AI: Waiting For the Bo

Last Wednesday night, before I could post my recap, Fox aired the American Idol results show. I had called the producers to see if they could postpone the episode and repeat Tuesday's performances (with new critiques), but they said they were unwilling to pull the same publicity stunt two weeks in a row.

Thanks to a cataclysmic lapse in consciousness (a.k.a. a nap), I missed the first ten minutes of Tuesday's show. By the time I was alert and able to turn on the television, the second performer, Jessica, was already on stage. While she sang something forgettable by Leann Rimes, I kept thinking, "Who performed first? Please don't let it be Bo!"

Anwar, my longtime favorite, was next to sing. He performed "I Believe I Can Fly". I don't know if other contestants have been adding kryptonite to his food, but his super powers of consistency and voice control seem to be gone. While the other two judges were critical, Paula showered him with over-the-top compliments. I might be imagining things, but she seemed tipsy.

Nadia returned from hair purgatory and redeemed herself with a Melissa Etheridge song. All three judges said it was much better than last week. She sounded the same to me. I think they were just elated that she wasn't sporting a mohawk.

We then saw and heard the softer side of Constantine, which was weird because Constantine doesn't have a harder side. Simon got it right to call him a pop singer. Of course, Simon also said that he was better than Bo, which made my jaw drop for two reasons.

First, I couldn't think of any possible way that Constantine could be better than Bo. Even if Bo were to mime his song or sing like Alvin the Chipmunk, he would still be better. Second, I realized that Bo had been the first performer. I suddenly had the urge to change the channel and watch the rest of Scrubs, but denial overcame me. I kept watching and waiting for the Bo, hoping against all odds that he'd show up.

I closed my eyes and said, "Now!" I opened them again and it was Nikko Smith. He sang a song I didn't like, but he sang it well. Unlike Anwar, he chooses tunes that highlight the strong part of his range.

Anthony, the unBo, performed next. What I found outstanding: his huge silver belt buckle, his nuclear green shirt and his fake beard. What I didn't find outstanding: his performance.

Losing hope, I repeated, "Now!" But Carrie showed up instead and sang "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. On the bright side, she finally looked relaxed and so did her hair.

Scotty "The Body" (as Seacrest calls him) Savol's usually spot-on voice faltered this week. To get back in form, he may need to return to his funky shades and crooked cap.

My irrational Bo hope was down to the last performer. I closed my eyes again, but shut them tighter and opened them slowly. Everything was blurry and at first, I thought my wish had come true and Bo was on stage, but my vision soon cleared and Bo became Vonzell. That transformation was frightening. Anyway, she belted a Whitney Houston power ballad and simply nailed it.

By the end of Tuesday, I was positive only guys would be in the bottom three. My prediction was Anwar, Scott and Anthony, with Anthony going home. Showing how wrong I could be, the public chose Nadia, Anwar and Jessica. With the way he performed, I thought Anwar would get the boot, but Jessica got it instead. This week, I don't know if the music teacher can prove himself worthy of another chance. All I know is that I'm not going to miss Bo.