April 2007 Archives

The Sign I Saw

Every morning, on my walk to work, I pass a sandwich shop. With the exception of one thing, it looks like every other dime-a-dozen deli in this city. That one thing is the sign in the front window.

On a white, letter-sized sheet of paper taped to the glass, in center-aligned, sixty-point, Times New Roman font, are the following words, "Graffiti is a crime. All perpetrators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law." Below this forceful statement, in the lower right-hand corner, is a signature, written legibly with a black felt tip marker: The Police.

Whenever I pass the sandwich shop, I laugh. I don't think any graffiti artist in his or her right mind is going to believe the police had anything to do with such a blatantly homemade sign. On the other hand, there isn't a speck of graffiti on the building, so maybe the deli owner is onto something.

The Sign I Didn't

Due to yesterday morning's bizarre gas tanker blast that took out the MacArthur Maze, a major highway interchange on the east side of the San Francisco Bay, all major transit systems are offering free rides today to ease the anticipated traffic nightmare.

Of course, this morning, I thought the free fare only applied to BART riders, and since there wasn't a sign posted at the Caltrain station indicating anything to the contrary, I punched my ten-ride ticket like I would on any normal day. It was only after I was on the train that I realized my mistake. It came as a nasty shock.

A conductor strolled down the aisle, stopped by my seat, and asked if I was enjoying my complimentary trip. I took a second to process his words. Then I said, "Oh, I'm enjoying it just fine. By the way, do you have a nifty gadget I could borrow to unpunch my ticket? Actually, just some tape and white-out would do." At least that's what I wanted to say. What actually came out of my mouth was, "Yes, I am."

I didn't intend to take the train home this evening, but now I will, just to recoup my morning loss. Still, it would've been nice if somebody had posted a sign at the station to let people know about the free fare. To save money, they could've hired the deli owner to make it. The sign might have read: "Alert: To all of our valued riders, fares will not be collected today. The Caltrain Mgmt p.s. Graffiti is a crime, so don't do it!"

It has been a busy week. I haven't had the time or been in the right frame of mind to go through photos or put into words our visit to Yosemite last weekend during Earth Day. I will get to it as soon as I get back on Sunday from a short weekend camping trip. I'll write about that and Yosemite upon my return. As it is, I'm up far past my bedtime. I need to be up by 5:45, and it's nearly midnight. Time to hop in bed for some shuteye.

Elkit did this meme and it looked like so much fun, I wanted to give it a go...

1. Name a movie you have seen more than 10 times
I don't think I've ever seen a movie more than ten times. Ones that might be approaching double-digit status would include Star Wars: Episode IV, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Gosford Park, The Princess Bride, and The Lord of the Rings: Episode I The Fellowship of the Ring.

2. Name a movie you’ve seen multiple times in the theater
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring... I think I saw it twice in two days. I couldn't get enough of it.

3. Name an actor who would make you more inclined to see a movie
Without a doubt, John Cusack.

4. Name an actor who would make you less likely to see a movie
Rob Schneider. Nothing good can come from watching one of his movies.

5. Name a movie you can and do quote from.
I'm awful at quoting from movies. The only quote that comes immediately to mind is, "To infinity and beyond!" And that isn't so much a quote as as slogan. If I could choose a movie to quote from, Airplane! would be a good one. "Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?"

6. Name a movie musical in which you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs
There isn't a musical that meets this description, but there are a few that come close: The Sound of Music, Bye Bye Birdie, and My Fair Lady.

7. Name a movie you have been known to sing along with
Paint Your Wagon, a Clint Eastwood musical. "I Talk to the Trees", "They Call the Wind Maria", and "Wand'rin' Star" are difficult songs not to sing along with.

8. Name a movie you would recommend everyone see
Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. Mmm... cheese!!

9. Name a movie you own
The Incredibles, just another Pixar classic, and don't miss the short that comes with it - Boundin'.

10. Name an actor who launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops
I second Elkit's choice of Mark Wahlberg. At the other end of the spectrum would be Toby Keith (Broken Bridges, blech!) and Britney Spears (Crossroads, ugh!). In other words, avoid music artists starring in films with infrastructure titles.

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in?
Yes, many, many moons ago.

12. Ever made out in a movie?
Hmm... nope.

13. Name a movie you keep meaning to see but you just haven’t gotten around to yet
The History Boys. It's in my queue, it just keeps getting pushed down by other titles.

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
Hmm... nope.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater
Beaches. Technically, it wasn't in a theater, but on a plane. That must have been more than fifteen years ago. I was doing just fine until Bette Midler started singing that gosh darn "Wind Beneath My Wings".

16. Popcorn?
Every once in a long while. Salted and buttered, please.

17. How often do you go to the movies
Once every three months, on average. The advent of Netflix has reduced my visits to the theater.

18. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?
Monster Camp

19. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
Comedy, followed by action. Actually, nothing beats comedy-actions for me think The Mummy or Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

20. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
Star Wars: Episode IV

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
Poltergeist. I saw it when I was much too young and it gave me nightmares.

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
Donnie Darko... "Wake up, Donnie."

23. What is the scariest movie you’ve seen?
The Ring, just one of many movies I've seen that I wish I hadn't.

24. What is the funniest film you have ever seen?
I can't pick just one. Lame, I know. Contenders for the top spot include anything by Mel Brooks (Blazing Saddles), anything by Christopher Guest (Best in Show, and anything by the Zucker, Abraham and Zucker (The Naked Gun).

All day, I've had a craving for solitude. It's a difficult thing to obtain in a city. I just wanted to find someplace to be alone - someplace within walking distance, but away from everybody and everything. At lunch, I went in search of such a place, but failed to find anywhere that met my needs.

In my head, I envisioned a vast, empty meadow bordered by a redwood forest thick enough to keep out the sight and sound of people and cars and tall enough to touch the clouds and block any buildings from view. The meadow would be green and the grass would be so soft that I could fall backwards into it and the entire field would ripple gently. I would lie there and stare at the sky or maybe close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sun or the coolness of the breeze on my face. My breathing would slow and deepen. The tension in my muscles would seep away. With each unhurried minute that passed, my energy and focus would return. I would find my center again. And when the moment felt right, I would slowly rise, leave that haven of solitude, and return to the world.

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.
- May Sarton

(Or Why Giants Fans Should Show Matt Cain a Little Love)

San Francisco's Matt Cain finally won his first game of the season on Sunday. He pitched a 1-run, 3-hit, complete game gem, as the Giants beat the Diamondbacks 2-1.

He may not be the first pitcher in the rotation or highest paid pitcher on the team, but he is certainly the ace of the staff. Opposing batters are hitting a mere .120 against him, which is the third lowest average in the big leagues, behind Chicago's Rich Hill and Seattle's Felix Hernandez. He is also fifth in baserunners allowed per nine innings (BAPNI), which is really just WHIP (walks plus hits per inning pitched) multiplied by nine.

I realize teams have only played 18 or 19 games and most pitchers only have four or five starts so far, thereby providing a very small sample size, but it's still fun to calculate, sort, and compare the statistics. Consider it sabermetrical spring training. For some real sabermetrics talk, check out Beyond the Box Score. To the table...

(A quick key to abbreviations: OBA = Opposing Batting Average, BAPNI = Baserunners Allowed Per Nine Innings)

By the way, Sunday's (a.k.a. Earth Day's) Foxtrot was all about baseball, a game Peter isn't very good at...

Song on my mind... "Thou Shalt Always Kill" by Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobious Pip. They also have a MySpace page, but I didn't want it to be the first place I linked.

When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho”.
When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop”.
When I say "he say, she say, we say, make some noise" - kill me.
Thou shalt not quote me happy.
Thou shalt not shake it like a polaroid picture.
Thou shalt not wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.

I've been listening to this tongue-in-cheek song repeatedly ever since I read about it on Metafilter last week. It's wickedly funny. If you need a good laugh, they released the music video on YouTube.

1. Pack a ripe banana in the side pouch of your backpack to prevent it from getting smashed.
2. Wear the backpack as you cross the street to work.
3. Cross the street with only five seconds remaining on the crossing signal's countdown.
4. Halfway across, decide it might be a good idea to sprint the rest of the way.
5. Feel something hit the back of your leg as you kick into your sprint.
6. At the corner, turn around and audibly gasp as you notice your banana lying helplessly in the middle of the road.
7. Contemplate running into oncoming traffic to rescue your banana.
8. Quickly avert your eyes and walk away as the oncoming traffic hurdles towards your banana.
9. After the onslaught of tires, look back and let out a celebratory yelp as you realize your banana has miraculously survived.
10. With renewed hope, run back to the intersection to save your once-doomed fruit, but then watch in slow-motion horror as a left-turning truck blows through a red light and smashes your banana, splattering yellow bits all over the asphalt.

Don't you hate it when you've had weeks to prepare for something, say a Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing on the firing of the U.S. Attorneys, and you think you're prepared to answer any question or respond to any snarky remark thrown at you, but when you sit down in front of the microphone, you realize you've forgotten your lucky rabbit's foot, I mean, memory? I know I do, and so does Alberto Gonzales...

(Inspired by Wonkette)

1. Barry Bonds, Giants - Controversy aside, it's still exciting to see him hit one deep. Yesterday's splash hit brought back happy memories. This may be the last season fans get to see anyone hit those with any regularity.
2. Craig Counsell, Brewers - Counsell doesn't have the most impressive hitting stats, but his defense is incredible and I love his crazy stance. He one of those guys who gives the game everything he's got. He embodies what I love about baseball.
3. Greg Maddux, Padres - Maddux is just one of the finest pitchers out there. His control is still amazing. He's played for a number of teams since pitching for Atlanta, but I'll always think of him as a Brave.
4. David Ortiz, Red Sox - Big Papi is the heart of the Red Sox. It's fun to see him crush the ball, especially when the game is on the line.
5. Roy Oswalt, Astros - He's one of the most dominating pitchers in the game. It was tough watching him and Houston lose in the World Series two years ago.
6. Albert Pujols, Cardinals - He's off to a slow start this year, but I'm sure he'll heat up in no time. Like Ortiz, he's an intimidating player that can change the entire game with one swing of the bat.
7. Jose Reyes, Mets - I'm a fan of leadoff men like Reyes - guys who are excellent contact hitters and speedy base stealers. Whenever he's at bat, the intensity of the game rises.
8. Curt Schilling, Red Sox - I remember rooting for him when he pitched for the Phillies. The 1993 World Series was a painful affair to follow. Arizona in 2001 solidified him as one of my favorite pitchers, and Boston in 2004 pushed him to the top spot (and I'm not just saying that because he has a blog).
9. Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners - Like Counsell and Reyes, everytime I see Ichiro play, I'm reminded why I love the sport so much. He lives the game. Everytime he steps to the plate, it feels like he's going to make something happen. It's a thrill to see him beat out infield grounders and work the basepaths.
10. David Wright, Mets - He has been a solid hitter and third baseman for New York since 2004. He reminds me a lot of Matt Williams - professional, level-headed, hardworking, and likable. Plus, he's getting better every year.

You might have noticed that seven of the ten players I mentioned are National Leaguers. The N.L. is still my favorite league.

So, who would you pay to see play ball?

Monday now seems like a blurry mess - reading breaking news email alerts, listening to streaming news reports, and checking news blogs for updates as the horrific events that occurred on the campus of Virginia Tech unfolded.

At times, it seemed like access to the information was too easy. One could obtain it through the usual mainstream sources (CNN, ABC, news radio) as well as through the less conventional, first-person sources (LiveJournal, Facebook, Flickr).

The first-person sources brought such immediacy to the story that they didn't take long to overwhelm me. It gave me an almost unhealthy feeling of being right there in Blacksburg, Virginia. At some point, I had to just stop and walk away.

There was too much to take in - too much sorrow for the victims and their loved ones; too much anger at the shooter; and too much frustration with people quick to place blame or quick to pick a fight over gun laws or immigration or race relations.

There were also too many unanswered questions. Who was the shooter? Why had he done what he did? Why had the college reacted the way it did? The questions would eventually be answered, I knew, but not then and there.

Yesterday, when new revelations began to trickle in and mainstream media began to provide new information (instead of constantly rehashing the same five facts), I felt I could pay attention again.

Today, I became aware of how numb I had been the past two days. It struck me when I was watching an interview on The Today Show. Meredith Vieira was talking to three friends of a slain student. They expressed how much she meant to them, how much she had done for them, and how much they would miss her. As they spoke, she went from being 1 of 32, to being a real person, and as she became real, so did their pain and loss.

Today, I also allowed myself to ask the question, “What if this had happened closer to home? What if it had happened at San Jose State?" The possibility seems so remote, as remote as it seemed to the residents of Blacksburg, Virginia, but the remoteness is a false perception.

What is scary is that San Jose State is very similar to Virginia Tech. It's a large commuter school with a student population well above 25,000. If a shooting happened here, would university police and local police be any better prepared than those in Blacksburg?

I can only hope that this awful event has caused colleges all across the country to reevaluate their emergency plans. I hope they have a system in place to notify students, both on and off campus. I hope it goes beyond email or text messages. In the coming weeks, I hope every school meets with local law enforcement agencies to review emergency management procedures. I also hope they meet with their students and faculty members to review what they should do if something happens.

My heart breaks for the victims of the Virginia Tech shootings and my prayers go out to their families and friends. My prayers also go out to the survivors who must now cope with the aftermath. I still can't understand this tragedy and I don't think I ever will.

I want to end this on a positive note, so I will leave you with the inspirational poem Nikki Giovanni read during yesterday's convocation at Virginia Tech. (via The Blathering). If you want to read a transcript of the entire convocation, CNN has one.

We are Virginia Tech.
We are sad today and we will be sad for quite a while.
We are not moving on,
we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.
We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly,
we are brave enough to bend to cry
and sad enough to know we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.
We do not understand this tragedy,
we know we did nothing to deserve it,
but neither does the child dying in Africa of AIDS,
neither do the invisible children,
walking the night awake to avoid being captured by a rogue army,
neither does the baby elephant, watching his community be devastated for ivory,
neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water,
neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib,
in the home his father built with his own hands,
being run over by a boulder, because the land was destabilized.
No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.
The Hokie Nation embraces our own
and reaches out open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds.
We are strong and brave and innocent and unafraid.
We are better than we think
and not quite what we want to be.
We are alive to the imagination and the possibility.
We will continue to invent the future
through our blood and tears,
through all this sadness.

We are the Hokies.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We are Virginia Tech.

I've been in something of a reading slump lately. It has had less to do with the books I've been reading than with the mood I've been in. Lately, I just haven't felt like immersing myself in a book. I haven't stopped reading all together. I just haven't been reading as much as I did last year. As a result, I've fallen well off my book-a-week pace, which is bothering me to no end. Instead of writing a synopsis of each book, I thought I would share a favorite quote (or two) from each.

"And in that place (ed. Capitol Hill), I think about America and those who built it. This nation's founders, who somehow rose above petty ambitions and narrow calculations to imagine a nation unfurling across a continent. And those like Lincoln and King, who ultimately laid down their lives in the service of perfecting an imperfect union. And all the faceless, nameless men and women, slaves and soldiers and tailors and butchers, constructing lives for themselves and their children and grandchildren, brick by brick, rail by rail, calloused hand by calloused hand, to fill in the landscape of our collective dreams."

"It is that process I wish to be a part of."

"My heart is filled with love for this country." p. 362, The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama

"Humanism has to speak in the terms of extant human beings. The terms of today's human beings are air conditioners and suburbs and water impoundments overlaying whole countrysides, and the hell with nature except maybe in a cross-sectional park here and there. In our time quietness and sun and leaves and bird song and all the multitudinous lore of the natural world have to come second or third, because whether we wanted to be born there or not, we were all born into the prickly machine-humming place that man has hung for himself above that natural world." - p. 159

"You could go on forever. You know it. Your muscles have gone supple-hard and your hands as crusty as dry rawhide, and your head has cleared, an your boat goes precisely, unstrenuously where and how you want it to go, and all your gear falls into its daily use with thoughtless ease. There is merely not enough river, not enough time... You don't miss anyone on God's earth's face. You're no more bored with the sameness of your days and your diet and your tasks than a chickadee is bored, or the passenger on the sunny bow, or a catfish; each day has its fullness, bracketed by sleep. In the evenings by the fire and in the clear mornings are when you have it strongest - the balance, the rightness, the knowledge." - p. 292, from Goodbye to a River by John Graves (a book I discovered via Adventure Journalist).

"It is pretty generally admitted, both in the Drones Club and elsewhere, that Bertram Wooster in his dealings with the opposite sex invariably shows himself a man of the nicest chivalry - what you sometimes hear described as a parfait gentil knight. It is true that at the age of six, when the blood ran hot, I once gave my nurse a juicy one over the top knot with a porringer, but the lapse was merely a temporary one. Since then, though few men have been more sorely tried by the sex, I have never raised a hand against a woman. And I can give no better indication of my emotions at this moment than by saying that, preux chevalier though I am, I came within the veriest toucher of hauling off and letting a revered aunt have it on the side of the head with a papier mache elephant - the only object on the mantelpiece which the fierce rush of life at Totleigh Towers had left still unbroken." - pp. 239-240, The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse.

If you'll bear with me, I would like to finish what I started. After we left Santa Rosa, we puttered north on Highway 101, headed east on Mark West Springs Road until we reached Calistoga, and headed south on St. Helena Highway.

We passed Bothe-Napa Valley State Park, a place I would like to visit next time we're in the neighborhood. Hiking in the morning and wine-tasting in the afternoon? There could be worse ways to spend the day.

Since it was quickly becoming evening, we headed straight for V. Sattui Winery, one of the few wineries that offers free tastings. (Actually, we stopped by Beringer Vineyards first, five minutes before they closed and were tersely turned away, so we kept going.)

After sampling a few wines, we continued south to American Canyon. We stayed at a brand new hotel called Gaia Napa Valley Hotel and Spa It is one of California's first green (or eco-friendly) hotels, which means it was designed and constructed with environmental sustainability in mind. What that means is that during design, the architect focused intensively on issues like sustainable site development, water and energy efficiency, and material selection.

Being green also means the hotel management focuses on ways to make their operations more environmentally-friendly. This means things like low flow showers and toilets, energy efficient air conditioners, recycling receptacles, bulk soap and shower dispensers, and chemical free landscaping. I was quite impressed with their list of green features.

It was by pure coincidence that we stayed during the hotel's grand opening weekend. The upside was that nothing had been used yet. I think we were the first ones to stay in our room. The downside was that certain amenities (like the restaurant) weren't open yet.

My favorite parts of the hotel would have to be the swan in the lagoon...

And the gauges in the lobby showing carbon dioxide emissions and electricity and water usage...

That evening, we dined at La Strada. The food and wine were delicious, but the service was only okay. Next time, it would be interesting to try one of the Italian restaurants in downtown Napa.

On Saturday, we got a late start on the morning and decided to visit a winery that was more out of the way, so we ventured over to Andretti Winery, which was founded by famous race car driver, Mario Andretti.

Afterwards, we headed east to take a leisurely drive on the Silverado Trail. At some point, we cut back over to St. Helena Highway and stopped by Cakebread Cellars only to discover that we needed an appointment to taste their wines (a minor detail repeated on their website, which is why it's good to do your research beforehand, children).

Feeling shunned by the world of wine, we drove to Napa to enjoy a midday meal at Gillwoods Cafe, where they serve breakfast all day. I had the Gillwoods Scramble and a big mug of coffee to cleanse my palate of any wine residue.

We wandered around Napa and St. Helena that afternoon, stopped by Trader Joe's to pick up an inexpensive dinner we could eat back at the hotel (thank goodness for microwaves), and resisted the urge to venture out for the rest of the evening.

Here's one of the buildings I photographed while in downtown St. Helena...

On Sunday, we did many mundane things that now escape my memory. The most exciting thing that happened that day didn't take place until that evening. We saw Blue October perform at The Fillmore. I first saw them play in San Jose nearly four years ago.

The opening act was good, but all of their songs seemed to sound alike, except for their inspired cover of Radiohead's "High and Dry". Blue October, though, was pure energy and unforgettable. My favorite songs from the evening include "You Make Me Smile", "Into the Ocean", "Overweight", and "X Amount of Words".

At the end of the night, they gave away these free posters...

And that's that.

Barry Bonds hits two home runs and Russ Ortiz nearly pitches a complete game. Would that happen on a normal day? Maybe if it were 2001, but never in 2007. Thankfully, today is Friday the 13th, where weird and unexplainable things can happen, like a Giants win or Bonds and Ortiz playing like it was 2001.

Bonds only played four innings, but in that short period, he went 3 for 3, homered twice, and drove in four runs. I don't know if his partial game appearances are going to be standard procedure this season, but if it is, the Giants better hope their pitching holds up because their offense dries up once Barry leaves. Tonight, they scored seven of their eight runs in the first two innings, but after Barry's fourth inning home run, the team's bats were silent.

Ortiz was only one out away from pitching a complete game when the manager pulled him. After giving up two runs in the first inning, he settled down and pitched seven scoreless innings. In the ninth, he got the first two batters out, but then gave up a three-run homer. It would have been great if he could have ended his long losing streak with a complete game victory, but Bruce Bochy was smart to relieve him. If he had stayed, Ortiz might have pitched himself right out of a win.

If only Bonds and Ortiz could perform like it was 2001 (or Friday the 13th) every day, the team might not seem so hopeless and the season so long.

Random tidbit: San Francisco's next Friday the 13th game happens in July, when they play Los Angeles at home. That's an awful long time to wait for another win, but at least it will be against the Dodgers.

I spotted this photo on Get Outdoors...

It's a Japanese dog emergency kit. It includes a shoulder bag, tent, mat, leash, wet wipes, tissue, water purifier, emergency water, water bottle, flashlight, batteries, poop bags, food bowl, and first aid kit. It sells for 25,515 Yen or $214.

Of course, if you don't live in Japan, don't worry, there are pet emergency kits available domestically, like The DogGoneIt Kit for Dogs. Although it lacks the nifty tent found in the Japanese kit, it does contain a few unique items like blankets, chew sticks, a tennis ball, and a can opener. It's also much cheaper, only $63.

My first reaction to the photo was to laugh hysterically while shaking my head in disbelief. I kept thinking, "That dog is better prepared than most people are."

My second reaction was to get the latest edition of the emergency supply checklist because I have no intention on being less prepared for an emergency than a dog. By the way, the site includes a page about pets and provides a checklist (just in case you were wondering what to have on hand for your own pet if a disaster strikes).

After I did that, I promptly resumed laughing.

Happy Ride the Fire Eagle Danger Day the 13th!

Poem on my mind... "The Art of Disappearing" by Naomi Shihab Nye, as heard on The Writer's Almanac...

The Art of Disappearing

When they say Don't I know you?
say no.

When they invite you to the party
remember what parties are like
before answering.
Someone telling you in a loud voice
they once wrote a poem.
Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.
Then reply.

If they say We should get together
say why?

It's not that you don't love them anymore.
You're trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.

When someone recognizes you in a grocery store
nod briefly and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven't seen in ten years
appears at the door,
don't start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.

Walk around feeling like a leaf.
Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.

(Or Why The Giants Suck So Badly So Far)

Because this journal isn't boring enough, I thought I'd take a moment to show a couple of tables with baseball statistics. I know we're only nine games into the season, but for my own amusement, I wanted to see if there was any correlation between the number of plate appearances it took a team to score a run and its standing in division play.

The following table shows the teams that needed the least number of plate appearances to score a run. Teams in bold are division leaders.

And here are the teams that required the most plate appearances to score a run. Teams in bold are division cellar dwellers.

Conclusion Stating the Obvious: While a high PA/R doesn't guarantee a spot at the top of a division, a low PA/R nearly ensures a slot at the bottom.

(A quick key to abbreviations: PA = Plate Appearances, R = Runs, % = Win-Loss Percentage)

The world feels more somber than usual today. It must be the overcast skies or it might just be my mood. I have a tendency to project sometimes.

On days like these, I wish optimism was something I could add to my morning cup of coffee. Instead of adding Sweet 'n Low, I would add Bright 'n Cheery (or an appropriate substitute). Or, I wish I could schedule an appointment with a licensed optimistrist (a.k.a. an optimism doctor). The visit might go something like this...

Optimistrist: Hi, I’m Dr. H. What seems to be the problem?
Me: I'm feeling a little low, Doc.
Dr. H: (scribbles something on a pad) Mm-hmm. Low, yes. Have you tried adding Bright 'n Cheery to your coffee?
Me: I didn't know it existed. I thought I was just making it up.
Dr. H: (scribbles some more) Ah, you're right, you were. Very good, you passed the first test. Let's try another one and see if we can't pinpoint the problem. If you would just stand behind the yellow line with the happy faces on it and cover your left eye, please. Now, if you would just read the first line on the chart.
Me: (squinting with my right eye) Uh, futility, bleakness, hopelessness.
Dr. H: (continues scribbling) Very good. If you would cover your other eye and read the third line from the bottom please.
Me: Uh, it looks like desolation, despair, doom, death.
Dr. H: (stops scribbling and snaps his notepad shut) Perfect! Well, in my professional opinion, you're suffering from a dark and dreary outlook on life. The good news is that everybody experiences it from time to time.
Me: Uh, I suppose that's good news.
Dr. H: (grabs something from a nearby drawer) The better news is that it's easily correctable. All you have to do is wear these. (puts something in my hand)
Me: It looks like a pair of glasses with flashlights glued to the frames.
Dr. H: Ah, that's the beauty of the Sanguinivision 2020. It looks like normal glasses...
Me: With flashlights glued to the frames.
Dr. H: (doesn't miss a beat) But it’s so much more. It actually monitors your optimism levels and whenever they drop too low, the S-2020 activates the lights to give your optimism a boost. Consider it mood lighting.
Me: What? You expect me to believe that this dollar-store contraption will brighten my entire outlook on life?
Dr. H: Exactly. I have complete faith it will work for you.
Me: That's ridiculous!
Dr. H: Don't be so pessimistic. Here, try it on, cover your right eye, and read the third line from bottom again.
Me: (wearing the flashlight glasses and covering one eye) Grr, fine! Uh, purpose... possibilities, positivity, potential. What the hectare?!
Dr. H: Excellent! Try the first line again.
Me: Fulfillment, bliss, hope. Wow! That's incredible, Doc! I don’t know how to thank you.
Dr. H: Ah, there is a small matter.
Me: A small matter?
Dr. H: Yes. The bill. I'm afraid your health plan doesn't cover cosmetic psychology, so $145,000 will be more than enough to thank me. By the way, I accept VISA, MasterCard, and PayPal.
Me: $145,000! I can't afford that! Tell me, Doc, what does my health plan cover?
Dr. H: Ah, very good, I'm glad you asked. (plucks the glasses from my hands and hands me something else) It covers this.
Me: Oh, I see. This must be a special mood-modifying device that just looks like a light bulb attached to a rubber band, right? What is it called? The HappyLamp 3000?
Dr. H: Actually, no. It's a light bulb on a band, but if you believe it to possess special powers, I'm positive the placebo effect will work wonders for you. Good day!

Even in my imagination, prescription optimism is expensive. Oh well, at least the world doesn't seem so somber now. Plus, the sun is breaking through the clouds, so today might not turn out to be so bad after all.

If you only get to see one television show this week, I highly recommend NBC's Thank God You're Here. It’s an improvisational comedy that premieres tonight. I watched the first hour online and it's extremely funny. Of course, it probably won't be as funny as ABC's top comedy (the rose ceremonies are a hoot).

Oakland's Dan Haren must be thinking he needs to pitch a perfect game to get a win. In his first two starts, he has given up just one earned run, but has two losses to his name. In those same two games, the Athletics have scored one run and committed three errors. It might help if the team started giving him some run support and stopped booting the ball.

On the bright side, Haren can console himself in the fact that he isn't San Francisco's Russ Ortiz. At least he hasn't gone an entire season without a win. With yesterday's loss, Ortiz hasn't won a game since August 29, 2005.

On the bright side, with each successive loss, the probability that his next start will result in a loss diminishes. At some point in the future, he'll win again. At least that is what Ortiz should be telling himself. It's also what everybody around him should be telling him so he might actually pull himself out of this slump. At all costs, nobody should mention anything about the gambler's fallacy.

1. The season is young and there are still 157 games to lose play.
2. At least they're getting to play baseball, unlike the Indians and the Mariners. Their series has been postponed for three days and tomorrow's game is also in question due to snow in Cleveland.
3. At least they don't have the lowest winning percentage in the league. That honor goes to the Washington Nationals, who are 1-5.
4. At least they aren't the lowest scoring team in the league. A lot has been made about San Francisco's anemic offense, but they've still scored three more runs than St. Louis, last year's World Champions. The Cardinals have only scored seven runs in their first five games.

The person receiving the brunt of the blame for the Cardinals' run drought is Albert Pujols. He has one hit (a double) in twenty plate appearances and has yet to bat in a run. To his credit, he has walked three times and has only struck out once. And on the bright side (and I had to search long and hard for this one), at least he isn't Kansas City's Alex Gordon, who is 1 for 15, with a single, no walks, and six strike outs.

Finally, on a baseball-related tangent, I saw part of last night's Padres game and was completely thrown by San Diego's uniforms. I had no idea they had special camouflage jerseys, which they to honor the military. It threw me for a loop. It's one of those things that fall into the category of cool in concept, but eerie in execution.

Happy Easter!

M had spring break last week and I had Friday off, so we took advantage of the long weekend to visit Santa Rosa and Napa Valley.

The point of visiting Santa Rosa was to stop in at the Charles M. Schulz Museum. I first visited it four or five years ago, when it first opened, and I had been wanting to return.

We arrived at the museum in the early afternoon. The traffic on the main roads around the museum were busy, but the museum itself was quiet, which meant we wouldn’t have to fight crowds to enjoy the exhibits. By the way, for those who might want to visit, admission is $8 per person.

The first thing I spotted when I got out of the car was the giant version of Snoopy's house in the lot next door. It serves as the information kiosk for the adjacent baseball field complex.

The museum is housed in a two-story building across the street from Snoopy's Home Ice, the Warm Puppy Cafe, and Snoopy's Gallery & Gift Shop. I didn't take a picture of the museum's front, but I did take one of its back.

The first floor of the museum is home to two permanent installations and two rotating exhibits. Both installations were created by Yoshiteru Otani, a Japanese artist. One is a massive wood sculpture called "Morphing Snoopy". It is 9.5 feet tall and 26 feet long. It also weighs 7,000 pounds, which means it must have been fun trying to hang. I have trouble hanging simple picture frames. I'm wondering how many people it took to get it up there and who was the lucky one who stood far back and said, "I think it needs to be a little higher on the left. No, your other left."

While the sculpture was impressive, I liked the tile mural more. It is 17 feet wide and 22 feet high and consists of 3,588 different Peanuts strips printed on 2" × 8" ceramic tiles.

These were the only two indoor exhibits we were allowed to photograph. Everything else was off limits.

The two rotating exhibits included Peanuts Lives: A Tribute to Charles M. Shulz and Changing Seasons. The tribute featured the work of other cartoonists. Some of the more familiar strips included Cathy, Garfield, Bloom County, and Beetle Bailey. They also had political cartoons on display. It was interesting to see how cartoonists used familiar images (Charlie Brown's futile attempts to kick the football, the kite-eating tree, etc.) to get across their point. Overall, it was incredible to see the influence Schulz had on other artists.

There were many quotes on the wall, but two stand out most in my mind. One was by Bill Watterson, who praised Schulz's "graphic shorthand and stylistic economy". The other was by an artist whose name escapes me at the moment. He compared reading Schulz's strips to reading a haiku. I'm sure that comparison has been made by others about other comic strips, but it does seem especially appropriate to Peanuts.

The other exhibit featured Peanuts through the seasons. I think I've always been aware of the cyclical nature of the strip - baseball in spring, camp in summer, school and football in the fall, and snow in the winter, but I never really stopped to observe it.

The upper floor featured the obligatory biographical exhibit complete with a time line and trophy cases. It also featured a replica of the studio where Schulz drew Peanuts every day.

After visiting the museum, we went across the street to visit the gift shop, which has some artwork of its own on display...

After getting a couple of small souvenirs, we dropped by the Warm Puppy Cafe for some coffee before getting back on the road and continuing on to Napa.

The final thing I'll leave you with is the sketch I drew at the museum. On the second floor, there's a classroom where anybody can go in and try their hand at drawing. I grabbed a book called How to Draw Peanuts and this was the result...

SELECT * FROM SkittlesBag GROUP BY Color

Help! I've been working with databases all week and everything is starting to look like queries!

Conflict of Interest

As a loyal Giants fan, I contractually obligated to root against Dodgers, but I must admit I was secretly rooting for Jason Schmidt to pitch well against the Brewers. It's physically painful to see the guy wearing Dodger blue after seeing him in a Giants uniform for so long. The good news is that he pitched five solid innings and gave up only one run on three hits. Los Angeles went on to beat Milwaukee 5-4. You should know I have a soft spot for the Brewers this year, especially since they have Craig Counsell, one of my favorite baseball players.

Bronson Arroyo

I'm rooting for Bronson Arroyo again this year. He had his first start today and didn't do so well. He pitched seven innings, allowed four runs on eight hits, and struck out nine. He also took the loss as Chicago beat Cincinnati 4-1.

Bonds Homers

Barry Bonds went deep in the first inning of tonight's game, which means he is twenty home runs away from tying Hank Aaron's record. It's the first run the Giants have scored this season, which is a bit sad considering this is the second game of the season, but on the bright side, at least this isn't Game 3 or 4. I've made some pretty snarky remarks in the past about Bonds, but if 43-year-old veteran is going to be the only one generating runs for the team, then I would like to quietly withdraw and apologize for my remarks. They were obviously made when I thought San Francisco would have some semblance of an offense. By the way, the Giants are losing to the Padres 5-3 in the eighth. I hope Bonds can work some of his magic to tie it up in the ninth.

I just saw the Alanis Morissette video parody of "My Humps" by The Black Eyed Peas (BEP). If you haven't heard the original Grammy-winning song (or seen the video), you might want to watch it to gain some context before viewing Alanis's send up.

The video is hilarious because Alanis not only mocks BEP and their silly song, but she also pokes fun at her sometimes overwrought and serious style (remember "Everything"?). From what I can gather, she recorded the song and video as an April Fools' Day joke. It's pure genius.

Update:

I just read the comments on YouTube and Perez Hilton. It seemed most people understood that she did it all in good fun, but as with every joke, there were a few who just didn't get it. They didn't find the video funny. Rather, they saw it as a personal attack on Fergie.

Feeling their music idol had been pwned, the Fergian Brigade charged in to defend her. They threw all sorts of insults at Alanis. Some called her whiny and ugly. Others called her jealous and a has-been.

Some claimed she had no right to skewer the stupidity of a BEP song since she had written "Ironic", a song they consider stupid because it doesn't contain irony like they expected to... (Isn't it iro...? Forget it.)

Anyway, a few members of the brigade claimed Alanis completely missed the point of "My Humps". The song was tongue-in-cheek to begin with, they said. It was originally written as a joke. This argument made me pause.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if I'm the one who doesn't get it. Obviously, any song that refers to humps, lady lumps, and junk inside your trunk was never meant to be taken seriously. And thinking about the BEP video again, clearly, anybody dressing the way they do isn't trying to be cool. They're obviously aiming for laughs.

Wait, I just had an epiphany. Every BEP song I've ever heard must have been a joke. I thought they had been mere ear candy, but they are actually self-aware songs filled with social commentary encrypted in mindless rap lyrics (Let's get retarded. Ha! / Let's get retarded in here!). Their videos aren't simply eye candy. They're really anti-youth culture statements full of symbolism hidden in hand signs and interpretive bump and grind dance moves.

This point of view sheds a whole new light on other mainstream pop hits. Fergie's "London Bridge", Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend", and Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" (To the left / To the left / Everything you own in the box to the left) suddenly make sense. They're bad and dumb on purpose, and they aren't reflecting the culture, but mocking it.

Wow, this is a mind blowing. I'm going to have to let this all sink in. Forget what I said about Alanis's video being pure genius. It's mean-spirited idiocy. I thought I got it before, but now I really get it and I'm glad I'm not one of those who just don't get it.

Update #2:

Please ignore the previous update. When I miss an episode of American Idol, I become extremely susceptible to stupid arguments. The Alanis video is classic.

Opening Day for the San Francisco Giants begins shortly. They'll be playing the Padres at AT&T Park and I'll be blogging it semi-live as I listen to the broadcast via an audio stream. Think of it as Baseball Twittering.

Before I begin, I should mention that I'm giddy with dread. I can't wait for the game to begin, but at the same time, I'm afraid Barry Zito will get smacked around like Curt Schilling did yesterday. Schilling lasted all of four innings, giving up five runs on eight hits. On his personal blog, Curt cited a lack of command for his poor performance. I'm sure he'll work hard to regain it before his next start, but yesterday's game was painful to listen to. I gave up shortly after Schilling left. Kansas went on to win 7-1.

I listened to part of the Athletics and Mariners opening game and heard the sixth inning when Bobby Crosby booted a routine double play relay throw. If he had fielded it cleanly, the inning would have been over. Instead, the inning continued and the Mariners scored four times before Dan Haren could shut the door. Oakland lost 4-0.

Fortunately, yesterday wasn't a complete bust. After all, Ben Sheets and the Brewers stomped all over the Dodgers and t.

Okay, enough about yesterday. Let's get to today's action. To read this chronologically, please start at the bottom...

- - - - - - - - -

4:22 PM -- And the game ends with the Padres drubbing the Giants by a score of 7-0.

• Todd Linden faces Bell... out.
• Molina vs. Bell... out.
• Feliz vs. Bell... out a single? Wow. Rally time!
• And then Winn rolls it to second to end the game! Shucks.
• SD 7, SF 0

• Bard gets his fourth hit of the day and sends Cameron to third.
• Steve Kline, who had replaced Chulk, keeps the Padres scoreless.
• Giants have three more outs to score seven runs!
• SD 7, SF 0

• Heath Bell in to pitch for San Diego.
• With one out, Vizquel singles. Bonds comes to the plate.
• Bonds sends one for a ride, but it dies at the left field wall and is caught.
• The Giants fail again to mount a rally.
• SD 7, SF 0

• Gonzalez gets on, Bard follows with a double. Men on second and third with nobody out. Khalil Greene hits a single and Gonzalez scores.
• Bochy goes to the bullpen again.
• Vinnie Chulk replaces Sanchez and promptly gets an out, but allows a run to score.
• Russell Branyan doubles and another run scores.
• Chulk walks Marcus Giles. This is getting painful. The weak Giants bullpen is living up to its reputation.
• Omar Vizquel spears a liner by Brian Giles and the inning is thankfully over.
• SD 7, SF 0

• Disappointed they didn't broadcast the 7th inning stretch. Oh well.
• Bengie Molina gets a hit off of the new Padres pitchers, Clay Meredith.
Winn gets a hit. Two men on with one out.
• The rally dies an early death with a Klesko groundball for a double play. Stinkers!
• SD 4, SF 0

• Jose Cruz, Jr. leads off with a triple.
• Bruce Bochy, Giants manager, makes a double switch.
• Jonathan Sanchez comes in for Correia and Ryan Klesko replaces Aurilia at first.
• Sanchez strikes out the first man. 1 out.
• Sanchez throws a wild pitch, way up and outside. Cruz scores. Augh!!
• SD 4, SF 0

• Durham singles, but Peavy gets Rich Aurilia to fly out and end the inning.
• Will the Giants go without scoring a run in their first game?
• SD 3, SF 0

• Kevin Correia takes the mound for the Giants.
• Bard singles, but Correa retires the side.
• SD 3, SF 0

• And who better to get something started than Pedro Feliz!
• I had trouble typing that previous sentence without laughing (and then crying).
• Feliz strikes out just to prove a point.
• Randy Winn walks.
• Lance Niekro pinch hits for Zito with one on and one out and then strikes out. Peavy has fanned six.
• Roberts flies out to end the inning.
• SD 3, SF 0

• Zito is back to work the fifth. Let's hope for a short inning.
• Okay, three up and three down with a strike out is short enough. Come on, Giants, let's get something started already!
• SD 3, SF 0

• Bonds walks, but that's about it.
• SD 3, SF 0

• Dave Fleming mentions the ballpark bunting for the fourth time. Mike Cameron scores on a single by Josh Bard.
• Padres have the bases loaded with one away.
• Zito walks in a run. Bard scores. Brad Hennessy gets up in the Giants bullpen.
• Thank goodness! A double play ball that ends the inning.
• SD 3, SF 0

• Peavy boots a Dave Roberts infield hit, but the Giants don't do anything with it.
• SD 1, SF 0

• Zito has settled down after giving up the run in the first inning.
• SD 1, SF 0

• Peavy sails through the bottom of the second.
• SD 1, SF 0

• Zito zips through the second.
• SD 1, SF 0

• Jake Peavy is pitching for San Diego. He got the first two men out and now faces Barry Bonds. Bonds behind in the count 0-2. Works it to a full count. Bonds strokes a ball to the opposite field, defeating the shift, for a base hit.
• Bonds steals second. Ray Durham bounces to short. The throw to first gets away from Gonzalez. Bonds attempts to score, but is thrown out at home and the inning ends.
• SD 1, SF 0

• The Giants are on the field. Barry Zito is on the mound. Jon Miller and Dave Fleming are in the booth. It's 1:37 PM. Play ball! Zito's first pitch is a strike.
• Brian Giles gets first Padres hit of the season. A one-out double off Zito.
• Adrian Gonzalez pokes a single over the shortstop. Giles scores the first Padres run of the season.
• Zito works out of the inning without further damage. Giants coming up.
• SD 1, SF 0

1:30 PM -- Stu Miller throws out the ceremonial first pitch.

1:23 PM -- The All-Star honoring continues. Fun fact: The Giants have more inductees in Baseball's Hall of Fame than any other franchise. HOFers present include Gaylord Perry, Orlando Cepeda, Juan Marichal, Willie Mays.

1:16 PM -- Since San Francisco is hosting the All-Star Game this year, the Giants are honoring their past All-Stars. Jon Miller, the Giants broadcaster, is down on the field announcing. Names include Felipe Alou, Vida Blue, and Jeffrey Leonard. Now they're getting to guys I remember when I first started following the team: Atlee Hammaker, Mike Krukow, Will Clark, Kevin Mitchell, Matt Williams, and Robby Thompson.

1:11 PM -- The cast of The Jersey Boys just sang the national anthem. Maybe it's just the quality of the audio stream, but they sound screechy. On a positive note, it's a well-harmonized screechiness.

1:05 PM -- They just finished announcing the starting lineup and now they're paying tribute to members of the Giants family that passed away, including Chris Brown, Jose Uribe, and Pat Dobson.

Time is ticking by faster than usual today and it's ticking me off since I specifically requested a slower than usual day so I could finish everything I need to get done. I'm not even a third of the way through my to do list and two-thirds of the day has already disappeared. I contemplated calling the Department of Planetary Temporal Manipulation to file a complaint, but they would merely put me on hold. And while the ages of waiting would only feel like a few fleeting seconds (thanks to their goof up), I don't have ages to spare. What I need is for somebody to insert about four hours between five and six o'clock this evening so I can get back on track. Okay, back to the list.