Best New Comedy of 2008: American Gladiators

American Gladiators, a show that originally aired nineteen years ago, returned with a two-hour premiere last night. I don't remember much about the original, so I tuned in to refresh my memory. I was richly rewarded with two hilarious hours of mindless entertainment. We're only a week into 2008, but I'm willing to go on the record to declare American Gladiators the best new comedy of the year.

The premise is simple. Everyday Joes and Janes (a.k.a. firefighters, Marines, amateur athletes) compete against each other and a group of gladiators (a.k.a. behemoths in Spandex) in the hopes of winning $100,000. It's a tournament that requires strength, agility, and an ego of Herculean proportions.

It's the funniest thing I've seen on network television in a long time. Here are a few reasons why...

• Hulk Hogan. He co-hosts the show with Laila Ali. Hogan is one of those guys you can easily build a drinking game around. Here are two rules to get you started: 1) Every time Hulk leans in and points at the camera, take a shot (of espresso). 2) Every time he calls somebody "brother" or "girl", take two shots (of espresso). With just those rules, you should be bouncing off the walls within ten minutes.
• Contender Egos. The big talkers on American Idol are models of modesty compared to the contestants on American Gladiator. If you are 5' 7", 155 pounds, and call yourself Spider Monkey, you shouldn't be talking smack to anybody resembling Titan, who is 6' 3", 251 pounds, and doesn't have an ounce of humor on him; not unless you like the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes from having your body twisted into the shape of a pretzel. Contenders who talk a big game make great punch lines when they receive their comeuppance.
• Gladiator Names. They strike poses meant to inspire fear, but their names only inspire giggles. It's difficult to be afraid of anybody who would willingly call themselves Crush, Fury, Venom, Hellga, Justice, Mayhem, Militia, or Wolf. If they want to really instill fear in their opponents, they should choose names like Health Care or Foreclosure.
• Toa. Of the gladiators, he has the best trademark (or gimmick). Unlike Wolf, whose gimmick is a howl (or something that is supposed to be a rough approximation of a howl), Toa's trademark is the haka, a traditional dance from New Zealand. It involves slapping the body, stomping the feet, and sticking out the tongue. Every time he performs it, I can't help but laugh. Admittedly, it isn't a kneeslapping, rolling-on-the-floor laugh. It's more of a nervous, sense-of-impending-doom laugh.

Another episode of American Gladiators airs tonight. If you are in need of a good laugh, I highly recommend watching it. It won't raise your IQ, but it's guaranteed to raise your spirits. And don't forget to make plenty of espresso.