Lost Executive Producers Names Castaway to be "Plot Czar"

Producers of ABC's Lost announced they had successfully completed their search for a "plot czar".

In a video podcast released this morning, J.J. Abrams, the show's creator and executive producer, said Mr. Wilson, the island castaway prominently featured in the movie Cast Away, would be filling the newly created position.

"Mr. Wilson is a survivor and a hero who understands plane crashes and deserted islands and knows a thing or two about delivering."

If approved by the network, Wilson would work under executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, but would report directly to Abrams.

Wilson's position would carry the title of Assistant to the Executive Producers and Deputy Creative Advisor for Plot Development, Continuity, Clean Up, and Implementation.

"Wilson played an integral role in advancing the plot of his previous film," said Jack Bender, another executive producer. "We have complete confidence in his ability to tie up any loose ends, fill in any gaps, explain any inconsistencies, and solve any remaining mysteries to make our plot whole. A plot, I might add, we had planned, from start to finish, long before the show began."

Some in Hollywood are scratching their heads wondering why the show waited three years to hire a "plot czar". Some are wondering how Mr. Bender was able to finish his statement with a straight face. Others are puzzled by the position's responsibilities, which seem to be very similar to those of an executive producer.

Bryan Burk, an executive producer, attempted to explain, "Wilson will do what J.J., Damon, Carlton, Jack, or I would do if J.J., Damon, Carlton, Jack, or I had the time." Mr. Burk refused to say what he and the other producers currently did with their time.

Abrams concluded the podcast on a triumphant note. "We needed to get the right concept, the right man - or piece of sports equipment - and we have."

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Inspired by a recent article in The New York Times, an entry on Daily Kos, and, of course, Lost. The third season finale is this Wednesday. The finale of Heroes is tonight. I can't wait!

(I bet Tim Kring doesn't need a plot czar.)