with a grudge against Shii Ann, was finally voted off. The night before his departure, he professed to his tribe mates that the experience had "changed his life" and that he suddenly realized the importance of "family, life, and love". The tribe voted Robb off anyway.

Moral of the Story: One day of being a nice guy does not erase 17 days of being a dumbass.

Trust me, the Friday Five could not come fast enough. This week, it is all about television, so here we go...

1. How many TVs do you have in your home?
Three. A new 27" Sony, a small television/vcr combo (a gift from a generous neighbor) and a smaller black & white that I'm "borrowing" from my sister.

2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?
Way too much. I counted 12 hours of shows that I consider "must-see" television. Very, very bad.

3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?
Generally, no. There are plenty of solid educational and entertaining shows out there for young kids. Too much television, though, is definitely bad, especially if it is not balanced with plenty of sunlight, water and outdoor activities.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?
Smallville, Scrubs, Firefly and Whose Line is it Anyway?.

5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?
Start with anything from Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek), add anything from Joss Whedon (Buffy), hold everything from David E. Kelley (Ally McBeal), sprinkle it with superheroes, smart comedies and improv, then stir!

For me, growing up on television was part of the family bonding ritual. It is a family custom to eat dinner together in front of the television. For my parents, it is their form of relaxation and entertainment.

I recall times when my mom would get mad and question why my sister or I weren't watching television with the family. If either of us wanted to go out and asked her to tape a show, she would often refuse. It was as if she thought we were being disrespectful to her and the family if we weren't participating in the "custom". I also remember her not being happy if we decided to watch something else in a different room. She would say, "Why are there so many TVs on? You're wasting electricity. Turn some of them off."

That is what I seriously need to do now, turn the the television off. Better yet, never turn it on in the first place.

Last night I missed Everwood, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite new shows. I know, I should have outgrown the whole sappy family and teen angst dramas by now, but I really can't help myself sometimes. I only caught the last 10 minutes of it, so I had no idea what was going on. Thanks to the WB's Easy View, I can catch the episode's rebroadcast this Sunday. Major props to creative programming.

Tonight is Survivor night. As usual, I catch an earlier train home to drive over to my parents' place. I eat dinner there and get my Survivor fix. My least favorite player is Robb and my favorite is Shii Ann (mainly because she calls Robb out on his stupidity). I also get caught up on The Amazing Race, which I think is one of the few good reality shows out there.