The Ferguson Rock Slide Bypass

(Or "The Tale of the McTeagles")

Since Labor Day, the Ferguson Rock Slide Bypass on Highway 140 has been open 24 hours a day to signaled, one-way traffic. Due to limited space on the opposite side of the river, the bypass has a vehicle length restriction of 28 feet.

As we drove to Yosemite on Friday, I noticed a number of signs posted along the route informing travelers about 140's status and restriction. I also listened to the road condition radio station that looped a message reminding people about the length limitation.

With so many signs and alerts making it nearly impossible for people not to know about the restriction, it only makes sense that we would find ourselves in a line of cars following an SUV towing a long travel trailer on Highway 140.

With plenty of miles to speculate, I came up with a few theories to explain why the clearly-longer-than-28-foot-vehicle was on the road:

1. The driver was so focused on driving that he missed the signs, didn't hear the radio and was oblivious to the restriction.
2. The driver knew about the restriction, but believed his SUV and travel trailer were shorter than the stated length.
3. The driver knew about the restriction and knew he was longer than the stated length, but figured he could make it through anyhow.

By the time we reached the stoplight at the bypass, we were ahead of the SUV. (After accumulating a large following, he had finally used a turnout to let his groupies pass.) While we waited, I caught a glimpse of the rockslide and temporary detour.

It was easy to see why Caltrans had a length restriction in effect. Long vehicles would have no trouble getting onto the bridge, but it would be impossible for them to get off. Both the bridge and the roadway were barely wide enough for one vehicle and the turn from one to the other was extremely tight - nearly a ninety-degree angle. Unless we suddenly entered the world of Tron, there was no way a long vehicle could clear the turn without clipping the bridge or the canyon wall.

To make sure traffic flowed smoothly, Caltrans had a road crew stationed to monitor the bypass. One of the workers, wearing an orange vest and white hardhat, walked down the line of vehicles and greeted us as he passed. When he reached the SUV with the travel trailer, he spoke to the driver for a minute and then walked back up the line.

The light finally turned green and we began to making our way across the bridge. In my rearview mirror, I could see the SUV pull off to one side to let the rest of the traffic clear. Although I soon lost sight of what was happening, I envisioned the crew having to shut down the road temporarily to let the SUV execute a u-turn (or, more likely, a 97-point turn). It would then have to return to Mariposa and enter Yosemite through the south entrance using Highway 41, adding at least a few hours to the trip.

As we continued towards the park, I wondered what was going on in the SUV and my imagination supplied the following scene...

[The McTeagle family is on its way to Yosemite. The SUV is packed. The travel trailer is stocked with food and everything they need for a relaxing weekend. Dad is driving, Mom is minding the map and the kids are watching videos on the drop-down screen. They pass an orange road sign with yellow flashing lights.]

Mom: Ewan, did you just see that sign? It said no vehicles longer than 28 feet are allowed on 140.
Dad: I saw it, Lassie. But don't you worry now. We're shorter than that.
Mom: Okay, if you say so.
Kids: Are we there yet?
Mom: Not yet, dears, but we're getting close.

[They soon pass another sign.]

Mom: Are you sure we're less than 28 feet long?
Dad: Yes.
Mom: Did you measure?
Dad: Yes!
Mom: You did?
Dad: No! Who in their right mind measures these things?! We'll be fine. You'll see.
Kids: Are we there yet?
Dad: Almost. Just another hour or two. Maybe three.

[They eventually reach the bypass.]

Worker: I'm sorry, sir, but I'm going to have to ask you to pull over so we can let the others cars through. Your SUV and trailer are too long, so you'll need to turn around and use 41 instead.
[Mom glares at Dad. Dad feigns indignation.]
Dad: What? That's impossible! We can't be longer than 28 feet! I measured!
Worker: You did?
Dad: No! Who in their right mind measures these things?!
Worker: Okay, sir, but I can tell you just from looking that you're too long, so just pull on over and we'll get you set right.
Dad: Can't you make an exception just this once?
Worker: I'm sorry, sir, no can do.
Dad: [sighs deeply and turns to everybody in the SUV, avoiding eye contact with the fiery glare of Lassie] Well, you heard the nice construction worker, kids. I'm sorry to say we're going to have to backtrack a little, but we'll be fine. [turns back to the worker with a resigned look] I guess if there's no other way... then fine.
Kids: Are we there yet?
Mom: [still glaring at Ewan] No, Colin and Fergie dear, and you have your father to thank!

[As he makes the u-turn, Dad McTeagle realizes the mistake he's made. And he'll be reminded about this mistake for the rest of the weekend and at dinner parties and family gatherings whenever Yosemite is mentioned and in arguments completely unrelated to Yosemite and on every road trip the family ever takes... ever again... for the rest of his life. As they make their way back along the highway, Ewan McTeagle breaks down and sobs.]