Excerpts from The Beantown Gazoo

August 15, 2002

Yesterday, three blocks of housing in the Smoggy Heights district were condemned to make way for the new Beantown Green.

The Green is part of Mayor D.C. Stone's attempt to create a buffer between the town's quiet residential neighborhoods and its noisier industrial sector.

"In our eagerness to meet the demand of developers, we surrendered our town's precious open space. We never intended for smokestacks and swing sets to be so close together. Today, we mean to right that wrong. True, a thousand residents will be displaced, but with the development of high density housing in the wealthier Blue Sky District, I promise that they'll have new homes next month or my name isn't Daniel Cedric Stone."

Within hours of the mayor's announcement, residents were evacuated and demolition of the tenements began.

August 15, 2005

Yesterday, in a shocking reversal of Mayor D.C. Stone's environmental policy, the Beantown Green, established three years ago, was cleared to make way for the Smoggy Heights Shopping District.

"Our citizens need places to shop. Everytime a Beanie buys products from neighboring communities, Beantown suffers. And while trees offer plenty in the way of beauty and shade, they offer little in the way of boutiques and sales tax revenues. True, many trees will be displaced, but with the development of the Beantown Greenlet in the Blue Sky District, I promise that a percentage will be replanted or my name isn't Daniel Cedric Stone."

Within hours of the mayor's announcement, trees were uprooted and construction of the strip malls began.

October 12, 2005

After a two-month investigation, local reporters discovered records revealing that Mayor Stone's given name isn't actually Daniel Cedric, but is in fact Dolphin Charisma. Contrary to his published biography, he was not born and raised in Beantown, but was born in a lime green VW Van and raised in a commune on the outskirts of Berkeley, California.

A new investigation has begun to learn the exact whereabouts of the relocated residents and trees of Smoggy Heights.

This was inspired by actual simulated events that occurred during last night's SimCity 4 session.