American Idol 7: Double the Diamond, Double the Fun

(Posted after the fact and for archival purposes only.)

Before I begin, I just want to say this: the next American Idol recap I read that makes reference to diamonds or roughs is going on my blacklist. Instead of using the same jaded phrase, I want to see somebody make reference to "finding a Neil in a haystack" (because I'm dorky like that).

As a kid, I was exposed to what some might consider a dangerous amount of easy listening music, so for better or worse, I'm fairly familiar with the music of Neil Diamond, which means I recognized a majority of the songs sung on last night's show.

Depending on how you feel about Neil Diamond, last night was either double the pleasure or double the pain, as the final five contestants got to sing two (two!) Diamond masterpieces each.

In order to squeeze those ten performances into a single hour, Ryan had to herd the contestants and judges around like cattle. His sense of urgency was palpable and understandable. Ten two-minute performances means 20 minutes of singing. Throw in the required 35 minutes of commercials and that leaves only five minutes for Paula's babbling and little else.

Jason Castro gave two half-hearted performances. His rendition of "Forever in Blue Jeans" was downbeat and depressing. It lacked momentum. He followed that up with what must have been the most lethargic version of "September Morn" I've ever heard. On a positive note, Jason did manage to get off his stool and stand upright (mostly) for the second half of the song. Unfortunately, this effort sapped his remaining strength and he was incapable of singing complete lines from that point forward.

David Cook's take on "I'm Alive" was standard at best. It was good, but never rose to great. His second song, "All I Really Need Is You", was the best performance of the night. He channeled Diamond's sound in places and infused the rest of the arrangement with his own sound. It was the only song I could imagine being a hit on the radio today.

Despite her previous poor performances, I was hoping Brooke White would do well. She gave "I'm a Believer" a go, but the song was too much for her. Her mugging and grinning all seemed forced and fake. Instead of trying to do Smash Mouth's version of the song, she should have given it her own spin or gone with a different piece all together. For "I Am, I Said", she ditched the guitar for the piano and was suddenly "in the zone" again. The song fit her perfectly and her performance felt authentic. It reminded me of why I liked her in the first place.

David Archuleta sang two of Diamond's biggest hits: "Sweet Caroline" and "America". While his vocals were technically impressive, his performances lacked charisma. Both songs felt too big and grown-up for him. His version of "America" was nauseating and reminded me of days gone by, when Kristy Lee Cook was still going strong. His take on "Sweet Caroline" was so icky (especially the way he sang "touching me... touching you"), I had to cleanse my memory by listening to Diamond's original version several times, followed by a few views of Jonathan Coulton's cover...

Syesha Mercado's rendition of "Hello Again" was solid, but forgettable. The most memorable thing about her performance was her hair (it's mean, but true, but mean, so I'm sorry, mostly). For her second song, she sang a rousing version of "Thank the Lord for the Night Time". She spruced it up with some of her Broadway flair, but it was still only so-so for me.

While my dream Bottom Two would be David A. and Syesha, I don't think that dream is coming true. In all likelihood, tonight's Bottom Two will be Brooke (backlash for last week's elimination evasion) and Jason. With any luck, Jason will go home. The boy is tired and needs a nap.