Idol's Final Four Shames the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

If the producers of American Idol had given me a chance to direct last night's episode, this is how the show would have gone down...

• Ryan introduces the four contestants.
• David Cook sings his two songs.
• Syesha and Archie smile and wave to their adoring fans.
• Ryan sends Jason home and tells everybody to tune in next week.

The whole thing would have been done by 8:15 and America could have enjoyed the rest of its Tuesday night.

Unfortunately, nobody asked me to direct the show, so it all went a little differently. Here are the details...

The Final Four have the task of performing songs from the vast Rock and Roll Hall of Fame catalog. This bodes well. I can feel it in every sarcastic bone in my body.

Round 1

David Cook is up first and his first song is Duran Duran's "Hungry Like The Wolf". He performs it well, but it's just a shinier, more refined version of the original. On the upside, it isn't karaoke. On the downside, it isn't bloody brilliant, which I expect every Cook performance to be at this point in the competition. Being good or solid doesn't cut it anymore.

Syesha Mercado's introductory clip rubs me the wrong way. She explains how Tina Turner's "Proud Mary" has been covered a hundred times, essentially saying the song comes with baggage. Luckily, it baggage she overcame once she looked in the mirror and said, "Just do it. Just have fun with it." Apparently, even people with stratospheric egos need to give themselves pep talks now and again. As she has done for three straight weeks, she gives her performance a Broadway spin, but not in a bad way. It instantly makes her my second favorite contestant of the show. Here is somebody (besides Cook) with the killer combo of talent and stage presence. Here is somebody actually trying to win.

Jason Castro, the anti-in-it-to-win-it contestant, performs next. He admits to recognizing only a few of the five hundred songs on the Hall of Fame list. One of them happens to be Bob Marley's "I Shot The Sheriff". I thought when Castro and Marley met, it would be magical. Instead, it's quirky and different and does nothing for me.

David Archuleta follows this with Ben E. King's "Stand By Me", a song little Archie sings in his room to himself when his dog can't take it anymore. The song choice is predictable. David goes gospel whenever he can. His singing is pretty, but hollow. Something is missing. When he finishes, the crowd goes insane. Apparently, I need a dose of whatever delusional drug they're taking because Archuleta's performance is only a step above okay for me. I also can't help thinking that if he came back in another four years, after obtaining a college education, his own personality, and some backbone, I would appreciate him a whole lot more.

Round 2

David Cook returns and redeems himself with The Who's "Baba O'Riley". Perhaps in the context of the real world, Cook is nothing special, but in American Idol Land, he displays a sensibility and sophistication that his competitors lack. He seems to be the only one who voluntarily listens to music during his free time and actually has a modicum of musical awareness. During his performance, I keep imagining Archie asking his dad, "Who is The Who?" His dad replies, "Nobody. Just a bunch of guys going to hell, so I don't want you paying any heed to them. Now, be a good boy and finish watching the Charlotte Church DVD I got you."

Syesha's second performance is good, but I don't think it's as strong as her first. She sings Sam Cooke's "A Change Is Gonna Come". I can't get over her opening comments, when she compares her journey on the show to the struggles of the civil rights movement. It's as though she says, "Let's forget historical significance for a minute and focus on me."

Ryan seems almost embarrassed to introduce Jason and, for his part, Jason doesn't seem all that eager to be on stage. He explains he's going to sing "Mr. Tambourine Man" by Bob Dylan, who may be my least favorite Bob in the musical world. Before the first strum of the guitar, I know it's going to be horrible. And it is. At one point, I think he's doing a spot-on Dylan, with the unintelligible mumbling, but then I realize he has simply forgotten the lyrics. Simon tells him to pack his suitcase, but I'm hoping the people behind Vote For The Worst save him at Archuleta's expense.

Speaking of which, Archuleta takes the stage again. This time he's singing "Love Me Tender" by Elvis Presley because Archie has never tortured us with a "romantic love song" before. It's actually incredible to watch him tackle a Presley song. Elvis, even when he sang gospel music, still managed to ooze charisma and sex appeal. You could feel the emotion behind his words. He believed them. With Archuleta, the song is just a combination of sounds he has to make because a piece of paper tells him to. The crowd, still high on their meds, cheers for him wildly. The judges give him hyperbolic praise, topped with Simon's assessment that David A. "crushed the competition". And I can't help but think, "Simon must still be hoping for a slice of that Vanessa Hudgens/Jonas Brothers/Hannah Montana/Ashley Tisdale market."

Predictions

If I could pick the Top Two, it would be Cook and Mercado. If there's a shocker tonight, I hope the David going home is Archuleta. Otherwise, I think Ryan will be showing Jason the door and Jason will only be too happy to go.