January 2003 Archives

Why am I still up? I'm not sure, but since I am, here is a Friday Five...

1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
Superman... because he was the Man of Steel. Christopher Reeve had just starred in his first Superman movie and I had a pop-up book where when you pulled the tab, Clark Kent would slide into the phone booth and Superman would slide out almost instantly. I bet I still have that book packed away somewhere around here.

2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
A Yamaha synthesizer. I thought it was a necessity even though my parents had invested an enormous amount of money in a piano. They knew better and told me that I could get one when I moved out on my own. They would also mention something about learning the value of money, but I don't think I was paying much attention by that point.

3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
Hong Kong

4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
I've always wanted to learn what women want, but if that isn't possible, then I've always wanted to learn guitar.

5. What are your plans for the weekend?
Other than looking for an old Superman pop-up book and scrounging around for money to buy a synthesizer, I plan on celebrating Chinese New Year.

Growing up, English was the only language in my parents' house. My mom had considered teaching Cantonese to my sister and me, but thought that it would hinder our performance in school.

When we visited my grandparents each weekend, down in Santa Cruz, the language was predominantly Cantonese, with a little English. It has always fascinated me how my mom seems to become more animated and happier when speaking in her native tongue. I like to believe that she is able to express herself more freely and comfortably. She and my grandmother could talk for hours while my sister and I would play with the miniature pool table or the table tennis set.

There were times where I would listen intently, picking up the topic of the conversation when strategically placed English words would pop up. After a few times, I became an expert at telling when a conversation was about something interesting or simply criticism about my sister or me. We seemed to be a favorite topic of conversation.

And way back when, we would visit my great-grandparents about once a month. At their house, English and three Chinese dialects were used: Mandarin, Cantonese, and Sze Yup, which I think is a sub-group of Cantonese. I must have been at most five or six years old, but I remember standing at the threshold of the kitchen, listening to all of the familiar voices and hearing all of the unfamiliar words. Although I couldn't comprehend what was being said, there was something in the way it was said that made me feel warmth, comfort and at home.

I have always loved the SimCity series. It appeals to the urban planner and architect in me. If I recall correctly, at the end of the SimCity 2000 manual, there was a list of recommended books for those who wanted to learn more about city planning and urban design. It gave me plenty to read when I wanted to avoid studying.

I remember spending many hours building many cities. My favorite town was Beansville (original, I know), a seaside community of 250,000. It had an efficient mass transit system, a robust parks system and plenty of libraries and schools. It even had an island where sims could spend the day at the zoo or the baseball stadium. Maximizing the sims' happiness was forever the goal of anything I tried. When SimCity 3000 Unlimited came out, Beansville was upgraded and it prospered until the great hard drive crash of 2002.

I am now recovering from my addiction to the Maxis simulation machine (that includes The Sims). But with the advent of SimCity 4, there is a great temptation to fall off the wagon. If I do, I will blame it all on Will Wright.

What happens when you bring only one CD to work? You end up listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers for the whole day. The song that has really grown on me is "Throw Away Your Television". Oh, if only I could, but then how would I watch Smallville or feel guilty about indulging in The Bachelorette?

Throw away your television
Take the noose off your ambition
Reinvent your intuition now
It's a repeat of a story told
It's a repeat and it's getting old

I noticed lately that whenever I give directions to project sites, I usually make reference to Starbucks. Yes, Mapquest is nice and all, but sometimes one doesn't have access to the ever-so-helpful Internet. So I rely on my not-very-global Starbucks Positioning System. The conversation goes something like...

Random Architect: Where is Project Blah located?
Me: Oh, it is at the corner of Main and First. It is a big hole in the ground right now.
RA: Main and First, how do I get there?
Me: Do you know where the Random Street Starbucks is?
RA: Oh yeah, I get coffee there all the time..
Me: Ok, you drive there, get a cup of coffee, [insert typical directions here] and about a mile up you should see the big hole, I mean site, on the right hand side.
RA: Got it, thanks!

Not every conversation goes so smoothly, but it seems to work most of the time. Perhaps architects, contractors and engineers just drink more coffee, I don't know.

Unfortunately, there are a couple of flaws in my system. First, I don't know the location of every Starbucks. New ones are being built as I scribble this down. Second, some people have never been to one or have never drunk coffee. gasp So my innate ability to locate places relative to an overpriced Seattle-based coffee chain is lost on them.

With Chinese New Year coming up this weekend, random thoughts about my heritage have been on my mind. I want to touch on a couple of them, starting off with something light...

Whenever I tell people that I'm mainly Chinese with Swedish and other stuff mixed in, they have no trouble believing that I am of Swedish descent. They are fine even though I don't have blond hair and blue eyes. They aren't dissuaded by the fact that I don't do anything particularly Swede-like. They accept it readily.

They go straight to the, "Chinese... really?" The initial reaction is usually followed by something like...

• "You don't look Asian." This is true.
• "But isn't your last name Swedish?" Yes, it is.
• "You don't act very Chinese." I've heard this twice and probably should feel insulted.
• "I thought so." This sends me for a loop since I expect one of the first two statements.

What I've come to expect is disbelief, so I am not thrown by the double takes and looks of surprise. Despite all of my silly American habits and the physical evidence to the contrary, "Really, I'm Chinese."

As an apology to The Bachelorette's Ryan for deriding his poetic abilities in other places, I have written a poem. The wonderful difference is that mine is not being read on national television.

Is this a mountain?
Is this a well?
From where I stand
I cannot tell

Is this a whisper?
Is this a yell?
For when I speak
I cannot tell

Something is said
Nothing is heard
Searching for wisdom
In silence and words

So Billy Joel has been in the headlines recently due to crashing his car into a tree. When I was really young and had only been playing the piano for a couple of years, I dreamt that I would someday write and play songs like Billy Joel.

Being heavily self-conscious, I never pursued singing lessons, but I did continue piano lessons and practicing his songs. I bought the sheet music for his greatest hits and played them constantly, much to the annoyance of my sister who would practice Rachmaninoff and Chopin for hours on end.

I remember playing "Just The Way You Are" for a high school talent show and playing "She's Always A Woman" to impress a crush back then. In both cases, my heart was beating so rapidly and my palms would not stay dry. But in the second case, I actually thought I would die.

Do you see, like me, a bunch of dirt and weeds fenced in to form a desolate landscape? Or do you see a patio of flagstone with a table and barbeque, a u-shaped path that winds its way around islands of flowers and shrubs with a fountain and swing? Okay, that second one is a little hard to picture presently, but it is possible.

This is a photograph of my backyard. It is thirty feet deep and sixty feet long. With a little help and a lot of money, I can transform the barren wasteland into a beautifully landscaped yard. My neighbor hired a landscaping contractor to finish his backyard for about ten grand. Since my plot of ground is twice the size, I would need to save for a long time to do the same thing. My current option is to do it myself, so I'm in the planning stages.

There are so many possibilities at this point. So much potential for this "clean slate". If done properly, it could make a great place to hold parties. It could be a quiet place on a gentle summer evening for reading. It might even be a peaceful spot to sit on the swing with the one I love as we stare at the stars.

Chicago had only two showings in town this weekend and I was lucky enough to catch the second one. What it is about musicals that makes me love them so? I can't fully put it into words, but is like a feeling of elation, being caught up in the rhythm, the vocals and the emotions of the moment. A musical can draw you in with melodies and stories and bring everything closer to your heart in ways that a regular play or movie cannot.

This Fosse, Kander and Ebb musical movie adaptation was captivating. I loved Catherine Zeta-Jones' singing and dancing, especially in "I Can't Do It Alone" and "Cell Block Tango". And while I was hoping to see more of Taye Diggs, I got a total kick out of John C. Reilly and his "Mister Cellophane". This is a movie that will be joining my small DVD collection. I have never seen the stage production of Chicago, but now I'm itching to go.

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there

It is always fun to be up at midnight or 1 AM when I suddenly have the inclination to write something down and my web host service is down for "data migration". I can view my journal but make no entry, like opening my mouth to speak and realizing that I'm mute.

Granted, the ideas I wanted to put down weren't all that amazing. But it would be nice to post them all the same, at the time they actually occur. Real-time thinking. Physical evidence that I have brain activity. Instead, I end up feverishly scribbling them on paper as the thoughts escape my mind like a slow leak and then backfilling entries. Aargh!

What is in a name? I've been meaning to write an explanation as to why I chose "Lonely Sea Light". I thought I should write about it before my original reasoning fades away.

I was looking for something to express a number of things about myself. My terminal loneliness, my love for the beach, my love of music and my engineering profession. There aren't many titles that fit that description without taking up a few lines of text. But in a brainstorming fit, the current one came to me.

I started with the idea of naming it after a lighthouse, like Long Point Light or Portland Head Light. But those weren't very suitable, so I looked to music to find something more appropriate and found a Beach Boys song. Forty-one years ago, Brian Wilson wrote "Lonely Sea", one of the most hauntingly beautiful surf songs I've ever heard.

The lonely sea
It never stops
For you or me
It moves along
From day to day

That's why my love
You'll never stay

This pain in my heart
These tears in my eyes
Please tell the truth
You're like the lonely sea

Taken another way, the name expresses my tendency to temper my sadness with humor and laughter. I may be stranded in the vastness of a dark and lonely sea, but the distant light gives me direction, gives me hope.

Deconstructing a name and the motives behind it is a little too demystifying. I already have pangs of regret for even trying to explain it, perhaps making too much of it. I wonder if the future me will appreciate the time it took for the present me to overanalyze these three simple words.

Not every Friday Five piques my interest and most I find difficult to answer in complete honesty. There was one about jewelry and tattoos recently that I would need to make up answers for just to finish and really... what fun is that? But I can find responses (beyond a simple "no") to the five questions this week...

1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?
It has a tendency to be clumsy and uncoordinated.

2. What are two things you love about your body?
It has a high metabolism rate and above-average finger dexterity for typing and piano-playing.

3. What are three things you want to change about your home?
Were cost not a factor, I would hire an interior decorator to help me with an oceanic/beach theme for a few of the rooms in the house. I would clear the clutter to make it easier to clean. Oh, and there would be a pool table in the spare bedroom.

4. What are four books you want to read this year?
The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan, Life of Pi by Yann Martel, Tishomingo Blues by Elmore Leonard and Sula by Toni Morrison.

5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?
Promises I've not told anyone else? Hmmm... eliminate procrastination, avail myself to new people and experiences, stay focused on the task at hand, smile more and continue to seek happiness.

I took the time to see the surfing movie, Blue Crush, this week. I was a little disappointed with the storyline, it was all too predictable. Static characters placed in a dynamic environment. The surfing shots, especially the wipeouts, were spectacular. The music matched the harrowing rides the surfers made. I was taken with Sanoe Lake and the whole surfer culture (the clothes, the music, the slang and the lifestyle). To wake up in the morning and catch a couple of waves before work would be sweet.

The movie did reinforce my desire to try surfing. Santa Cruz is so close. My courage... not so much. I think once I get into better physical shape, I will feel more comfortable taking on what looks like a challenging and dangerous sport.

So now that this year is 24 days old (such a young thing still), I think it is time to see how my resolutions are doing. I made three major resolutions that I was a little hesitant to write lest I jinx myself. For my sake and my memory's sake, I decided to write them now. I resolved to drink less coffee, eat more food and exercise more. Could I be any more ambiguous?

The problem with the ambiguity is that it is hard to determine if I've actually succeeded or failed. Depending on my mood and the degree to which I want to delude myself, I have either broken every one or passed with flying colors. I realize that any meaningful goal has to be realistic and measurable. So here I go 24 days after the fact...

#1 - Drink less coffee.
I will drink only 1 medium coffee or 1 medium latte a day. I have been very bad so far with this resolution. I've drunk less coffee than last year, but I failed against this new criteria.

#2 - Eat more food.
I will eat at least 2,700 calories a day. This seems like an awfully large amount of food, but to get back up to the healthy weight for my height, I need to eat more. Measured in bagels, I will be eating 9 bagels or bagel-equivalents a day. Yay? This one is hit and miss. Some days I just can't fit another piece of food in my mouth without feeling completely sick. It requires more snacking throughout the day and being more conscious of what I eat. Calorie counting stinks.

#3 - Exercise more.
I will exercise 3 days a week for an hour each day. I joined a gym for the first time in my life. It is one of the few places that doesn't sell alcohol and is open beyond 10 PM in this town. Okay, that isn't all true, Starbucks is open until 10:30 PM, but going there would probably violate Resolution #1. This one is actually going well.

In all honesty, my not-so-secret fourth resolution is to be less shy and more confident. Shyness is my leitmotif. This one I find troubling to quantify or measure. It is just too broad. I need to break it down into smaller bite-sized resolutions and goals.

My success up to this point is questionable. I have resolved to go out to lunch with a different coworker at least once a week. A minor success this week was having lunch without being flustered or tongue-tied. Leaving comments on other journals and posting to community boards could qualify as other minor successes. I still go through this obsessive grammar, spell and idiocy check just before I post. I need to just hit the submit button!

There are more than enough examples where I have retreated, but I'm not prepared to list all of them. Sufficed to say that this is the resolution that will require constant concentration and effort.

Whenever I get low, like I've been over the last 24 hours, I usually dig through my small collection of music to find something uplifting or comforting. This morning I listened to Pet Sounds from the Beach Boys. I find solace in songs like "That's Not Me". They serve as gentle reminders of truths so obvious that I've forgotten them.

I had to prove that I could make it alone
But that's not me
I wanted to show how independent I'd grown now
But that's not me

I could try to be big in the eyes of the world
What matters to me is what I could be to just one girl

I went through all kinds of changes
Took a look at myself and said that's not me
I miss my pad and the places I've known
And every night as I lay there alone I will dream

I once had a dream
So I packed up and split for the city
I soon found out that my lonely life wasn't so pretty

Song on my mind... "Momentum" by Vienna Teng

would you help me rise up
touch my face and watch me try to breathe again
would you let me do this
burn down the final wall

overcome me baby
all I'm asking is to be alive for once

So I may be feeling a little guilty for watching High School Reunion. It is a reality show that reunites the class of 1992 from some random high school. I can't help but relate to it since my 10th year reunion was just last September. I didn't attend due to a lack of curiosity and the fact that the few classmates I keep in touch with weren't going to attend either.

If the television show is any evidence of how my own reunion went, then I am glad I missed it. No matter how far people had progressed over ten years, they seem to regress to their high school mentalities when reacquainted with old friends, rivals and crushes. I also dread the fact that those attending would mainly be there to either show off or compare themselves to everybody else.

Back in high school, I hung out with three distinct cliques. The first was the "movers and shakers", the cool kids with ambition, looks, money and good social standing. The group took me in most likely for my ambition, since I don't recall having any of those other traits. The second group was the "artists", the actors, dancers and musicians. One of my best friends was part of this group and I was a pianist and aspiring songwriter (that aspiration ended when I realized I did not have the aptitude for such pursuits). The last clique was the "brains", which included my other best friend and I remember hanging out in a class that they took, even though I wasn't enrolled in it (that is how I inadvertently learned a little bit about photography).

My simultaneous associations had advantages and drawbacks. It taught me to be compassionate and understanding of different views and perspectives. It offered me opportunities to excel in a variety of pursuits from student government to the annual talent show. It also prevented me from being easily labeled and stereotyped. But all of those advantages were offset by one major drawback. My multiple associations kept me at arms-length from any one group, never completely fitting in with one group or another.

At times it seems rather noble, attempting to break stereotypes and attempting to set myself apart by being well-rounded. At other times though, it seems like a self-defense mechanism, keeping or increasing the distance between myself and those around me so that I won't get hurt or be completely rejected. Looking back, I realize that I did the same thing in college and I would not be shocked to discover that I am doing the same thing now.

It is very easy to jump onto bandwagons. Sure, why not? Go ahead and cheer for the local football team (e.g. the Oakland Raiders) as if you have always supported them. When they win, you win and you can temporarily share in their moment of victory. There is no emotional attachment, which a true fan feels, to bring you down when your team is down. All the pleasure without the pain. You can see how bandwagons could really rub folks, like the Raider Nation, the wrong way.

In all honesty, I'm not a big football fan. Sure, I know bits and pieces about the sport, a name here or there, but I don't have the same passion for it like I do for baseball. Between the two Bay Area teams, I have probably followed San Francisco more times than not. I grew up during the eras of Montana and Young, which is enough to tie someone to a particular bandwagon.

There are most certainly exciting plays in football. Emotions can run the entire spectrum from elation to exasperation within a couple of plays. I experienced it Sunday as I checked in on the Oakland game. I was thrilled that the Raiders won, but I really only watched so that I could speak knowledgeably about the game when I came back to work on Tuesday. Football is acceptable office conversation amongst the manly engineers and architects. The other things I saw over the weekend (musical theater and figure skating) are strictly taboo. True.

I watched most of the U.S. Figure Skating Championships this weekend and it was rather disappointing. Something about the small ice rink in Dallas resulted in poor performances by the pairs and men. None of the pairs skated cleanly and Timothy Goebel (the quad king) did not land any of his four planned quads. It wasn't until the ladies skated that the level of competition rose. Watching all of those figure skaters made me feel exceptionally old. I have been an avid Michelle Kwan fan for 11 years... scary. I have rejoiced over every one of her national and world titles and agonized over both Olympic results.

I sometimes feel as though watching figure skating is as stressful for the fan as it is for the skaters themselves. It is easier to handle when the skater is a relative unknown since expectations aren't there yet. This weekend, Ann Patrice McDonough and Ryan Jahnke exemplified that type of new and exciting skater on the rise. There is something about potential that is so appealing. I truly find the possibility for greatness in others very attractive. I don't know, perhaps it gives me hope that I still have a chance for brilliance.

It is all good until your favorite skater is ready to perform. Things before then didn't seem so significant, but as your skater takes the ice, the tension sets in. You are rooting for her with all your heart, hoping that she wins her seventh straight title, hoping for some redemption and hoping that her program will somehow silence the critics who say that her time is over at the age of 22.

I watched as Kwan skated one of her most graceful and flawless routines... ever. When she landed, she seemed so perfectly balanced and smooth. You could feel the energy and intensity increase with each completed move and jump. There was a palpable rush when she went into her signature spiral, soaring across the ice on one leg, arms reaching out, a smile on her face, and the crowd reacting as though they were finally aware that something spectacular was happening. When she went into her final stylized spin, knowing that she had done everything she possibly could, she basked in the ovation that began before she even finished the program. I was overjoyed. She had blown everybody away and the main competition was still to skate. But even in my revelry, her victory pained me a bit, thinking that is was this performance that she needed at the Olympics to finally complete her quest.

One of my favorite songs from 2002 has to be Sheryl Crow's "Soak Up The Sun". It just captures summer and brings a smile to my face. I can't help but think of girls on the beach, surfing, sunrises, and bright sunny days. Carefree and light, a throw back to the classic Beach Boys. Crow is an artist that has grown on me over the years. C'mon C'mon is the first album of hers that I purchased, but her other ones are most certainly on my wish list.

I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun

It would be nice if I could make a decision on how to display the photos I took with my relatively new digital camera. I have pictures dating back to Thanksgiving residing on my hard drive. Thanks to procrastination and need to get the layout just so, they still sit there.

So I am watching Ed and thinking that this is a pretty good episode. The second to the last scene is set in a restaurant where Carol, Molly, and Nancy are having lunch and talking about Carol's failed date. In the background, a song is playing and it sounds oddly familiar. I listen closely and realize that it is "The Tower" by Vienna Teng! I am then thinking that this is a very good episode. I was completely blown away.

My exact expression was "Holy crap! That's Vienna!!" You would have thought I was hearing my own song. I know, I know, I don't really know her, but I did see her play live in San Francisco a couple months back. She is a local Bay Area artist who recently released a new album. It was just very cool to hear her song on national network television. Wow.

I simply love the movie High Fidelity. I saw it for the second time last night. John Cusack is one of my favorite actors. I can relate with Rob, Cusack's character, and identify with his good and bad qualities. I like this movie because of the many musical references (ok, I don't know some of the songs, but the fact that somebody out there is that musically literate impresses me), the characters' neurotic behavior (Rob reorganizing his entire album autobiographically was classic), and the lists, all of the wonderful lists. In a feeble tribute to the Top 5 Lists, here is my Top 5 List of DVDs to purchase:

1. High Fidelity
2. American In Paris
3. Princess Bride
4. Amelie
5. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I really need to make time for this, all of this. I have this general feeling that I am not using my time very efficiently. I am developing this nasty habit of getting started on a task and getting sidetracked. Say I was vacuuming and I pass the laundry room. I suddenly remember that I need to get a batch in. So I stop vacuuming, grab the laundry and put it into the machine. In the room are shirts that I have neglected to iron. Ah, I think, I should iron those right now and run off to grab the ironing board. Meanwhile, the vacuum sits idle and the washing machine waits patiently. This is very, very bad.

I really need to get back to making a list. I strayed from that after I originally mastered sorting and organizing what I needed to do in my head. With so many random things happening now though, I can't always keep everything straight. In that respect, I need to get back to a more structured approach to my life. Once I get that down again, I will hopefully have more time to do everything else that I want to do.

I turned on the radio to some generic country station with the idea that it might do the trick and help me nod off. Randy Travis was singing (his voice is very distinct). I wasn't really paying much attention to the lyrics until it got to the chorus a second time. The words are simple and the message is nothing new, but there is something about a good old country song like "Three Wooden Crosses" that gets me everytime.

A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher,
Ridin' on a midnight bus bound for Mexico.
One's headed for vacation, one for higher education,
An' two of them were searchin' for lost souls.
That driver never ever saw the stop sign.
An' eighteen wheelers can't stop on a dime.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.

After a few more songs, my eyelids grew heavy and I finally got a couple hours of much needed sleep.

I found it nearly impossible to fall asleep last night, which is usually a good excuse for reading into the wee hours. A chapter or two is typically enough to knock me out. My mind was racing on about something or other, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what something. I conjectured that it might be all the house cleaning I still need to do, but dusting and vacuuming aren't that big of a deal. I finally settled on the idea that my insomnia was due to work-related stress. I thought that if I identified what was bothering me I could sleep peacefully. Unfortunately, I was still wide awake.

I actually watched The Bachelorette last night and watched it without much guilt. Something seems forced and unreal when one guy can have his choice out of twenty-five beautiful and intelligent women. But turn it around and it doesn't seem so far-fetched that one woman could have her way with twenty-five handsome and successful men.

I am rooting for Rob, the quiet guy from Biloxi, Mississippi. I like him because he seems sincere, his name isn't Brian, his hairstyle actually has some character, and he doesn't appear to be like any of the other muscular copycats that dominated the scene. I also like Ryan, the poem guy, though his name rhymes with Brian. I was disappointed but not surprised that she didn't choose Billy. If I was to guess from the first episode, I would say she will be proposing to either Russ or Charlie.

Song on my mind... "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence

wake me up inside, wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run, before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become

now that I know what I'm without,
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

For the last five years, I have worked in cubicles with no direct sunlight, but for the next three months I will enjoy a corner spot with a southeastern exposure. As part of the office reorganization, some people are being shuffled around and by the luck of the draw I got the choice space. Yeah, a cage with windows is still a cage, yet what a lovely view. I ought to take a picture of it before I have to give it up. I am so stoked!

I saw Catch Me If You Can starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks on Sunday night. The buzz around this movie has been huge and I can see why, it was very good.

The story was inspired by actual events. DiCaprio plays Frank Abagnale, Jr., a check forger back in the 1960s who duped banks out of millions of dollars. Hot on his trail is Carl Hanratty (the incredible Tom Hanks), a doggedly determined FBI agent. The movie was a crowd pleaser with its unexpected twists and tight situations.

I was hooked from the opening credits that paid tribute to the animated Pink Panther title sequence scored by Henry Mancini. John Williams composed all of the great music for this movie. He and Spielberg always seem to work together. I wonder if they are joined at the hip.

One of the things I dread, being a shy single and all, is eating out alone. I am sure it is a whole combination of fears and anxieties that make solo dining unappealing. I mean, I'm fine with going to coffee houses alone, watching a movie alone or shopping alone, but the thought of eating at a restaurant alone seems so... pathetic. The worst thought that crosses my mind is that people will stare at me, laugh at me, give me spiteful looks and think, "What a loser! He doesn't have anybody to share a meal with... how sad." It is enough to paralyze me and keep me indoors.

One of my resolutions this year is to be less shy and be more confident. This coincided with a craving for pancakes this morning. I've been meaning to have brunch at Just Breakfast, a local restaurant. (My other resolution is to try every restaurant in town, at least once, this year.) So after some internal debating, I finally forced myself to go and eat there. I wasn't about to start breaking resolutions on only the fifth day of the new year because that would really be sad.

When I got to the restaurant I had short anxiety attack, so instead of walking in, I walked passed it and up a half-block before I turned around and came back. The place was absolutely packed with families and couples enjoying Sunday breakfasts. I put my name on the waiting list and was eventually seated at a table for two by the front window.

As I sipped my coffee, I looked around the restaurant. People would glance at me, but I told myself not to think about what they were thinking. I reminded myself that I really couldn't read their thoughts and, most likely, people weren't even paying any attention to me. I tried to relax and enjoy the view outside and the activity around me. I did make a note to bring a newspaper next time, so that I had something to keep my hands and mind occupied.

I made a couple of "interesting" observations while waiting for my food. There was a family of five, where everybody talked except the dad. He looked a little bored, as though he didn't really want to be there. There was an older couple in the corner trying every ring tone on their mobile phone. I noticed another older couple enjoying each others' company as they read different sections of the newspaper. There was a young family attempting to have a peaceful breakfast as their older toddler tossed all the forks on the floor. And I noticed a middle-aged man, dressed in cycling gear, eating alone and browsing a sports gear catalog.

The food didn't take long to arrive and the service was quite good, which explains why the restaurant was rated one of the best in the south valley. I went through my scrambled egg, ham and pancakes rather quickly. I drank only a cup and a half of coffee. I requested a glass of water, just so that I would have an alternative drink to reach for when I had the urge. The meal was really quite good, so I think I will be coming back soon to try one of their omelettes.

As I left the restaurant, a sense of relief washed over me. None of the bad things I thought would happen ever happened. It was a positive experience that I would be willing to do again. It made me appreciate, though, eating out with good friends and good company. I felt pretty proud of myself for finally having the guts to eat out alone. It's silly, I know, such a stupid little thing like this, but if you could understand the anxiety and stress it causes me, you could perhaps appreciate today's small victory.

After meeting with an old high school friend, I was in a most definite mood to see the coast. I pulled out my map and spotted Half Moon Bay right away. A little south of there is San Gregorio State Beach. I had never been there or at least don't remember being there before. I hopped in my car and began the journey.

I went up Highway 280, made my way west on 84 towards the coast, passing through Woodside and La Honda along the way. The winding mountain roads were a favorite course for motorcycles and cyclists alike. At one peak, there were dozens of motorcycles lined up outside a mountaintop restaurant.

I finally reached the beach. It was littered with driftwood and old bonfire pits. People were everywhere, enjoying picnics, reading, admiring the waves and the view. I took it all in, walking the length of the beach and up the cliff to take a few pictures. I won't say, this time, that there is something spiritual about watching the tide and hearing the roar of the waves. I will say that there is something strangely calming about it. I don't feel rushed and I don't feel worried. I only smell the air, feel the breeze and the warmth of the sun.

The movie marathon picked up at my parents' place. It was combination of action and comedy, good and bad movies. It started on Saturday night and finished tonight. For an official tally, the marathon included ten movies over five nights.

We first saw Men With Brooms, a Canadian movie that focuses on the sport of curling, though at its core it is a romantic comedy. It stars Paul Gross (who was in the hilarious but short-lived television show, Due South) and Leslie Nielsen. It was a quirky and offbeat comedy that I really enjoyed. There was one especially endearing moment when the main character talks about the "poetry" of curling. It reminded me of the way that I think about baseball, as being something more than a simple game, as being something infused with meaning and spirit. It was then that the movie had me hooked.

We then saw The Sum of All Fears, which is based on a Tom Clancy novel of the same name. I have not read the book and after seeing the movie I have no real inclination to read it (a totally opposite reaction than when I saw The Two Towers). Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman star in this one, along with James Cromwell (who I really liked in L.A. Confidential). I thought the movie suffered from a lack of plausibility, especially during the second half, where I felt like shouting at Jack Ryan, Affleck's character, "What the heck are you doing?! Why are you doing that?!" I dug the previous Clancy films with Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan. My major dread now is that Hollywood will like Affleck so much that they will cast him as a young Ford in any future Indiana Jones or Star Wars movie.

There was an obligatory pause to watch the live NYE coverage of celebrations in New York and Las Vegas. Tonight was the finale of the marathon and it sort of ended with a whimper.

First off was K-19: The Widowmaker, a National Geographic movie based somewhat loosely on real events. It stars Harrison Ford (not Mr. Affleck) and Liam Neeson as Russian submarine captains aboard the first Soviet nuclear submarine that runs into major problems en route to its patrol zone along the east coast of the United States in 1961. It had some tense moments revolving around some key issues like sacrifice, duty, leadership, decision-making, and loyalty. I liked it for the most part, but I think that U-571 was a better submarine movie. I should also note that my boss requested that all of his employees see this movie. I am trying to make the connection between our office and a nuclear submarine and the possible correlations worry me.

The last movie was a silly Tim Allen movie called, Joe Somebody. It was an average comedy with bits of office humor, slapstick and romance. Most of the actors in the movie are on current or recent televisions shows and it seemed as though they were typecast. Overall, it was amusing but predictable.

Addendum: This will bug me if I don't mention the other six movies seen. They include:

• Ballistic (so-so movie, Lucy Liu rocked)
• The Rookie (inspirational and true baseball story)
• Murder by Numbers (enjoyed Bullock more than film)
• The Scorpion King (give me back Brendan Fraser)
• Y Tu Mama Tambien (solid sad sexy foreign film)
• Say Anything (another reason I like Cusack)

My family started off the new year with dim sum in Milpitas. We then visited the recently opened Santana Row, with its high class shops and expensive studios and lofts. I was mightily impressed but my family was rather put off by the place.

Afterwards, we went to Oakridge Lanes for some bowling. It has been many months since I've been there, so my only goal was to score over 100. We bowled a couple of games and I did relatively well, scoring 120 and 129. It got me thinking that I should bowl more often, since I have a good time everytime I go. Unfortunately, Morgan Hill's bowling alley has been closed for some time, so Gilroy (about 10 miles south) would be the next closest alternative. Maybe I'll check it out anyway, just to satisfy my curiosity.

The first day of the new year is here. Does it feel like 2003 to you? I wish I had a story of partying and getting completely smashed last night, but I really feel as though I've outgrown that. And if I keep repeating that to myself, I may very well convince myself that it is true. I actually enjoyed a very mellow end of the year with my family. It was a chance to reflect on the past year and really focus on the opportunities a new year has to offer. Here is to 2003.