I'm Invisible, But Only When Your Eyes Are Closed

Yesterday was one of those rare days when I actually drove to work. Thanks to a harebrained move, I'm hoping I won't have to drive in again for a while. You see, I accidentally triggered the car's cloaking device as I was leaving the office.

I know what you're thinking, "How could you possibly trigger it? It's such a tricky thing to do." And you're right, it is. For my car, one has to press the defrost button (accidentally) while the radio is tuned to 97.3 FM, the volume is set at level two, the gear is in drive, the left blinker is flashing, and the car is at a complete stop. At least I think that's how it's triggered. I must admit it has been some time since I read the manual.

Anyway, that was the exact condition of the car as I waited at the intersection to make a protected left turn onto one of downtown San Jose's many busy streets. The cloaking device must have been on and I have three irrefutable pieces of evidence to prove it.

1. As soon as the left turn light turned green, I entered the intersection. At that precise moment, three people (two teenagers and a businesswoman) started crossing the street against the light. I had to slam on the brakes, inches from the crosswalk, to avoid hitting them. None of them even looked my direction. None of them made any attempt to hurry out of the way.

2. After the trio cleared the lane, I finished my turn. Not more than a hundred yards later, a car parked at the curb attempted to pull out in front of me. I hit the brakes again, swerved to avoid a collision, and blasted the horn. The driver had a confused look on his face. At the time, I thought it was an idiotic look, but to be fair and in retrospect, it must have been a confused look. He was likely thinking, "Where is that honking coming from. I hear the horn, but where's the car?" As soon as I passed him, he pulled out, nearly clipping my rear bumper.

3. Ten seconds later, further down the same street, I approached another intersection. To my relief, the light was green. The coast seemed clear until I was within a hundred yards of the crosswalk. That's when a pedestrian started crossing the street from my right. I thought about honking the horn, but I was afraid he would freeze in the middle of the street. I slowed significantly, hoping he would clear the lane before I reached the intersection, but he made no attempt to move faster or get out of the way. He was so oblivious that I had to come to a full stop so he could cross safely. Like the previous pedestrians, he never glanced my way or made any indication that he was aware of my presence.

Shortly after these three incidents, all of which took place in the span of a minute, I somehow deactivated the cloaking device. I believe it happened when I changed the station to 102.1 FM and increased the volume to level four to help calm my nerves. From that point forward, pedestrians and other drivers seemed fully aware I was there.

Note to self: The next time a car salesman offers a deal on a Ford Taurus, Romulan Empire Edition, say no.