May 2004 Archives

I have only a moment, over this long weekend, to sit in front of the computer and fiddle with things. What little time I've had has been wasted wisely spent fussing with adjusting colors, which takes much longer than one might suspect. Goodness knows how long I would spend here if I were a talented graphic artist with the ability to transform the whole look and feel of a site. Competence can be a dangerous thing.

I hope everybody is having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. It's time for me to put on some sunscreen, go outside and play.

A flurry of thoughts blow around in my head and I wish the wind would die down.

It was raining as I came to work this morning. I feared it was a sign of a wet Memorial Day weekend to come, but weather.com's forecast calls for the next three days to be bright and sunny. I hope they're right.

While making a brief stop at the library yesterday, I spontaneously borrowed my first audio book. Something compelled me to pick one off the shelf. Hindsight suggests a latent dissatisfaction with the lack of stimulating stations on the car radio dial. I'm now three hours into the unabridged version of A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. Seven hours remain.

The book is enthralling and refreshing. It's my first exposure to the author, so I don't know if the appeal stems from the novelty of the format, the subject matter or his writing style. I suppose part of the excitement comes from the sense of accomplishing something while sitting in traffic and putting miles on my car. It's strange to say, but I can't wait to get back behind the wheel to hear the rest of the story.

Non sequitur #1: Cake's cover of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" recently caught my ear. I thought the band recorded that song many years ago, but Channel 104.9 began playing it a short while ago. I laugh every time I hear it.

Non sequitur #2: Every now and then, you meet somebody who inspires and revitalizes you. You were running on empty and sinking deep into a motivational rut. Then they come along and reawaken your creative desires, the ones that were dormant and in danger of dying. You see how they live, their tireless drive and their endless energy. You suddenly feel an undeniable push to step up your own game. And it's not that they're expecting it from you, but that you haven't been demanding it of yourself. And you're so thankful that they're in your life.

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try

- "Try" by Nelly Furtado

This week's Photo Friday challenge is Black and White. Likely one of the most photographed features in the park, the Yosemite Falls are at their fullest in May and June.

Song on my mind... "Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened

My modem is so slow that uploading a series of photos is a multi-day process. Last night, I diligently typed in clever captions and hurriedly rotated sideways pictures before pressing the submit button. I was rushing since American Idol was about to begin. 0% complete.

I left the computer to work its 56k magic and returned an hour later for a progress check. I did this while cycling through and dialing Fantasia's three voting numbers. 5% complete.

I decided to watch So Close. It was a seven-day rental and I had postponed seeing it for a week. The action sequences were sweet once I accepted that the effects of shattered glass and gravity were inconsequential to the filmmakers. Despite the muddled story line, the three lead actresses, especially Karen Mok, made the film enjoyable to watch. I also liked the movie more as soon as I switched the audio track from dubbed English to subtitled Cantonese. 15% complete.

I took a shower, hit the sack and fell asleep while watching Jay Leno. The last thing I remember was a biologist discussing the Crittercam. Something woke me up around three in the morning. I lazily scrounged around for the remote, rewound the tape in the VCR and watched a blurry Alanis Morissette perform "Everything" on Ellen. Halfway through the song, I remembered the computer and crawled out of bed to check it. 45% complete and the connection had been lost.

I slumped into the computer chair and contemplated setting everything back up to finish uploading, but I was suddenly too drowsy to operate the mouse and keep my eyes open simultaneously. I shut down the system, stumbled back to bed, pulled the sheets over my head and mumbled into my pillow, "Better to deal with it tomorrow."

Well, tomorrow is here and I'm dealing with it, but it isn't any better. This should be fun. Maybe it will finally motivate me to invest in high speed internet access. Just a thought. I exaggerate, of course. This is really only a minor inconvenience, but it's fun to complain. Okay, I should stop now and post this entry because my modem will need to muster all the bandwidth it can once the uploading begins.

(While looking for links, I stumbled across the news that Pepsi Smash, one of my favorite shows from last summer, will return tomorrow (May 27th) with bands like Hoobastank and Limp Bizkit. I'll go program the VCR now.)

Over the weekend, I mistakenly told people that the only family member ever to visit Yosemite was my dad. Nagged by doubt, I decided to check my facts with the family television guide, advice nurse and historian, a.k.a. my mom. According to her, my dad took my mom on a date to the national park in 1972. They spent the afternoon in the valley looking at the waterfalls and exploring the villages. She added that they spent all morning and all evening driving to and from the park. It would be their only visit.

This was my first trip there and it was incredible. We stayed at Curry Village in tent cabins and enjoyed three days of good weather. We did a little exploring, hiking and relaxing. I'm no Ansel Adams, but took plenty of photos. Over the next day or two, I hope to share a few of them as well as some memories from the trip.

Now, let's see, where was I? While I sort through the photos from this weekend's adventure, I have unfinished business from Thursday. Last week's Theme Thursday challenge was Frame. These frames have outlined my view of the world for three years.

You're making it worse. You can see that, can't you? You're afraid of criticism, so you sit paralyzed, trying to think of a painless way out. You don't get it. There is no painless way. The sooner you accept responsibility, the sooner it can be resolved.

Why do you let it drag on? As the repercussions grow, so does your fear. Sitting still will not make it better. It's not a cloud that will pass by if you close your eyes and wait. It is a gathering storm.

You messed up. So what? Everybody messes up. The difference is that they own up to it and move on. You, on the other hand, choose to avoid it and languish in guilt. You let it consume you until it monopolizes your every thought. What good are you to anyone in that condition? What does it say about the type of person you choose to be?

What are you trying to protect? How much are you willing to sacrifice for this temporary sanctuary from the inevitable consequences? Don't sit there and allow this to defeat you. Do something. Suck it up and deal with it.

He took my foot in his hands, pressed it with both thumbs and said, "If I press here, does it hurt?" I shook my head and noticed he was still looking at my foot. "No," I said quickly.

"How about here?"
"No."
"Here?"
"No."
"If I press all the way up this vein?"
"No... no... no."

This went on until podiatrist thumbprints covered my entire foot. With every push and poke, I felt increasingly bad for not experiencing any piercing pain. It was as if I was letting him down. Taking my heel in one hand and my toes in the other, he said, "I'm going to move your foot in ways that may be uncomfortable or you're not used to, okay?" I wasn't really in a position to disagree with a rhetorical question.

"Okay, here we go. Tell me if you feel any sharp pain." He swiveled my foot from side to side. I felt nothing out of the ordinary. Pivot. Lift. Turn. Twist. Lower. Bend. Still nothing. Extreme worry and doubt set in. What was going on? Had I only imagined the soreness and tingling in my foot all of these weeks? Was it stress-related? Psychosomatic?

The doctor paused for a moment and then gently put my foot down. He instructed me to take off my other boot and sock, go out to the corridor and walk up and down the cold tile hallway. With somebody intently watching me, walking became ten times more difficult. I must have exhibited the grace of Frankenstein's monster.

We reentered the exam room and as I sat down, he took one more look at the x-rays. "Based on what I've seen and the words you've used, I would say gobble gobble..." He talked in medicalspeak as he listed his determinations from the examination. Since he hadn't detected any loss of movement, strength or feeling in my foot, he concluded that it was a case of inflammation.

"I can prescribe you an anti-inflammatory other than Motrin or give you a cortisone injection. Both will lessen the annoyance factor. Despite the medication, your foot will heal on its own, but it'll be a slow process, taking anywhere between three to six months to fully heal."

The doctor recommended not running for another month or two. I had already taken a month off in the hopes of seeing some improvement. Completing a marathon will have to wait. I've known for a few weeks now and have been down about it, but I tell myself that it's only a postponement.

I left the hospital relieved. The situation wasn't as bad as I feared. It's temporary and fixable and that eases my mind. The podiatrist also said that I could still hike, which is good news. It means my weekend plans are intact.

Sometimes, when you're feeling blogger's block, it's good to write simply anything. Certain luxuries like originality, honesty, coherence and grammar must be sacrificed to remove the barriers that prevent words from reaching the page. When I'm in such a funk, I turn up the streaming radio, close my eyes, feel the F and J keys under my index fingers and type whatever comes to mind. That lasts about thirty seconds before curiosity nudges an eye open to peek at the anticipated masterpiece. I'm usually underwhelmed by the result. This paragraph is no exception.

Troy opened this weekend and I was about to spend $9.75 to see it when a tiny Athena-like voice told me to consider how much coffee I could drink for the price of one ticket. It was enough to dissuade me. Instead of watching Brad and Orlando on the big screen, I picked up a copy of The Iliad to reacquaint myself with the tale of Achilles, Paris, Hector and the meddlesome gods of Mount Olympus.

Besides reading, I watched Love Actually and Intolerable Cruelty back to back. I think both movies are dangerous to my health. I fear one leaves me feeling unrealistically optimistic when it comes to love, while the other makes me entirely too cynical about it. I'm tempted to believe the second one is closer to the truth, as though sarcastic wit gives Joel and Ethan Coen greater credibility.

On an unrelated note, I think the Sharks should play their remaining games in Calgary. Round three has proven disastrous for the home teams. It was painful listening to last night's broadcast on my way home from work. The Flames won 3-0 and now lead the series 3-2.

I have a baseball entry to post, but I'm on a hockey high right now. Before last night, the San Jose Sharks were down by two games in a best-of-seven series against the Calgary Flames. The Sharks needed to win Game 3.

Somebody mentioned that the HP Pavilion would be open and showing the game on the Jumbotron. At first, it seemed silly to sit in an empty arena and watch hockey on a giant screen hanging over the ice, but curiosity got the better of me. It didn't hurt that admission and parking were free. It also sounded more appealing than trying to catch the action in a crowded place like San Jose Bar & Grill.

The turnout was modest, with enough people to fill approximately four sections. There were limited concessions, but everything was still full price. I had a bland jumbo dog and beer while watching Tampa Bay trounce Philadelphia. I'm rooting for the Flyers, so that was disappointing. Later, I tried a tasty teal mixed drink known as a Shark Island Iced Tea.

After one period, the game remained scoreless. The Junior Sharks took the ice during intermission and played a rousing round of hockey. Nobody scored, but it was highly amusing to watch little kids jam across the ice. Who knows? One of them may someday be the next Jonathan Cheechoo.

It's amazing how much noise people can make. We were only a fraction of the arena, but it sounded like a packed house after San Jose's first goal. The horn blared, the red siren flashed and the rally music played. Everybody was standing and cheering. I closed my eyes and for a moment, it felt like I was inside Pengrowth Saddledome in Calgary.

The Sharks would go on to win by a score of 3-0. The series is now 2-1 in favor of the Flames. San Jose needs three more victories to reach the finals. Let's hope they can keep it together and tie things up on Sunday. It's definitely crunch time!

Just for fun, I'm doing last week's Ten on Tuesday this week and posting it on a Wednesday. I'm such a rebel. The topic was "Ten Things We Probably Don't Know About You". Most of the list is made up of facts from my college days, which were a lifetime ago.

1. I once wrote a song about Will Clark leaving the San Francisco Giants.
2. I can't tell a joke to save my life.
3. Amongst other things, I wanted to be a Disney Imagineer when I grew up.
4. At one time, I considered majoring in political science.
5. I've eaten a half-gallon of ice cream in one sitting.
6. For what it's worth, I have an MBA.
7. I started drinking coffee during my junior year in college.
8. I have no aunts or uncles.
9. My first job was as a student assistant in the periodical section of the university library.
10. When humming absent-mindedly, I tend to lapse into "High Enough" by Damn Yankees.

By the time Friday came around, the temperature had dropped and the wind had picked up. At four in the afternoon, I was unsuccessfully attempting to accelerate the second hand of the clock in my cubicle telekinetically. I now have a theory that coffee weakens one's ability to move objects by thought alone.

An hour or so later, I was racing out of the door to grab dinner and catch a showing of Van Helsing. I liked the premise and the actors (Jackman, Beckinsale and Wenham) the most. The film felt like a tongue-in-cheek spoof that combined elements of every monster movie ever made. It was silly and fun, but too long, nearly two-and-half hours in length.

On Saturday, I drove to Alameda and met up with a few Rice Bowl Journal folks (also known alphabetically as Arnold, Bon, Cat, Chris, Clara, Dave and Mona). We bowled, had some delicious pizza from Zachary's and then did a little karaoke. It was all worth the drive.

I don't know, perhaps it was the effects of the bottled water, but something made me feel safe enough to "sing" with a microphone to my mouth. That was a first. For the record, "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling was my karaoke debut. The words first and debut may seem to indicate a likelihood of future adventures in public singing, but I'm not making any threats promises.

Saturday went by too quickly. I spent Sunday with my mom and the family. We had dim sum at Dynasty Chinese Seafood Restaurant and later had dinner at BJ's in San Jose. I wanted to get home early, but surrendered to a great deal of parental pressure to watch the Survivor All-Stars finale and reunion shows. It would be well after midnight before I got to bed.

This week's Theme Thursday challenge is Twisted.

Yesterday, I went to my first baseball game of the season. I know. A true fan would have seen many games by now, but I'm off to a slow start. Thankfully, the season is long.

We took BART to Network Associates Coliseum to see the Yankees play the Athletics. We were in the section just behind the right field foul pole, surrounded by Yankee fans who were scattered throughout the stadium. Because of this intermingling, a handful of fights broke out in the later innings. Every time there was one, everybody would stand up and watch the Oakland police haul off two or more angry drunks, one usually wearing a pinstriped jersey and the other typically wearing a Raiders jersey.

Eric Chavez, the A's hard-hitting third baseman, had a good game. He slammed two home runs and made a great defensive play. Lunging to his right, he somehow picked off a sharply hit ground ball, then made an amazing throw, from his knees, that skipped off the dirt and into the first baseman's glove, barely beating the runner.

Oakland was up 8 to 3 going into the seventh inning. Mark Mulder had successfully contained New York's all-star lineup up to that point, but everything soon fell apart. Alex Rodriguez belted a three-run homer and Ruben Sierra doubled to clear the bases. The Yankees suddenly had the lead. The Athletics made three pitching changes that inning.

Once New York was on top, the game was over. Tom Gordon came in to pitch the eighth inning and the untouchable Mariano Rivera pitched the ninth. They shut down the opposition and made the hitters look silly as they swung and missed or watched strikes whiz by them. Eric Karros, the former Dodger, was the final out.

On a slightly unrelated note, I can't believe Barry Bonds' on-base percentage of .704. He is 25 for 54 and has walked 44 times. He's simply incredible.

I've been listening to and watching a lot of Alanis Morissette lately. So-Called Chaos, her new album, comes out on May 18th. I can't get enough of her latest video for "Everything".

It's a simple journey down a straight two-lane road in the middle of nowhere. The camera continuously retreats as Alanis walks towards us and sings. I love how she is seemingly moving and standing still simultaneously. People come and go throughout the song, some make repeat visits, similar to the way people do in our own lives. The ones we see are specific to her life: the media, her adoring fans, a group of musicians. Day turns to night and then back to day. There are moments when she expresses elation, annoyance, appreciation and discomfort. Everything is constantly changing.

My favorite part comes when somebody hands her a manila envelope. She pulls out a blank piece of paper and red crayon, scribbles something down and holds it up for us to see. Written are the words, "thank you". She then folds the paper into a plane and tosses it into the sky. Simplicity in expression and message.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here