November 2002 Archives

The Coyote Creek Parkway is a 15-mile multi-use trail that connects Morgan Hill with San Jose. I have not succeeded in hiking the entire trail. Most days, I hardly have a chance to get there until the afternoon. I have perhaps gotten to the 5-mile marker before it is a race back to my car before the darkness overtakes me.

The trail is crosses under Highway 101 at a point, parallels the creek for a good distance, runs next to a radio-controlled airport (people can fly their miniature planes out on the airstrip) and eventually borders a couple of ponds and lakes. What lies beyond that is still waiting for me to explore.

The trail is mainly travelled by cyclists and joggers, so most of the hike I could find myself alone, enjoying the outdoors in blissful solitude. It made for an extremely enjoyable and relaxing day.

The day itself was quite beautiful. Just before leaving I took a quick photograph of a hot air balloon that was traveling north from Gilroy.

Thanksgiving was a small and intimate affair with only Grandpa O and D's friend A joining us for the mini-feast. We first ran off to see the Harry Potter sequel. I will say right off, I liked the first one better. Something about sitting in the very first row and tilting my head in the most awkward position may have tainted my opinion.

Afterwards, we played a little mah jong before sitting down to a very filling and pleasant meal.

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I have the extremely unoriginal idea of listing the top ten things I am most thankful for this year. In completely random order...

1. family
2. relatively good health
3. new house
4. financial security
5. the good weather
6. Bay Area baseball
7. freedom of speech
8. people who listen and make me laugh
9. music
10. coffee

I had lunch today with B, T1, and W at a nifty little restaurant called, Henry's World Famous Hi-Life. B was kind enough to drive us in his new and beautiful BMW. His driving style can be best summed up as, oh, rather erratic and very unpredictable. More than ever, I am thankful for seatbelts. We drove full tilt into a couple of unexpected and belated left turns. Admittedly, his car handles those curves really well, much better than I do.

T1, I should note, is a first-rate baseball fan. He knows so much about the sport that I find myself having to do quick web searches just to keep up with all of the players and plays he recalls off the top of his head. I really enjoy the stories he tells with such excitement and passion. After I hear one, I find myself longing for baseball to start again.

I'm often tempted to leave a comment in another person's journal, but I usually psych myself out. What if the comment isn't funny? What if it sounds stupid? What if the person doesn't like me? Even if I were to somehow muster the courage to leave a comment, I might leave my email address, but not my web address. What if they were to come here and think I'm pathetic and boring?

On the flip side of that, I am worried that nobody, not a single body will ever visit this site. Of course, if I never leave my web address, no one will ever find it. It is a self-made dilemma that could be resolved if I would just buck up and stop being scared of taking a risk and communicating.

This was my weekend in bullet points...

• I set my alarm for 1:30 AM to catch Matchbox Twenty on Conan O'Brien.
• It is always a bad idea to set an alarm for that early in the morning, regardless of how good an idea it seems at the time that you're setting it.
• I was later jolted out of bed by the sounds of a concrete truck backing up to my neighbor's fence.
• No one should be allowed to drive a concrete truck in reverse before 8:00 AM on the weekend.
• I cleaned my house, giving it a good once-over.
• Unfortunately, it really needs a good twice-over.
• On Saturday, my parents and sister brought over the last of my stuff that had been stored at their house.
• I never realized how much of my stuff is packaging and recyclable.
• I was hoping to see the Christmas tree lighting at Pier 39.
• The family's response was unenthusiastic apathy, so I didn't go.
• I ended up putting up my artificial Christmas tree.
• I spent a relaxing Sunday at my parents' house.
• Instead of football, I watched figure skating. Sasha Cohen and Michael Weiss won the Trophée Lalique in Paris, France.
• Afterwards, I went for a walk around the old neighborhood.
• Somehow, I ended up at Starbucks. Imagine that!
• A pretty girl, named Launa, walked past me as I entered the coffee shop. She and I went to the same high school.
• I noticed her, but she didn't notice me.
• Not much has changed since high school.

This entry will be done in the time it takes me to finish this latte.

I'm sitting in the Tennant Avenue Starbucks in Morgan Hill. I'm listening to Christmas music and enjoying a venti eggnog latte a week before Thanksgiving. I would be home right now watching Ed, but I really don't feel like being home right now.

I just drove back from the Second Harvest Food Bank in San Jose. Volunteers were sorting through the barrels from the Holiday Food Drive. Folks from KLIV and Cisco Systems were there along with dozens of other kind people who came out to help. There was a girl there that I thought looked familiar, though we had never met before. "Evangeline" was the name on her tag, but I couldn't place her face.

Okay, sidetracking... I'm amazed how many people come out to Starbucks at 9:00 PM on a weeknight. There must be at least twenty people here and it is just a constant flow. Pretty cool.

You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go

- from "Disease" by Matchbox Twenty

I just got their album, More Than You Think You Are, this afternoon. I tried to listen to it at work, but the office noise drowned out my computer speakers. As soon as I get home, the CD is going into the player.

I am in a room full of people... talking to one another, sharing with one another and enjoying each other's company. There is perhaps one other person in the cafe, besides myself, who is all by themselves and looking rather lonely. I wonder if I am projecting. I feel like I should go over and introduce myself, but that feeling is fleeting. Fear quickly takes over. I sit here and continue to type, justifying my solitude. I typically welcome and appreciate the solitude, but at this very moment, it just makes me sad.

The latte is done and so am I.

These lyrics have been bouncing around my head for the last couple of days. I think it is appropriate to what I've been feeling and where I have been...

I think you are blind to the fact
That the hand you hold
Is the hand that holds you down

- from "Everything to Everyone" by Everclear

I am in serious need of some motivation. I want to do so much, but I can't find the energy and drive. I keep putting them off, justifying my inaction with a "would-if"...

• I would eat out, if I had someone to go with.
• I would go running, if it weren't dark outside.
• I would talk to them, if I weren't so afraid.

I need to rid myself of the ifs, these conditional obstacles. There are so many hurdles that I have placed between myself and potential risks. I need to confront whatever I've been avoiding, face my fears, regain my confidence, so that I may pursue my goals, pursue my happiness.

Where do I find the motivation? Where do I find the confidence? I cannot approach anything half-heartedly. If I am to succeed, I must have no doubt. I need to make the attempt. Never attempting something to avoid failure is failure. I need to stop being so passive, a spectator in my own life. I need to participate, be active, do. Do something, do anything.

A brief Starbucks holiday espresso review. I was up uncharacteristically early and had time to enjoy some reading over a grande gingerbread latte. Unlike the peppermint mocha, I was not blown away by this drink. It was a rather bland tasting concoction. Unoffensive but uninspired. I would say it is my least favorite of the three seasonal choices.

Song on my mind... "Speed" by Paul Oakenfold from the Swordfish soundtrack.

With each journal entry, I constantly ask, "How much do I reveal about myself and my life?" I think I can be prohibitively self-conscious. I find myself censoring and editing out the more private or "shameful" parts, leaving a very sanitized and unreal self-portrait. If I were writing under an untraceable pseudonym, I would probably speak with a more natural and brutally honest voice. That, though, seems like an easy out, and I apparently nixed that option by using my real name for the domain.

It gets back to who I think my audience may or may not be. For all intents and purposes, I am writing this for myself first and complete strangers second. The people I'm not writing this for are my family, my coworkers, and my past acquaintances. I'm not so naive as to think they will never stumble across this site. That is why my writing and what I say must balance honesty and openness with common sense and sensitivity.

I actually spent an hour reading at Starbucks in Morgan Hill. They were already decorating and restocking for the holiday seasons. The holiday espresso drinks are already on the menu and the eggnog latte is now one of 3 possibilities (peppermint mocha and gingerbread latte are the other 2). If you have never had an eggnog latte, it is worth a try. I would recommend getting a small tall to begin with, just in case the nogginess doesn't sit well with you.

I was reading an entry by etches-johnson about one of her new words, blogogler. Just so you know, it refers to people who read blogs but refuse to start one themselves. A classic word that only the web could produce!

Last night more than 400,000 people were without electricity around the Bay Area. This morning that number was down to less than 70,000. How those electric company servicemen do it is a mystery, but I'm sure their efforts are much appreciated. Unfortunately, today will probably have the same wind and rain that caused the initial outages.

I want to give props to the considerate train conductor we had this morning. The guy was extra nice to all the poor folks who were running late because of the rain. He kept the train at the station so that they wouldn't miss it and be stuck out in the cold. This may seem like everyday common courtesy to most people, but you haven't seen those conductors that shut the door in your face just as you reach the train, wave emphatically at you and laugh maniacally as the train pulls away.

I'm only happy when it rains
You want to hear about my new obsession
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains

- from "Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage

The local news has been all about the wind and the rain. I was relatively dry getting on the train. There was minimal wind in downtown San Jose, but the wind in Morgan Hill was anything but calm. It must have been the 46 mph gusts that the weatherman was bragging about. I succeeded in getting completely soaked walking the three hundred feet from the train to my car. The rain was coming down so hard and the wind blowing so hard, the result was sidepour. My umbrella can't handle sidepour and it was begging me to get indoors right away.

I drove the mile to my house purely by rote. The sheets of rain were unrelenting and my windshield wipers could were ineffective against the onslaught of water. I had just put everything up to dry and was preparing for a relaxing evening, in a warm house, when I realized I was supposed to have dinner at my parents' place in San Jose.

I somehow survived the 12 mile journey up Highway 101 and by some miracle, I was able to make it back to my house a couple hours after that. All of this rain has me thinking:

• I really don't like driving in the rain.
• Almost everyone who is a decent driver in normal weather turns into an awful driver in rainy weather.
• Many advances are still needed in the area of tire traction on wet pavement.
• My umbrella sucks, but I only say that here in fear that the umbrella may take offense and just let all of the rain through.
• There were too many good weather days this year. To balance it out, Mother Nature decided to pack 2 months of bad weather into four days.

Yesterday, Vienna Teng's CD release party was on my mind. The album, Waking Hour, was out on Tuesday, but the release party was set for Wednesday, up in San Francisco. Just before leaving work, I made up my mind to go to the party. I would grab a bite to eat at home and drive up to San Fran. On the train, though, I started having second thoughts. I eventually talked myself out of it. In the middle of making dinner, I suddenly stopped. I thought, "What the heck am I doing? I complain and whine about my life being in a rut, but I do nothing about it." Either through frustration or determination, I decided to go.

I made good time getting up to the city, but once there I got very lost. I was trying to get to the 5th & Mission Garage and had trouble finding the garage entrance. It is one of the coolest parking garages ever. As you arrive on each level, there is an electronic sign that indicates if the floor is full or not. If it is not, then it tells you how many spaces there are on the left and right sides.

After a little trouble finding the Hotel Utah Saloon's front door (noticing a pattern?), I managed to get inside and catch the last few songs of Reba Hasko's set. She bangs out a mean tune on the piano and I wish I had gotten there sooner to hear more. My tardiness caused me to miss Jamie Jenkins entirely, but I was able to catch Carvell Wallace. His songs were soulful, political and honest.

Vienna was soon to follow. She must have come on around 10:30 PM. She was well worth the wait. While the recorded songs on the CD are wonderful, nothing compares to hearing them live. Every song was so full of melody and flow. There was a richness in the piano chords and progressions and a calmness in her vocals. Some of my favorites from her live performance included "Lullaby", "Enough to Go By", and "Homecoming". I was in awe. Admittedly, my view from the balcony was not the best seat in the house, but I could hear just fine and she rocked.

From my regular weblog visits, I recognized a couple people there, which was very similar to celebrity sightings. It was cool, but a little weird. I was way too quiet and was nearly sat upon, which is never a good thing. I also bumped into more chairs than I want to recall. I was shyness personified and that bummed me out. Even so, I'm still glad I went. I loved the music and the commotion that my life typically lacks.

Oh, all right, it may not be that happy, but it is the day to vote. There really is only one ballot measure I'm interested in. It will increase the hotel taxes in San Jose by 4% to help fund an expansion of the San Jose McEnery Convention Center. The working theory is that an expanded facility will boost the number of conventions, increase tourism, and juice the local economy. It sounds bold and far-sighted, but I doubt that 2/3 of the voters will approve the measure.

The great thing about a small town, like Morgan Hill, is the ability of candidates to still campaign on a more personal level. I was really surprised when a candidate running for the U.S. Congress actually came up to me and introduced herself and asked for my vote. I never recall that happening in San Jose. To see a candidate, you needed to go out of your way to meet them at a photo opportunity or rally.

One of my not-so-typical dreams has been to be a delegate at a national convention representing California. My other political dream is to be a campaign volunteer for a local senator or congressperson. Strange, I know, but it is a dream that I can still see becoming a future reality.

I did it!! I registered my domain. We'll see if I come to regret this decision, but I am optimistic. I am so stoked!!

I just saw the American Musical Theatre of San Jose's production of Miss Saigon. It is a musical by Boublil & Schönberg, the same creative team who wrote Les Misérables. The overall production was solid and there were a couple of memorable songs ("The Wedding Ceremony", "The American Dream"). Things seemed to crawl at times, especially in the second act. Dina Lynne Morishita, who played Kim, lifted the entire production and really outshone the rest of the cast. Kevin Gray, who portrayed The Engineer, had a couple of scene-stealing moments. The audience was impressed and appreciative, giving the performers a standing ovation at the end.