Don't Worry About the Government

"If this had happened to anybody else in America, it would have been like a sparrow belch in a typhoon."
- Alan Simpson's colorful response to Chris Wallace on this weekend's Fox News Sunday regarding Dick Cheney's shooting accident.

Two decades ago, I would wake up early every Saturday morning to eagerly watch cartoons. When I say cartoons, I don't mean the political type drawn by freelance artists, solicited by an independent newspaper and used by religious extremists to fuel violence and promote a long-sought holy war. I mean The Flintstones, The Super Friends Hour and The Littles. If I saw them, I was ecstatic. If I missed them, I was heartbroken.

Two years ago (or so), I would rise relatively early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons like Kim Possible and shows like Trading Spaces: Boys vs. Girls. In doing so, I was able to recapture some of the excitement of my younger days. Yet, I never felt the same attachment to the new generation of morning shows that I did to the ones of my youth. If I happened to miss them, I was disappointed, but never distraught. I didn't know if it was a sign that I had grown up and my tastes had changed or a sign that television was simply producing lower quality shows for children (and guys refusing to let go of their childhoods).

Since the beginning of the year, I've been hooked on weekend programming as addictive as those Saturday morning cartoons. I've found a more "sophisticated" source of entertainment, a more "mature" reason for waking up early. I'm talking about the political talk shows on Sunday mornings. Most people are probably thinking, "Politicians and pundits are exciting, how?" To which I reply, "Have you seen the verbal aerial tricks some of those politicians throw down as they deftly avoid answering questions? Have you witnessed the venomous hyperbole those partisan commentators spit at one another? The whole thing is ridiculous, yet fascinating."

For a "balanced" diet, I watch three shows. For what I perceive to be a right-leaning perspective, I watch Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace. They stack their roundtable with two conservatives, Brit Hume and Bill Krystal; a moderate, Mara Liasson; and a liberal, Juan Williams. For what I believe is a left-slanting take, I watch This Week with George Stephanopoulos. His roundtable consists of a rotating liberal (meaning a different one each week, not one that actually spins around), the conservative George Will (a favorite of mine for his baseball perspectives) and Cokie Roberts.

My favorite and the one I like to think is the least biased is Meet the Press with Tim Russert, who had me from the first moment he used a dry-erase board in 2000. He, more than any other host, does his research and makes good use of it: citing quotes from articles and speeches, asking his guests tough questions (regardless of political party), bulldogging them for answers and calling them on less-than-honest statements. I also like that the show is available for online viewing. True, This Week offers a podcast and one can gain quite a bit from just listening to it, but half the fun of television is its visual aspect.

Of course, now I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if today's top television shows were aired during the days of radio shows. It's hard to see CSI and Desperate Housewives having the same appeal. Most comedy shows, the few still in existence, would probably do okay. I think Lost would work in terms of weekly cliffhangers and accompanying musical score, but I can't see how flashbacks, the show's signature storytelling technique, would work. The show losing the least in translation would probably be American Idol. Contestants would sound appalling whether we could see them or not. Not to be mean, but the only thing that could help them sound better is the mute button.