My Inner Critic

He is the most caustic creature you will ever meet. He is vile, repulsive, condescending and full of negativity. He swears a lot and throws tantrums. It seems his only desire is crush my confidence entirely.

In my mind's eye he physically resembles Gollum. Happiness is a rope around his neck and all he can do is scream, "It burns! It burns us!" He is extremely displeased that I'm writing about him right now and promises to be a good Smeagol if I stop, which means I should keep going.

His memory is selective. He only remembers my rejections and humiliations, chronologically. He constantly reminds me of my regrets and missed opportunities. When he is bored, he recites my anxieties like a David Letterman Top Ten List.

His vision is impaired. He only sees my weaknesses and only notices when I stumble. In others, he only sees strengths and successes, but never their faults. With skewed sight, he loves to make comparisons.

He hisses snide editorial remarks when I talk or write to people. When I'm in public, he is like Statler and Waldorf, but without the balcony seating. His favorite people are the ones who are quick to judge, insult or use me. They prove him right.

His discovery was only recent. He had been with me so long, he seemed to be part of the natural landscape. But now that he has been spotted, it's up to me to learn how to deal with him.