Blog Clichés

Gawker recently published an article listing the fifteen most recycled clichés used in blog-media today. I read it with apprehension, afraid they would "out" the unoriginal jokes and references that litter my writing. Fortunately, they overlooked most of my repertoire and only mentioned three I've been guilty of using.

[undesirable counter-example], not so much.
The punchline that ends a thousand million columns and blog posts. Weak as the lightest of lite beers, or the puny farts you get from such beer.

This one cropped up twice in 2003. Once in a title (Running? Not so Much) and once in a post about surfing (My courage… not so much).

[adjective]-y goodness
"Goodness" once might have served as a comical placeholder for sarcastic expressions of positivity, but now it exists in this construction purely to demonstrate the high-lariousness of the writer. A near cousin replaces "goodness" with a noun specific to the context, such as "his sexy backness."

I used this one twice in 2005. Once it appeared as minty goodness (to describe a peppermint patty) and once as crunchy goodness (my interpretation of a statue).

[x] is the new [y].
The unkillable grandaddy of them all, a Protean monster capable of adapting to any topic, discussion, situation, or writer. Has gone through so many levels of irony, sarcasm, and hipster appropriation that it deserves to be captured and dissected so we can finally understand its vigor. There is likely no defense, but fight it as long as you can. Your sacrifice will be remembered.

In 2004, when talking about changing this journal's banner and color scheme, I felt compelled to say brown was the new blue.

To reiterate, this doesn't mean my writing is free from clichés. It only means no one has bothered to compile a list of the ones I use or I haven't been made aware of the list… yet.

For those curious about the other twelve clichés, but not curious enough to click on the link at the beginning of this post, here they are…

• Best. [ultimate thing or experience.] Ever/Evar.
• FTW, O RLY, lol, FTL, OMG, FWIW, btw, PWND, ROTFL, etc.
• [negative experience, situation, or description]; I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
• [purposefully non-ghetto statement], yo.
• [undesirable conclusion]. Oy.
• [amazed paraphrase of opposing position]. Seriously? Seriously?
• What's next? [outlandish scenario]?
• I'm looking at you, [example of complaint].
• Um, [condescension]?
• [Argument], wait for it, [rhetorical flourish].
• [Undesirable experience] made my [sensory organ] bleed.
• [any word]-gasm