Chain Book Reading

I'm a chain book reader. It's true. I barely finish a book and I'm already starting the next. Sometimes, I don't even bother to use a new bookmark. It probably isn't a safe practice. Luckily, one can't catch a textually transmitted disease¹ from reused bookmarks... as far as we know. If that were the case, there would already be SaniRead dispensers installed in schools, libraries and bookstores across the country providing the public with hermetically sealed, hygienic bookmarks.

As other chain book readers know, the cheapest way to feed the book habit is to bum them off friends visit the public library. For most folks, having one library account is enough, but in a few extreme cases, belonging to only one library system isn't sufficient. Like shopaholics with credit cards from every major store they frequent (and one or two they don't), chain readers can't resist applying for library cards. If there is a public collection available to read, they want access to it.

Of course, it's more appealing to some chain book readers to actually possess their own private stash, which is why outfits like Amazon and Barnes & Noble are so dangerous. The only way they would be more dangerous is if they sold books in six or twelve-packs ("May I have one Twain twelve-pack, please?"). Or perhaps if they sold their wares in book machines strategically located at gas stations or in coffee shops. You just insert your credit card, pull the appropriate knob and a Mitch Albom novel would drop into the tray, ready for quick consumption.

The realization I'm a chain book reader came only this morning as I was getting my backpack ready for work. After I packed my lunch, I grabbed a book to read on the train. I was just about to toss it in when I noticed that I had but a few pages left to read. A shudder ran through me as the horrible image of finishing the book and having nothing else to read flashed across my mind. I quickly snatched a fresh book from my unread stack and dumped both in the backpack.

Chain book reading. It probably isn't the healthiest habit to have, but I hope it isn't one I kick anytime soon.

By the way, Terry Pratchett's newest book, Wintersmith, is due on shelves today. It's the third book in his Tiffany Aching series, an offshoot of his Discworld series aimed at younger folks. I'm not the book's target audience, but I'm still looking forward to reading it.

¹ If you coin a phrase and discover 220 other people have coined it before you, is it still clever? Darn, I didn't think so.