A Gnat in My Coffee

Bad: A gnat flying around my desk.
Worse: A gnat flying around my coffee.
Worst: A gnat swimming (and subsequently drowning) in my coffee.

When it first happened early yesterday morning, I wigged out and promptly disposed of the tainted drink with the cry, "Everybody out of the coffee!" I then sterilized the cup with boiling hot water. One can never be too careful in these situations.

I refilled the cup and this time put a sheet of scratch paper on top to prevent further gnat contamination another meaningless gnat death. Minutes later, I removed the improvised lid to take a sip and found another floater. Freak out. Dispose. Rinse.

Things were becoming serious. I had plastic cup covers at home, but that didn't solve the immediate problem. Someone is probably thinking, "What's the big deal about having a gnat in your coffee? Drink it already!" While that seems logical for lesser liquids like soda, water or possibly beer, we're talking about coffee here. I've never had a barista ask me, "Room for cream? Room for gnats?"

Doing my best Wile E. Coyote impression, I devised a plan. I poured my cup of coffee and then filled an ACME decoy cup. The gnats would obviously fall for the decoy and leave mine alone. The plan was idiotic foolproof.

Before leaving for lunch, I covered both cups, just in case the gnats caught wind of my devious ploy. I thought I was being clever until I returned and discovered the decoy was gnat-free. "Curious," I thought. Then I checked my cup. "D'oh!" Two gnats had met their untimely end... in the wrong cup! Sigh. Dispose. Rinse. Drink decoy coffee.

Today I'm using a plastic lid and it seems to be working... so far. I wouldn't be surprised if the gnats are formulating a counter-strategy right now. Darn bugs!