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The Olympic flame arrived in San Francisco at four this morning. According to the Chronicle, there was "heavy police presence" to prevent anybody from messing with it, and nobody did because nobody in their right mind would be at the airport at four in the morning, especially after a late night of partying rallies, speeches, and vigils.

The flame was whisked away to an "undisclosed San Francisco location", which I took to mean "homeless encampment". Outdoor Community + City By The Bay + Heat Source = Olympic Spirit Safe Haven.

While most protesters will demonstrate peacefully, hold candlelight vigils, or conduct their own torch relays, it's inevitable that a radical faction will try to pull a spectacularly disruptive stunt like yesterday's banner display on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Because an attempt to extinguish the torch is a certainty, I thought it would be fun to make a "Top 5" list of creative ways the pro-Tibet forces could do it. These ideas aren't practical or realistic, but they aren't predictable or boring either. If people actually try one of these, I am not responsible for their actions (but I expect full credit for the idea).

1. Water Balloons: Previous torch attacks failed because the douser needed to be near the flame. The obvious solution is to launch a long-distance assault. A brigade of protesters could be strategically placed at the back of the crowd where they could fill and lob water balloons at the torch bearer. As long as the torch was within the "splash zone", a direct hit wouldn't be necessary. The balloons could be the color of the Tibetan flag and each could have a random message on it like "Free Tibet" or "To China With Love" or "Courtesy of Hetch Hetchy".
2. Tidal Wave: It's nearly impossible now, with so little lead time, but if protesters hadn't spent the past year focused on hanging banners on a bridge, they could have used that time to clandestinely install a tidal wave machine in the bay instead. I picture it playing like a scene out of The Lord of the Rings, specifically the one where Arwen takes Frodo to Rivendell by horse. To protest China's oppression of Tibet and Peter Jackson's deviation from Tolkien's books, Richard Gere could play Glorfindel, the actual character who rescued Frodo. If timed properly, it would look like he summoned the wave to wipe out the torch bearer and surrounding security team (a.k.a. the Black Riders). I doubt Gere's Elvish is as good as Liv Tyler's, but it would suffice.
3. The Butterfly Effect: Have a butterfly in Tibet flap its wings, thereby creating a tornado along the Embarcadero that would extinguish the torch. The trick would be finding the right butterfly. While in Tibet, a special team could search for the butterfly whose wings would cause the Giants to actually win a game.
4. Giant Straw: Taking a page from There Will Be Blood, each protester could smuggle in a big bubble tea straw. While the torch relay proceeded, the group could secretly connect the straws to create one gigantic straw that reached across the parade route. I don't have the technical details worked out, but it might be wise to have duct tape handy. Anyway, when the torch reached their location, the person with the largest lung capacity would huff and puff on the straw while everybody else yelled, "I BLOW OUT YOUR TORCH! I BLOW IT OUT!"
5. Deluminator: As a Plan B, elite teams should be sent around the globe in search of Dumbledore's Deluminator, the ultimate put-outer. Unlike my other proposals, this one relies on magic instead of physics, so it should only be used as a last resort.

Today was a company holiday, but I went to work (for the first half of the day anyway). I didn't do so out of an extra sense of duty or dedication. I did so to stay ahead of the game and ensure a good night's sleep.

I woke up at three this morning with thoughts of work floating across my mind. I tossed and turned for an hour before falling back asleep. Not exactly what I consider a fun or productive use of time. I'm hoping a few hours at the office today will prevent a repeat of that tonight.

While I wouldn't make a habit of it, working on a holiday proved to have some perks and revealed a few good reasons to work on the days when everybody else is gone. Here are my Top 5.

1. Less Traffic/Better Parking: It seemed like fewer cars were on the road (a likely combination of the holiday and Monday light). It made the drive more pleasant. I would have taken the bus, but I wanted to be able to leave early if I finished early. Also, when everybody else is gone, there are plenty of places to park. I'm not usually one who tries to grab the spot closest to the building, but I felt obligated to do so today.
2. Peace and Quiet: It was amazing how quiet the office was with only two or three of us there. I had gotten so accustomed to the constant chatter and racket, the silence was noticeable (and wonderful). It was also extremely conducive to getting tasks done.
3. No Interruptions: I didn't receive a single phone call or email and not a single soul stopped by my cubicle to ask questions or give me a fire to put out, which meant I could actually focus on the tasks at hand. It's almost miraculous how productive one can be when one's concentration is unbroken.
4. No Dress Code: Instead of dressing for work, I was able to dress to work. There was no need to worry about wearing slacks or dress shirts or ties. Nobody was around to judge what was proper attire or not, which meant I could wear muddy boots, comfortable jeans, and a long-sleeved t-shirt without feeling like a slacker. Today wasn't about appearance or pretense, it was about functionality.
5. No Hall Monitors: In every office, there are those who keeps tabs on when others arrive, take lunch, take coffee/bathroom breaks, and leave. I call them hall monitors. Luckily, on holidays and weekends, hall monitors aren't around to watch the clock, so if one wants to work through lunch, run across the street for a much-needed cafe au lait, or leave "early" because everything on the to-do list is crossed off, one can do so without being marked down.

Usually, when I'm hiking, I try to keep things low-tech. The only electronic device I have in hand is my digital camera. My iPhone stays safely in a pouch in my backpack. But yesterday, I began to think about ways my iPhone could possibly enhance my hiking experience.

For fun, I made a list of iPhone features or applications that could make hiking or visiting parks even more enjoyable. Here are my favorite five. It should be noted that some of these might already exist and a couple are tongue-in-cheek.

1. iCompass
It would be great if I could press a button on the screen and an arrow appeared, indicating magnetic north, if for no other reason than to confirm if my actual compass was telling me the truth. I know somebody has already created a simple compass application, but it has two limitations that are hard to overlook. First, it only works when the sun is out. Second, it doesn't work during Daylight Savings Time (or as the creator states "summer time is not supported"). In other words, it only works 25% of the year. That also means that if I got lost this weekend, the soonest the compass could help me would be the first sunny day in November.

2. onThisSpot
How about an application that determines your coordinates and then finds all of the geotagged photos and videos taken within a given distance of your current location? You could specify the provider (Flickr, Picasa, YouTube, Revver) and time frame (last 6 months, 1972, etc.). Of course, this could be dangerous around places like Glacier Point in Yosemite... "onThisSpot found 15,162,342 photos taken within five feet of your location. Display all?" A potential add-on to this program: onThisSpot: Seasons. As the name implies, it would show you what your location looks like during the peak winter, spring, summer, and fall.

3. The iDentifier
Instead of buying a thick booklet or several waterproof pamphlets, why not have an application that allows one to identify various animals, plants, and trees just by touching the screen? One would have to select the region and make the initial determination about the nature of the item in question, namely, is it an animal, plant, or tree, but once that hurdle was cleared, the program would help the user hone in on the ultimate identity. Of course, with my luck, the iDentifier would tell me something like, "You are looking at a common Poppy Oak Bear." Possible add-ons: track, scat, and bird call identifiers (just have the bird tweet clearly into the phone and the program does the rest).

4. Parkcasts
Not to be confused with Parkcast, a podcast that focuses on the issue of podcasting in national parks, but doesn't actually provide park podcasts. What I want to see are podcasts I can put on my iPhone or iPod that will enhance my experience as I visit popular points of interest in a given park. The best example of what I'm talking about can be found on Civil War Traveler, which offers battlefield podcasts for PDF map to carry with you, and enjoy a thirty-minute walking tour led by a park historian. Glacier and Yellowstone National Parks already offer podcasts, but it would be nice to see other parks podcasting, too.

5. ePassport To Your National Parks
How about an electronic version of the National Parks Passport? Instead of a 100-page booklet with a limited amount of space for stamps and stickers, have an application that allows the carrier to collect electronic stamps, images, or audio files as small keepsakes. The other benefit would up-to-date maps, park information, and photographs. This one came to mind because I'm always misplacing my passport or forgetting to have it handy when we're at a visitor center. I end up stamping a receipt and inserting it into the booklet after the fact.

1. Maintain a good posture.
2. Wear an easy cheerful countenance.
3. Constantly practice friendliness.
4. Speak distinctly.
5. Don't be overly inclined to give advice.
6. Don't be didactic.
7. Be a good listener. A good listener asks leading questions.
8. Be essentially informal.
9. One's success in any avenue of life depends a great deal upon his selling ability.
10. Don't take yourself too seriously.

Found on page 32 of Schulz and Peanuts: A Biography by David Michaelis. Originally printed in The Art and Science of Barbering.

According to Michaelis, these principles "established the professional tactics of Charles Schulz's entire career". They seem like good principles to practice, even if I'm not a barber or one of the world's greatest cartoonists.

I should begin by admitting defeat. I only read 49 books in 2007, 3 short of my intended goal. The cause of my defeat can be traced back to February and March, when I managed to read one piddly book over a two-month span. I made heroic efforts in May (8 books) and July (10 books), but they weren't enough. I plan to read 55 books this year to make up for last year's shortfall.

Of the 49 books I read, 33 were fiction and 16 were non-fiction. Only 4 were written by women and 3 of those were written by the same woman.

Who were the hot authors of 2007? P.G. Wodehouse (5), Terry Pratchett (4), Jim Butcher (3), J.K. Rowling (3), and Kurt Vonnegut (3).

While statistics are fun, lists are even better, so let's get to it. Titles in bold are my Top 5 Favorite Books of 2007.

1. Flashman's Lady by George MacDonald Fraser
2. The Highwayman by R.A. Salvatore
3. The Iraq Study Group Report by James A. Baker III and Lee H. Hamilton
4. Palestine Peace Not Apartheid by Jimmy Carter
5. The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama
6. Goodbye to a River by John Graves
7. The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse
8. Very Good, Jeeves! by P.G. Wodehouse
9. Jeeves and the Tie That Binds by P.G. Wodehouse
10. I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This! and Other Things That Strike Me as Funny by Bob Newhart
11. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
12. Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
13. Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck
14. The Joy of Keeping Score by Paul Dickson
15. Requiem For An Assassin by Barry Eisler
16. Dispatches From The Edge by Anderson Cooper
17. The Old Ball Game by Frank Deford
18. Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut
19. The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut
20. At the Mercy of the River by Peter Stark
21. Wise Blood by Flannery O'Connor
22. Cannery Row by John Steinbeck
23. Battlestar Galactica by Gary A. Larsen and Robert Thurman
24. Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
25. Winston Churchill by John Keegan
26. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
27. Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
28. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
29. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
30. Holmes on the Range by Steve Hockensmith
31. On the Wrong Track by Steve Hockensmith
32. The Virginian, Horseman of the Plains by Owen Wister
33. Psmith in the City by P.G. Wodehouse
34. Flashman and the Mountain of Light by George MacDonald Fraser
35. The Last Season by Eric Blehm
36. Mike by P.G. Wodehouse
37. Mayflower: A Story of Courage, Community, and War by Nathaniel Philbrick
38. George Washington and Benedict Arnold: A Tale of Two Patriots by Dave R. Palmer
39. Making Money by Terry Pratchett
40. The Birth of the National Park Service: The Founding Years, 1913-33 by Robert Cahn and Horace M. Albright
41. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer by Daniel Josephs
42. Strata by Terry Pratchett
43. Night Watch by Terry Pratchett
44. One Man's Wilderness: An Alaskan Odyssey by Richard Proenneke and Sam Keith
45. Blue Highways by William Least Heat-Moon
46. Storm Front by Jim Butcher
47. Fool Moon by Jim Butcher
48. Hogfather by Terry Pratchett
49. Grave Peril by Jim Butcher

For those just tuning in, it's 2008. I know. It came as a rather nasty surprise to me, too. One minute, at roughly 10:02 PM, it was 2007. The next minute, at exactly 7:27 AM, it was 2008. I thought I would be wide awake when we leaped into the new leap year, but the God of Sleep (and General Napping) had other plans, apparently.

I thought I would use this first post of the new year to briefly recount what I did during the last week of last year. To keep it brief, but interesting, I will limit myself to a bullet point summary.

• December 26 - Drove to Anaheim to visit M's friend and wander through Downtown Disney. (After a week in Disney World earlier this year, I was Disneyed out and didn't need to set foot in Disneyland.)
• December 27 - Visited Palm Springs and hiked in nearby Indian Canyons (more about that in a separate entry).
• December 28 - Drove home and succumbed to the will of the God of Sleep (and General Napping). Fourteen hours of driving over a three-day period (a sizable chunk through Los Angeles) was physically and emotionally draining. I don't think I could survive living in Southern California.
• December 29 - Pottered around the house and performed many domestic chores.
• December 30 - Drove to Yosemite. Explored and played in the snow-covered valley.
• December 31 - Spent New Year's Eve snowshoeing near Badger Pass (more about that in a separate entry, too). After an exhausting day, surrendered to the God of Sleep (and General Napping) two hours before the stroke of midnight.
• January 1, 2008 - Tried to avoid the drive home, but eventually did, due to a sense of obligation to work and the cat, but mostly the cat. (She expects to be fed daily and doesn't believe in sick days. She also has claws.)

A list of people and places that should work or be open from 5 to 9 in the morning and evening, instead of the typical 9 to 5, to make life easier for the rest of us...

• Auto mechanics
• Appliance repair people
• Doctors, dentists, and optimetrists
• Banks
• Libraries
• Post offices
• Department of Motor Vehicles

Is there anything missing from the list?

It feels like December. The mornings are chilly and foggy. Christmas decorations adorn lampposts and storefronts. Grocery stores have peppermint goodies stocked on shelves and a certain coffee chain is already using red cups and snowflake sleeves. When I walked by one of its many locations this morning, it was difficult to resist the temptation to go inside and order a cranberry bliss bar. I might not be so strong this afternoon.

If merchants and corporations are so eager for it to be December, I think The Powers That Be (TPTB) should eliminate November for a year, just to see how it goes.

Granting their wish would have quite a few downsides...

• Coders at computer and software companies would have to work overtime to distribute patches for the change.
• Wristwatches with calendar features would need to be adjusted.
• The general public would have to get used to the idea that 11/9/07 was really December 9, 2007.
• Holiday listings would have to be revised (Veteran's Day - December 11, Thanksgiving - December 22, Christmas - December 55 (which could throw Santa for a loop), and New Year's Eve - December 61).
• People would also have to relearn Thirty Days Hath September.
• One's electric bill in December might look extra nasty, especially if one is a Christmas light fiend (as are so many of my neighbors).
• People who were November babies would suddenly be December babies, which might not sit so well with those who were born in the original month of December.

Of course, removing November could have a few positive repercussions, too...

• One would have one less house payment or month of rent to pay a year.
• Wall calendar publishers would only need to choose eleven photos, eliminating the need to pick that twelfth photo, which always seems to be a dud (and usually ends up in your birth month).
• Advent calendars would have 54 pieces of candy, instead of the typical 24.
• For television, November sweeps would become December sweeps and it would be twice as long. Imagine eight whole weeks where show producers and writers make a real effort to produce quality entertainment (or, at the very least, mildly amusing publicity stunts).
• And most importantly, NaNoWriMo participants would have 61 days to crank out their masterpieces. (820 words per day sounds doable!)

Despite that last upside, I'm glad nobody from TPTB has taken steps to eliminate November (that I'm aware of). The month might be gone in spirit, but not in name. Perhaps there will be a day when Thanksgiving and autumn will reassert themselves and take back the month that Christmas stole.

It's a contention of Heat Moon's -- believing as he does any traveler who misses the journey misses about all he's going to get -- that a man becomes his attentions. His observations and curiosity, they make and remake him.

- William Least Heat-Moon, from Blue Highways, p. 17.

This quote was tickling my brain this morning as I walked to work. I've been taking the same route for a few months now and in that time, I've slowly stopped noticing things without knowing it. The same buildings and trees (and people, on occasion) pass before my eyes, but I don't necessarily see them; I skim them. Today, I decided that had to stop. Instead of focusing on where I had to be and what I had to do when I got there, I focused on what was going on around me. Here is a short list of what I observed:

• The clock on the west wall of the tower above Starbucks is stuck at 7:48.
• The circumference of the average pant leg worn by the average college kid is two inches less than the circumference of the average college kid's leg. I believe this is known as performance enhancing fashion. The blood, unable to reach anything below the midriff, has nowhere to go but up to the brain, thereby boosting mental acuity.
• Both skateboarders I saw this morning were women. I wonder when that won't seem unusual to me.
• With two seconds remaining on the signal counter, a young man, wearing black baggy pants, an oversized white jacket, and a white baseball cap, entered the crosswalk without hesitation. He didn't look once at the three lanes of traffic waiting for him to cross. Maybe if he had worn tighter pants he would have had the wits to wait until the traffic had cleared before crossing against the light like the other kids.
• The marquee at Camera 12 claims they're showing THE HEARTBREA KID. I wonder how many people have gone up to the box office to tell them it's misspelled. I wonder how many have gone up and asked, "What is a heartbrea?"
• The hedge that lines Washington Square Hall is still in bloom with orange and red flowers.
• The biggest yawn I've seen in recent memory belongs to a tall, well-built guy, in his early twenties, with short blond hair and green eyes, wearing khakis and a bright yellow fleece jacket. He opened his mouth so wide, an overweight squirrel could have scurried inside without scraping its backside against his teeth. Of course, it wouldn't have had a chance to scurry because the guy's intake of breath was so strong and sudden, the squirrel would have been sucked in instantly.

Admittedly, none of these are earth-shattering or life-altering observations, but they still have value. They are the observational equivalents of practicing scales on the piano.

If I were serious about it, I would focus on one sense per day at first. Monday would be sight, Tuesday would be sound, Wednesday would be taste, and so on. And after I had mastered each individually, I would begin to practice them in combination, until I became so skilled that not only could I describe the sight of a man yawning, but I could also describe the sucking sound he made and the way the squirrel tasted, without missing a beat.

If a man truly becomes his attentions, he might as well have a little fun in the process.

Discworld is smarter (and funnier) than your average fantasy world. It doesn't merely defy fantasy and science fiction conventions; it pokes fun at them and pushes them around. It isn't simply fantasy with a twist. It's fantasy with a twist, a back one-and-a-half somersault, and a biscuit.

In his last few books, Terry Pratchett has shown that Discworld is smarter (and funnier) than your average real world, too. He has taken "real world" topics like revolutions (Night Watch), women in the military (Monstrous Regiment), the postal service (Going Postal), and racism (Thud!) and has explored them using one of the best tools ever invented: humor.

In his latest book, Making Money, he uses that humor to explore the seemingly dry subject of monetary systems. We follow Moist von Lipwig, the hero from Going Postal, as he takes charge of Ankh-Morpork's Royal Mint, tries to move the city away from the gold standard, and attempts to introduce its citizens to paper money.

In terms of other books I've read in 2007, I'm confident this will be one of my Top 5 Books of the Year. For those keeping track, I've only said that about two other books this year (The Virginian and The Last Season).

In terms of other Discworld books I've read, though, this wouldn't make it into my Top 5. If I were to hazard a guess, I would say it would be at the bottom of my Top 14. Havelock Vetinari (the Patrician) is in classic form in this story and the Glooper (a water-based economic model of the city) is hilarious, but they aren't enough to propel the book into my Top 10.

Just for laughs, here are my Top 5 favorite Discworld books...

1. Night Watch
2. Guards! Guards!
3. The Truth
4. The Wee Free Men
5. Hogfather

You can't tell by just looking at it, but that list took a lot longer to compile than I expected. The books I didn't include are giving me doleful looks and one is sobbing uncontrollably. I had better console it before it becomes waterlogged with tears.

With the fall television season well under way, I thought it would be fun to list the shows I'm watching (or not watching, in some cases). Instead of listing them in one big batch, I have broken the list down into easy to understand categories and added notes where appropriate...

Shows I Still Love...

• Bones - The cadavers still creep me out, but I stick around for the bickering between Brennan and Booth.
• Heroes - The chessboard is reset and new pieces (as well as old) are in play.
• How I Met Your Mother - Ted and Robin's on-again-off-again relationship is growing old, but the show still makes me laugh.
• Law and Order: SVU - My favorite of the L&O trio is still strong and I like the addition of Adam Beach as a new detective.
• The Office - Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, and John Krasinski continue to make me laugh.

Shows I Once Loved That Now Make Me Cringe...

• Grey's Anatomy
• Desperate Housewives
• My Name is Earl

I don't know if the shows changed or my tastes changed, but in either case, whatever magic was there is gone.

New Shows I Wanted to Like That I Actually Like...

• Chuck - The show is worth watching if for no other reason than to see Adam Baldwin (Jane on Firefly) playing a tough guy in khakis and a green Buy More polo shirt.
• Life - Damien Lewis rocks as Charlie Crews

Shows I Have Been Actively Avoiding...

• Dirty Sexy Money
• Big Shots
• K-Ville
• Journeyman
• Ugly Betty

The last show on the list isn't going anywhere, but I'm hoping the other four disappear quickly so the fall replacements can fill their spots.

New Shows I Have Taken an Unexpected Shining To...

• Big Bang Theory - Before the show stales, I'm milking it for every laugh I can get. I also watch it for the theme song sung by Barenaked Ladies.
• Kid Nation - Watching 40 kids struggle and learn to establish a pioneer town in the desert is strangely appealing. Michael and Sophia are my favorites of the bunch.

Shows I Peeked at to Gain a Greater Appreciation for the Rarity of Good Shows...

• Gossip Girl
• Bionic Woman
• Cavemen

Yesterday, as I walked to work, crossing busy intersections and passing packed parking garages, I tried envisioning what the world would be like if motorized vehicles were suddenly extinct and replaced by horses. Here are the bullet point thoughts I jotted down...

• To meet the needs of most modern people, the primary mode of transportation would have to be the horse and buggy or the horse-drawn carriage; each requiring one or two horses.
• People who drove SUVs would likely buy covered wagons that required four or more horses (or one elephant).
• Teenagers wanting the equivalent of muscle cars would hook four horses up to a buggy. They would probably watch shows like Pimp My Hooves and Monster Stable.
• Motorcyclists would learn to ride horses outfitted with chrome saddles.
• The equivalent of a Toyota Yaris or Ford Focus would be a donkey.
• People who liked hybrids would ride mules.
• Parking lots would have to be outfitted with hitching posts, water troughs, and parking attendants.
• In big cities, parking garages would be converted into multi-story barns.
• Gas stations would be feed and watering stations. There would be three qualities of hay: regular, premium, and unleaded (because folks can only handle so much change at one time).
• Fast food restaurants would have ride-thrus instead of drive-thrus.
• Mechanics would have to take crash courses in veterinary medicine.
• Auto dealerships would become horse dealerships. Domestic horses would have to compete with horses imported from Germany and Japan. To increase sales, Japanese horses would be advertised as being "Bred and Fed in America".
• At home, families would likely have to convert their garages or driveways into stables or pens.
• Those families you see with three or more cars out front could have six or more horses roaming their property.
• The DMV would have to change it's name to the Department of Horses or DoH.
• Instead of this video, David Hasselhoff would have made "Jump on my Horse"
• As for me, I probably wouldn't have a horse until I had received the proper allergy shots. In the meantime, I would be relegated to riding a bicycle, deriving what little pleasure I could from spooking horses by ringing my bell.

Because it never hurts to have things to look forward to, here are my Top 5 sources of anticipation...

1. Arizona (Aug. 24) - Tomorrow, we're headed out for a short weekend trip to Arizona, somewhere in the vicinity of Phoenix. Hiking opportunities are minimal, but that hasn't diminished my excitement.
2. Season 1 of Heroes on DVD (Aug. 28) - The show returns for its second season in a month, which gives me just enough time to plow through this seven-disc set. I can't wait.
3. 3:10 to Yuma (Sep. 7) - It's a remake of a 1957 western film based on a short story written by Elmore Leonard. Russell Crowe and Christian Bale star in it.
4. Making Money by Terry Pratchett (Sep. 18) - Moist von Lipwig, the man who transformed Ankh-Morpork's postal service, will take on the challenge of printed money and the city's mint. Good Discworld fun!
5. Autumn (Sep. 23) - Cooler weather and less mosquitoes make it the perfect season for hiking. There are also fall colors to consider. It's one of my favorite seasons of the year.

Somewhere in the world right now,

• somebody just heard the news that Barry Bonds homered over the weekend to tie Hank Aaron's home run record.
• somebody else heard the news and couldn't care less.
• somebody still hasn't heard the news.
• somebody just asked somebody else, "What is a home run?"
• somebody thinks Bonds is the greatest baseball player ever.
• somebody else has no idea who Barry Bonds is.
• somebody believes Daniel Craig is the best James Bond ever.
• somebody else believes Daniel Craig is the best Barry Bonds ever.
• that somebody's friend just corrected him by saying, "It isn't Bonds. It's Bond, Barry Bond."
• somebody is thinking, "Mmm... donuts!"

It's Monday. The world is a wacky and random place. Enjoy every second of it.

I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix last night. There wasn't a line to buy tickets, but there was a line for seating. By the time the movie started, every chair in the theatre was filled.

Here are some of my observations from last night's viewing...

• The first ten minutes were the film's weakest. Once we left the Dursleys at 4 Privet Drive, the movie improved dramatically.
• The actors who portray Harry, Ron, and Hermione (Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson) have matured and gotten better in their roles.
• Draco Malfoy and Hagrid had little more than cameos this time around.
• Filch was prominently featured, but had few lines. He mainly skulked, grimaced, and hung decrees on the walls.
• Neville Longbottom made giant strides in this film and received more development than any other character.
• The back story of Luna Lovegood was eliminated to save time, so the audience was presented with a bizarre blonde witch with a high-pitched voice and bare feet. She seemed to have a greater connection with Harry than Harry had with Cho Chang (Potter's highly touted love interest).
• Thankfully, two of my favorite characters, the Weasley twins, Fred and George, weren't eliminated from the movie. They were clever and mischievous and provided one of the film's best moments.
• The innocence and wonder of classes and magic at Hogwarts, as seen in previous films, is nearly gone in this installment. The closest it came to recapturing it was during the training meetings of Dumbledore's Army.
• The pace was brisk and had to be in order to cram 870 pages of book into a 138-minute movie. The screenwriter did an admirable job, but he sacrificed an awful lot of background to do it. Characters and concepts were presented without introduction, so unless one had previous knowledge, either from the books or movies, one had no idea what was going on or why it was happening.
• I was overjoyed to see the return of one of my other favorite characters: Remus Lupin. There is something about his genuine kindness towards Harry and something about the actor who portrays him (David Thewlis) that makes him incredibly likable.
• Quidditch was missing from the movie, which was disappointing.

Ranking this with the other Potter movies, I would put this one right in the middle, behind Prisoner of Azkaban and Sorcerer's Stone, but ahead of Goblet of Fire and Chamber of Secrets.

If you're familiar with the Potter series, I recommend this film. Although I'd suggest seeing a matinee if possible. If you're a Potter neophyte, then I'd suggest renting the previous films to familiarize yourself, otherwise you'll get little satisfaction from the movie.

I saw Ratatouille on Saturday. As soon as it was finished, I wanted to see it again. As with every new Pixar film I see, I was tempted to call this one my favorite of all time, but because I truly like it, I’m going to resist.

Instead, I’m going to envision how I will feel about it a year from now, and I believe when Time has had a chance to shake Ratatouille through the filter of perspective, it will be my second favorite Pixar film of all time.

The order will look something like this (from most to least favorite):

• The Incredibles
• Ratatouille
• Finding Nemo
• Toy Story 2
• Cars
• Monsters, Inc.
• Toy Story
• A Bug’s Life

Ratatouille is another step forward for the studio. The artistry, animation, attention to detail, and storytelling are all levels above any previous efforts. Despite the fact that the movie is about a talking rat who dreams of being a chef in Paris, it felt more "real" than any film I've seen in recent memory.

The world the animators created felt so complete. In every scene, in every corner, there was a treat for the eyes. Gusteau’s kitchen was full of shelves, stoves, spices, pots, pans, utensils, and dirty dishes. The pantry was filled to the ceiling. When dinner service arrived, the kitchen was busy with a full complement of chefs preparing dishes that made my mouth water.

One of my favorite scenes was when Remy, the main character (and a rat), reaches the rooftop and discovers he’s in Paris. It's near sunset and the skyline is breathtaking. As the camera pans, one realizes and appreciates just how much time and effort the animators spent researching and studying their subject.

Finally, one of the reasons I loved the movie was the orchestral score that accompanied the film. Michael Giacchino, who wrote the music for The Incredibles (and Lost), created a musical feast for the ears. In parts, it felt as though the music came first and the action on the screen was a physical representation of the sound. It made the film feel dynamic and alive and it topped off what was a wonderful movie experience.

Top 5 things that are better when not flat:

1. soda
2. feet
3. dialogue
4. animals in the road
5. tires

I changed my first flat tire yesterday. As far as locations were concerned, I couldn't have picked a better spot. M noticed the flat while we were parked at Asilomar State Beach in Pacific Grove, only a hundred feet from the Pacific Ocean. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon. Temperatures were in the mid-sixties and there was a mild breeze - ideal conditions for car repair.

The actual changing didn't take long. I simply lifted the car with one hand, ripped off the flat with my teeth, and threw on the spare. At least that’s the story I’m telling my grandkids in a few decades when jacks, lug bolts, and tire irons are obsolete.

Before dumping it in the trunk, I inspected the flat tire and discovered the source of the leak - a mean-spirited metal screw had punctured the rubber. It likely attacked the tire near the train station where a new apartment complex is going up; throwing itself in the middle of the road where it knew an unsuspecting wheel would roll over it.

Concerned the spare wouldn't survive the sixty-mile trip home, M called a few local gas stations to see if they'd be able to patch a flat on a Sunday. We thought none would and we were right. We enjoyed what is known as a hollow victory. Afterwards, we decided the next best option would be to drive to the closest Co$tco where we knew they serviced tires.

I thought there was a Co$tco in Monterey, but I wasn't sure, so we charted a course for Gilroy where we knew one existed with absolute certainty. We hopped on Highway 1 and crept at a steady 50 miles per hour, fearing the spare would blow if I drove any faster. Cars behind us came up fast and flew past. I lasted a mile before losing my nerve, and exited at the next off ramp.

We pulled into the first gas station we found and I asked the attendant if there was a Co$tco in Salinas. I didn't say Monterey because I didn't want to jinx us. The hedging worked because the attendant replied, "Yeah, there's one in Salinas, but why not go to the one in Sand City? It's just four miles down the road." I nearly jumped across the counter to hug the man, but there were strangers watching, so I simply smiled and said, "Thank you".

We got back on Highway 1 and inched our way to Sand City. It took a great deal of resolve to ignore the cars zipping by. I made a point of avoiding eye contact with the rearview mirror, which was eager to show me the mile-long trail of cars tailing us.

When we reached Co$tco, luck with us. The good people at the tire department were able to squeeze us in and get us back on the road with fresh tires in less than two hours.

There seems to be an inordinate number of movie sequels hitting theaters this summer. I thought it would be fun to list as many as I can. I've broken them into three groups - those I plan to see on the big screen, those I plan to watch on DVD, and those I refuse to see unless the fate of the world hangs in the balance.

Worth the Price of Admission:

• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - I'm curious to see what happens to Jack Sparrow and his crew.
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - It opens a week before the last book hits shelves.

Worth the Price of Subscription:

• Shrek the Third - The first two were hilarious. The third might be, too.
• Spider-Man 3 - Critics have panned it, but I want to see why they did.
• Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - Silver Surfer is one of my favorite comic characters.
• The Bourne Ultimatum - I probably should watch The Bourne Supremacy first.
• Rush Hour 3 - It will likely be awful, but it's Jackie Chan.

Worth the Price of Omission:

• Live Free or Die Hard - Why?
• Ocean's 13 - There's something about The Modern Day Rat Pack that annoys me.
• Evan Almighty - I'm a Steve Carell fan, so I might end up watching it anyway.
• Resident Evil: Extinction - Gore and horror just aren't my style.

In an attempt to get back on my book-a-week pace, I've been on a reading rampage. Over the past month, I've managed to double my book count, an achievement made easier by the fact that the original count was a single-digit number. Some might consider the books in the list that follows to be "lighter fare", which may be true for two of the titles, but for the rest, I prefer to call them "concise classics".

• Very Good, Jeeves! by P.G. Wodehouse - A compilation of Jeeves and Wooster short stories. I revel in Wodehouse's ability to use the same formula (Wooster gets in trouble, Jeeves saves the day) to create so many fresh and funny tales.
• Jeeves and the Tie That Binds by P.G. Wodehouse - I was on such a roll that I had to read another Wodehouse novel before tackling another author.
• I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This! and Other Things That Strike Me as Funny by Bob Newhart - Part autobiography, part Button-Down Mind in book version. Both parts are entertaining. Newhart is an affable comedian who manages to disguise his sometimes subversive humor with his squeaky clean image. The book inspired me to rent the first season of The Bob Newhart Show, his hit comedy series from the seventies.
• Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut - Before his passing, I hadn't read a single word by Vonnegut. It wasn't that I was avoiding him; I just hadn't gotten to him yet. I'm glad I finally did. The story of Billy Pilgrim is one of my favorites of the year.
• Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain - While searching for Vonnegut, I came across Twain and decided it had been too long since I had last heard him tell a tale.
• Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck - And since I was in the section, I grabbed one of Steinbeck's novels as well. Tortilla Flat is a somber story (with touches of humor) about a group of friends (paisanos) living in Monterey.
• The Joy of Keeping Score by Paul Dickson - A book I found at a local bookstore. Filled with great anecdotes, quotes, photos, and trivia about scoring and the game of baseball, it's what inspired me to try my hand at keeping score at the Giants game last week.

Even with my recent reading gains, I'm still six books behind. To close that gap, I'm going to be implementing a new project tentatively called Prime Time Reading. For an hour every night, between 8 and 11, instead of watching a television show or DVD, I'll be reading a book. Why watch an unappealing episode of The Real Wedding Crashers when one can enjoy a few engaging chapters of Huckleberry Finn instead?

I wrote this last Friday, but forgot to post it.

In the United States, there are 388 national parks. Of those, I have visited 14 (12 in California, 2 in Hawaii). Of those 14, there are four I'd like to visit again (Haleakala, Kings Canyon, Sequoia, and Yosemite). That leaves 374 left to explore. Even if I were to travel to 12 a year (one per month), it would take 31years and 2 months to visit every park. I imagine it's possible to cut that time down if I were to plan trips to particular regions to maximize the number of parks I saw.

To make this potentially monumental undertaking more manageable, it would be helpful to prioritize which parks I wanted to see first. It would also be helpful to set a few constraints. Let's stick with 2007 and California for the time being.

Therefore, the top 5 national parks in I want to visit this year are:

1. Lassen Volcanic National Park
2. Whiskeytown National Recreational Area
3. Joshua Tree National Park
4. Death Valley National Park
5. Channel Islands National Park

It could be possible to combine Lassen and Whiskeytown in one trip during the summer. The Channel Islands might be neat in the summer as well. Then, later in the fall, when temperatures are cooler, a combined Joshua Tree/Death Valley trip sounds feasible.

All of this is still in the early fuzzy phase of planning. Anything and everything could change. Right now, it's just fun to think about it. In the next couple of weeks, I should do some research on those parks to see what is possible and what is practical.

1. Pack a ripe banana in the side pouch of your backpack to prevent it from getting smashed.
2. Wear the backpack as you cross the street to work.
3. Cross the street with only five seconds remaining on the crossing signal's countdown.
4. Halfway across, decide it might be a good idea to sprint the rest of the way.
5. Feel something hit the back of your leg as you kick into your sprint.
6. At the corner, turn around and audibly gasp as you notice your banana lying helplessly in the middle of the road.
7. Contemplate running into oncoming traffic to rescue your banana.
8. Quickly avert your eyes and walk away as the oncoming traffic hurdles towards your banana.
9. After the onslaught of tires, look back and let out a celebratory yelp as you realize your banana has miraculously survived.
10. With renewed hope, run back to the intersection to save your once-doomed fruit, but then watch in slow-motion horror as a left-turning truck blows through a red light and smashes your banana, splattering yellow bits all over the asphalt.

Last month, a fan asked Curt Schilling who he would pay to see play baseball. I thought it was such a great qustion, I decided to make it a meme. In alphabetical order, here's a Top 10 list of major leaguers I would pay to see play baseball...

1. Barry Bonds, Giants - Controversy aside, it's still exciting to see him hit one deep. Yesterday's splash hit brought back happy memories. This may be the last season fans get to see anyone hit those with any regularity.
2. Craig Counsell, Brewers - Counsell doesn't have the most impressive hitting stats, but his defense is incredible and I love his crazy stance. He one of those guys who gives the game everything he's got. He embodies what I love about baseball.
3. Greg Maddux, Padres - Maddux is just one of the finest pitchers out there. His control is still amazing. He's played for a number of teams since pitching for Atlanta, but I'll always think of him as a Brave.
4. David Ortiz, Red Sox - Big Papi is the heart of the Red Sox. It's fun to see him crush the ball, especially when the game is on the line.
5. Roy Oswalt, Astros - He's one of the most dominating pitchers in the game. It was tough watching him and Houston lose in the World Series two years ago.
6. Albert Pujols, Cardinals - He's off to a slow start this year, but I'm sure he'll heat up in no time. Like Ortiz, he's an intimidating player that can change the entire game with one swing of the bat.
7. Jose Reyes, Mets - I'm a fan of leadoff men like Reyes - guys who are excellent contact hitters and speedy base stealers. Whenever he's at bat, the intensity of the game rises.
8. Curt Schilling, Red Sox - I remember rooting for him when he pitched for the Phillies. The 1993 World Series was a painful affair to follow. Arizona in 2001 solidified him as one of my favorite pitchers, and Boston in 2004 pushed him to the top spot (and I'm not just saying that because he has a blog).
9. Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners - Like Counsell and Reyes, everytime I see Ichiro play, I'm reminded why I love the sport so much. He lives the game. Everytime he steps to the plate, it feels like he's going to make something happen. It's a thrill to see him beat out infield grounders and work the basepaths.
10. David Wright, Mets - He has been a solid hitter and third baseman for New York since 2004. He reminds me a lot of Matt Williams - professional, level-headed, hardworking, and likable. Plus, he's getting better every year.

You might have noticed that seven of the ten players I mentioned are National Leaguers. The N.L. is still my favorite league.

So, who would you pay to see play ball?

Abraham Lincoln was born on this day in 1809. While his birthday isn't a federal holiday (George Washington is the only president with that honor), it is a holiday for state government and some local school districts.

Of course, the federal government isn't letting the day go by completely unobserved. There will be a wreath laying ceremony at the Lincoln Memorial and a special celebration at the Library of Congress sponsored by the Abraham Lincoln Bicentennial Commission, a fifteen-member group created by Congress to commemorate the former president's birthday in 2009. The celebration will include a "Lincoln-themed" lunch and a special appearance "by Abraham Lincoln*".

The lunch sounds rather suspicious. "Lincoln-themed" - what does that mean? Will people be eating what Lincoln normally ate for lunch? Or will they be simply having dishes with corny names like "Second Inaugural Spinach Salad", "Lincoln Linked Sausages", and "Honest Abe Apple Pie"?

And why is there an asterisk after Lincoln's name? Are organizers afraid people will believe the Lincoln appearing at the event is the real Lincoln?

Anyway, to honor the birth of our sixteenth president, here are a few Lincoln-related links:

• The White House's Biography of Abraham Lincoln
• Abraham Lincoln Online
• The Lincoln Museum
• Lincoln Boyhood National Memorial
• A. Lincoln Blog

Benjamin Franklin was born on this day in 1706. In honor of his 301st birthday, here is the list of thirteen virtues Franklin created and tried to follow every day of his life. They include:

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness and drink not to elevation.
2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.
3. Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.
4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste nothing.
6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation.
11. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; Never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
12. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

When I first read his autobiography a couple of years ago, I copied the list of virtues into my PDA for handy reference and gradually forgot about them. I don't refer to them as often or adhere to them as strictly as I should or as I imagine Franklin did, but I will use the great man's birthday as a reason to resolve myself to more actively practice them from this day forward.

It has always been (or at least it seems like it has always been) a family tradition to visit the theater on Thanksgiving to watch a movie. Although the family is gathering to celebrate the holiday (at the Santa Cruz Wharf), we won't be taking in a show before the feast this year. Chalk it up to the majority's disinterest in the current box office offerings. Maybe next year.

In honor of the tradition, I thought it would be fun to make a list of the Top 5 Currently Released Movies I Would Choose to See this Thanksgiving.

1. Stranger Than Fiction
2. Bobby
3. Casino Royale
4. For Your Consideration
5. The History Boys

Whatever your family traditions may be, treasure them. Happy Thanksgiving!

A true major league baseball fan would have his or her ear against the Astroturf every day, listening for tiny vibrations, those advanced warnings of players hired, fired, retired or traded (the non-rhyming member of the transaction quartet). Naturally, nobody has conducted a long-term study on the effect of constant skin contact with Astroturf, which is why I keep my head far away from the stuff. I'm not going to risk an ear shriveling up, turning green, and falling off just to learn, five minutes before everybody else, that the Yankees traded Gary Sheffield to the Tigers. It's interesting news, but not worth an ear.

For fun, here is a list of five baseball tidbits, mostly related to local teams, that some true fan likely lost an ear over to report first:

1. The Oakland Athletics are moving to Fremont. I was ecstatic about the news until I learned the earliest the team would move to their new ballpark, Cisco Fields, would be in 2010.
2. Oakland's Frank Thomas will be playing in Toronto next year.
3. Oakland is interested in acquiring Barry Bonds. Can the A's convince him to play across the bay? And if so, does Bonds have enough left to linger another four years to play in Fremont? Does he even have enough left to put up Thomas-like numbers next season?
4. San Francisco's Moises Alou will play for the New York Mets next year.
5. Bill Mueller, who once played for the Giants and won a World Series ring with the Red Sox in 2004, retired and joined the Dodgers' front office.

The Top 5 things that made me laugh this weekend:

1. reading Big Money by P.G. Wodehouse.
2. catching sight of Nicole Richie's The Truth About Diamonds on the shelf at the bookstore. Curiosity may drive me to read it.
3. watching This is Spinal Tap.
4. seeing this duck at Target. I may just have to get one.
5. 1 vs. 100, the new game show on Friday nights hosted by Bob Saget. It's almost as hilarious as Deal or No Deal.

Last night, at the del.icio.us three-year + millionth-user bash I attended, somebody asked me what I blog about, which I must admit isn't something I'm asked often (or ever). So, of course, I had trouble answering it. I think I said something like, "Well, uh, at the moment, because the postseason just started, I'm writing about baseball, but I also write about hiking and stuff."

I suppose a better response (or at least a different response) would have been, "I write about life in general." If it catches my attention, piques my curiosity or seems worth remembering, I'll write about it.

Since quite a few things happened last night, it's all rather a mess in my head, so I thought the best way capture the parts I wanted to remember was to make a list.

• Last night was the regular blogger gathering at Barefoot Coffee Roasters.
• Elkit, Hank, Silvia, Kevin and Rich attended.
• According to Hank, Casa de Fruta, the monster-sized fruit stand on the outskirts of Hollister, hosts a Civil War reenactment every year. I hope to see it next summer.
• NaNoWriMo is nearly here. Elkit already ordered her NaNoWriMo shirt and mentioned there's even a special NaNoWriMo coffee blend this year. Now, all they need is special NaNoWriMo Skittles and I'm set.
• Due to the less-than-ideal furniture arrangement at Barefoot, a suggestion was made to hold one of the monthly blogger gatherings at the new It's A Grind near the Apple campus.
• Someone proposed a margarita night at Aqui in Willow Glen.
• Kevin highly recommended a podcast by Garrison Keillor called The Writer's Almanac.
• The de.licio.us event took place at the Yahoo! campus in Sunnyvale.
• I met a few friendly people - Andrew, Eszter and Richard - last night. (Since it was a del.icio.us event, I thought it more appropriate to link to their del.icio.us accounts rather than their blogs.)
• Rich and fling93 were also in attendance.
• I recognized some folks in the crowd, either from their blogs or their Flickr accounts, which reminded me of just how intertwined the various social networking sites are. The bees are busy cross-pollinating in this virtual garden.

That sums up my night and provides a relatively fresh sample of what I blog about.

Well, I've been having all sorts of fun tonight trying to upgrade the black box that produces this journal. After a series of errors and botched efforts, I think the new Movable Type 3.33 is finally running smoothly. The latest installment has fancy new features like tags and widgets, but I haven't had much time to sit and fiddle with them. So, if anything breaks in the next few days, you'll know why.

On an unrelated note, Sunday was National Punctuation Day. I would've never known if the Language Log hadn't mentioned it.

When I first heard about it, three people immediately came to mind...

1. Lynne Truss. She wrote Eats, Shoots & Leaves, a book that champions proper punctuation.
2. Victor Borge and his phonetic punctuation. He would assign unique sounds to common punctuation marks and then read a brief passage from a story to show the audience how his system worked. The excerpt, no matter how serious, always turned out sounding comical. It's a lot funnier if you see it for yourself (it's a subdued version, but still illustrative). When I saw him perform it live at the Flint Center in Cupertino many years ago, I thought it was one of the funniest (and most memorable) parts of the show. His inflationary language sketch was also hilarious.
3. Allan Sherman. I remember listening to my grandfather's old comedy albums. On one of them, Sherman (the Weird Al of the 1960s) sang "Night and Day (with Punctuation Marks)", a parody of the Cole Porter classic. It wasn't as funny as "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)", but it was mildly amusing.

It's the last day of the month and I'm 390 pages away from the end of the book I'm reading currently. Since it doesn't contain a lot of pictures or graphs, I'm going to venture out on a limb (a short, sturdy limb) and predict that I'm not going to finish it tonight. That means I can share the list of books I read in July. This month, I completed five more books, which puts this year's total at 29.

As usual (if one can call doing something the same way three times in a row usual), I'll be rating the books on a scale from 0 to 10. I would recommend reading anything scoring 6.5 or higher. Anything scoring less than that would probably make a great regift.

1. Flashman by George MacDonald Fraser (7.4)
2. Royal Flash by George MacDonald Fraser (7.7)
3. Generation Me by Jean Twenge (8.1)
4. The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara (7.5)
5. The Life of David by Robert Pinsky (6.2)

It's time to list the books I read in May and June. As I did last time, I'll be rating each book on a scale from 0 to 10, where I'd recommend anything rated 6.5 or higher. Of the five books I'm listing, I read four of them in June, which isn't a prodigious number, but a marked improvement over May. Here they are...

1. Quicksilver by Neil Stephenson (6.1)
2. Jefferson's Second Revolution by Susan Dunn (7.3)
3. Flashman on the March by George MacDonald Fraser (7.8)
4. The Last Assassin by Barry Eisler (7.3)
5. Fantasyland by Sam Walker (8.2)

Of the five, The Last Assassin (TLA) was the quickest read and Quicksilver was the slowest. Measuring time in espresso drinks, I was able to finish TLA in the time it took to drink two grande lattes, which isn't a knock, but a credit to the book considering it took sixty venti lattes to complete Quicksilver.

TLA is a great cafe read. Without revealing too much, I was glad to see Eisler's assassin return to his roots and make at least one death look like a result of natural causes, but I was sad to see one of my favorite characters pass away.

Jefferson's Second Revolution focused on the contentious Election of 1800 that pitted John Adams against Thomas Jefferson and resulted in the first peaceful transfer of power in history. I use peaceful in the narrowest sense of the word. Federalists and Republicans, the emerging parties of the day, waged a mighty war of words in the papers and in Congress that shook the very foundation of the Constitution, but they didn't actually kill one another.

I discovered Flashman on the March because Terry Pratchett mentioned that Fraser was one of his favorite authors. I actually read the last book in the series first and recently went back to the beginning. I just finished the first two books in the collection.

The book I most highly recommend is Fantasyland. In 2004, Sam Walker, a sportswriter for the Wall Street Journal, finagled his way into Tout Wars, one of the nation's elite rotisserie baseball leagues. What starts as an experiment soon becomes an obsession. To help him win, he hires a crack research team (including a NASA scientist and a psychic) and travels to ballpark locker rooms around the country to get the inside scoop and encourage "his" players. The book is infused with humor and is a great summer read for anybody who loves baseball.

Many things make me nervous. I wish they didn't, but they do. I thought I'd take a minute to take a snapshot of them so I would have something to laugh at in a few years. I'm sure this list will look silly when compared to whatever makes me nervous then. Here we go:

• Panhandlers who emerge from dark doorways
• Panhandlers who recognize you
• Bus riders who like to discuss bible verses with complete strangers and by complete strangers, I mean me
• People who get you to sign a petition and then ambush you with eight other petitions (complete with clipboard and pen) they've somehow managed to hide from view
• People who don't blink
• More than speaking in public, the anticipation of speaking in public
• Magicians who ask for volunteers from the audience
• News reports related to terrorists and our preparedness for terrorist attacks
• World leaders who seek nuclear capability
• World leaders who have nuclear capability and plan to test a long-range missile
• World leaders who have nuclear capability, but can't pronounce "nuclear capability"
• Odd specks of an unidentified substance in my coffee
• Cups filled to the brim with hot liquid
• Sharp knives in the dishwasher (A long time ago, I slashed a finger reaching in for a spoon)
• Having to pass cars on a two-lane road
• Big rig trucks that tend to drift
• More than mosquitoes, the sound of mosquitoes
• Mosquitoes who can pronounce "nuclear capability"

This weekend, I watched three World Cup matches on television:

1. England vs. Paraguay (1-0)
2. Trinidad & Tobago vs. Sweden (0-0)
3. Mexico vs. Iran (3-1)

I missed the United States vs. Czech Republic game on television, but thanks to the wonders of technology, I was able to follow a real-time feed of the game on my computer and see my country's team go down in flames while I worked. The best feature of the simulcast was the sound effect alerts. Whenever I heard the roar of the crowd, I switched over to see what minute the Czechs scored a goal against us. For the curious, the Czech Republic won 3-0.

Admittedly, I don't follow professional soccer with any regularity and I don't know why. If I were to rank sports I like, soccer would come in third, behind baseball and hockey. Basketball and football would round out my top five.

I like soccer for many reasons, but the first three that come to mind would be:

1. Limited substitutions. Each team is only allowed three substitutions per game. Unlike basketball, where coaches can replace players on a whim or players can choose to rest whenever they feel the need, soccer imposes consequences for changing the line-up. It forces teams to consider the optimal time to take out or bring in players. It recognizes the significance of fresh players with fresh legs that can spark a goal or provide a more vigorous defense.
2. No time outs. Time outs in basketball and football are intrusive momentum killers. Instead of trying to shift the momentum on the court or on the field, the coach tries to affect the momentum from the sidelines. In soccer, the players must shift it themselves, while the game is going.
3. The clock doesn't stop. When there is a foul, a penalty kick, a corner kick or a player change, the clock keeps running. None of it happens outside of the game time, outside of the reality of the game. If there are too many interruptions, the officials simply tack time on at the end of the half. Unlike football, where a sixty-minute game takes two hours to play, a ninety-minute soccer match really lasts ninety minutes.

One of the reasons I don't like soccer is the bad acting that occurs whenever players are fouled or believe they've been fouled. For a good ten seconds, they are in pure agony, sprawled on the ground, exhibiting enough distress to convince any reasonable onlooker that they'll never walk, let alone play soccer, ever again. Moments later, they're miraculously back on their feet, running around as though nothing ever happened. When little kids pull similar stunts, it's somewhat adorable. When grown men do it, it drives me crazy.

This meme is courtesy of the Daily C. The rules are simple:

1. Go to Wikipedia.
2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
3. List three events that happened on your birthday.
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death.
5. Post it.

My birthday happens to fall on August 30, so that's what I typed in. The result was a modest list of events, most of which were war-related. Fortunately, historians (and the Wikipedians who reference them with varying degrees of success and accuracy) keep track of more than just battles and sieges. Here are three of the more peaceful events:

• 1850 - Honolulu, Hawaii, becomes a city
• 1967 - Thurgood Marshall is confirmed as the first African American Justice of the United States Supreme Court
• 2005 - The 17th Street Canal in New Orleans is breached during Hurricane Katrina, leading to massive flooding and destruction.

Since I'm not the best judge of whose birthdays are important and whose are not, I will list two people (a guy and a gal) whose names I think would be most recognizable to the average reader:

• 1918 - Ted Williams, baseball player (d. 2002)
• 1972 - Cameron Diaz, American actress

And as for the interesting death, I chose:

• 30 BC - Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt (b. 69 BC)

If you want to give this one a try, go for it.

I thought I would take a minute to list the books I read in March and April. I also thought I would use the same minute to rate them on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is "Help! My eyes! My eyes!!" and 10 is "I never ever want to stop reading this book. Never. Ever!" I could have said I would score them on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is bad and 10 is good, but that would make sense and, well, why would I want to make that? I would recommend anything rated 6.5 or greater.

• Had Enough? by James Carville (6.3)
• The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova (7.0)
• Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett (8.1)
• A Preface to Paradise Lost by C.S. Lewis (6.0)
• Jingo by Terry Pratchett (8.5)
• Wedding of the Waters by Peter L. Bernstein (7.2)
• Misunderstimated by Bill Sammon (3.5)
• The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett (8.0)

As you might notice, I've resumed my Pratchett habit. I know of no more entertaining way to read about discrimination, racism, nationalism (or jingoism), crime, war (the worst crime of all) and werewolves than to read a Discworld novel.

For over two weeks, I've been trying to get through Neal Stephenson's Quicksilver. The book is over 900 pages long and is the first of three in Stephenson's The Baroque Cycle. (I say this not to brag, but to excuse my slowness.) It's a piece of historical fiction set in late 17th-century England. The first quarter of it focuses on Daniel Waterhouse, a member of the Royal Society, who returns to England from Boston to try and settle a dispute between Isaac Newtown and Gottfried Leibniz over which of the two men invented calculus first. This book is like quicksand. It isn't a quick read, but I'm hopelessly drawn in and the only way to escape is to finish it.

So far, I've been good about keeping track of the books I've read this year. Here is the list of those I've completed in February:

• The Ring of the Nibelung by Richard Wagner/Andrew Porter
• C.S. Lewis: A Biography by A.N. Wilson
• Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained by John Milton
• Shopgirl by Steve Martin
• The Pleasure of My Company by Steve Martin
• The Pilgrim's Regress by C.S. Lewis
• Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris
• The Partly Cloudy Patriot by Sarah Vowell

Rich tagged me with this meme, so here I go...

Four shows I enjoy:

1. Lost
2. Scrubs
3. American Idol
4. Grey's Anatomy

Four jobs I've held:

1. Library Assistant
2. Engineering Intern
3. Engineering Trainee
4. Engineer

Four places I've vacationed:

1. Hong Kong
2. Vancouver
3. Vienna
4. Mau'i

Four cool toys:

1. Canon Powershot S40
2. Palm V
3. Yepp Digital Audio Player
4. AFLAC Rubber Stress Duck

Four Web sites I visit daily:

1. CNN
2. New York Times
3. San Jose Mercury News
4. Major League Baseball

Four places I'd rather be:

1. Yosemite
2. At a quiet cafe
3. Someplace overlooking the ocean
4. Appleland, I mean Disneyland!

Four bloggers I'm tagging:

Okay, I'm copping out and saying if you want to give it a go, go for it.

Last Friday, I finished my third book of the year, Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation. She packs this quick and enjoyable read with information, anecdotes and asides about her obsession with assassinated presidents and their assassins that inspired her "vacation".

Because we're in the middle of Blog Sweeps Week, here is a simple game that you (or your inner-child, age five and up) can play. I'll call it The President-Assassin Matchmaker, primarily because I can't think of a cute or clever name for it. Actually, with the number of times I've used the word assassin, this entry will probably pop up on some federal agency's radar, so it might be better to call this Match the Bunny Rabbit. The answers are at the end of this entry.

A. Abraham Lincoln (1865)
B. James Garfield (1881)
C. William McKinley (1901)
D. John F Kennedy (1963) [not in the book, but added anyway]

1. Leon Czolgosz
2. Charles Guiteau
3. Lee Harvey Oswald
4. John Wilkes Booth

From her writing, one can tell that Vowell is enthusiastic about her subject, unabashedly tossing in facts and details that typical people would discard as extraneous trivia, but fellow enthusiasts and those with any sense of curiosity would happily soak up like a sponge. She has a way of blending her knowledge of history with humor and pop culture references that I find appealing.

To curtail the gushing, I will plug it with a list. Here are the Top 5 fun facts I want to remember from the book:

1. Stephen Sondheim wrote a musical called Assassins. It ran from December 1990 to February 1991. I can only imagine how disturbing it would be to watch actors portraying presidential assassins sing and dance. Would I want to see it? I don't think so, unless I was in one morbid mood.
2. Vowell loves plaques. I must admit to being fond of them, too. I like that they kindly remind us that an important event transpired or a significant building once stood on the very spot where we're standing. Whenever I spot one, I can't help but stop and read it. Plaques are more than markers. They're time traveling devices. I know it's dorky, but maybe one day I'll make a Top 5 list of favorite plaques.
3. The Robert Todd Lincoln (a.k.a. Angel of Death) Link. Lincoln's son stood at his father's deathbed, witnessed Garfield's assassination as his Secretary of War and detrained at the station where McKinley was shot only moments before. If I were a president back then and could connect the dots, I would make sure the man stayed as far away from me as possible.
4. The Story of Theodore Roosevelt's Assassination Attempt. His would-be assassin shot him at close range, but a fortuitously placed steel eyeglass case and folded campaign speech in his chest pocket slowed the bullet. He defiantly declared, "You see, it takes more than one bullet to kill a Bull Moose." He then went on to deliver the speech before rushing to the hospital to remove the bullet.
5. Vowell's religion is American democracy. In the book, she states that she doesn't believe in God, but she believes in our nation's system of government. She doesn't worship at any church, but regularly visits the Lincoln Memorial. Her journey to various historic sites isn't a road trip, but a pilgrimage. And she frankly states that our latest president has shaken her faith.

As a tangent from that last fun fact, I never really equated the belief in the principles of one's country with the belief in the principles of one's religion, but I can see the similarities. I know it's going to sound weird, but I find the parallels fun to think about. It tickles my brain to view our country in terms of devout or non-practicing Americans and our political parties as denominations of the same faith. In times of partisanship (or denominational division), as was evident during last night's State of the Union address, it would be nice if those in the room and those of us at home could refer back to a (yet-to-be-written) book called Mere Democracy. It would be akin to C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity and would "explain and defend the belief that has been common to nearly all Christians Americans at all times."

As a final aside, it's apparently old news, but I only found out last night, from watching The Tonight Show, that Harrison Ford is currently shooting a historical drama about the capture of John Wilkes Booth. It's called Manhunt and is slated for release in 2007. After reading this book, I can't wait to see the movie, but I have a feeling that Vowell can't wait to see it even more than I do.

Answers (if they could be upside-down, they would be): A – 4. B - 2. C - 1. D - 3.