Whatever illusions I had about my ability to handle stress were shattered yesterday. I had a number of anxiety attacks and they are something I never want to experience again. Arms tingled, muscles tightened, breath shortened and I compounded it all by believing they were fatal.

I went to see the doctor, just to ease my own mind. I wanted to be sure there wasn't something wrong with my heart or anything else. I felt relieved after the tests came back showing everything was "normal". He recommended I try to relax, alleviate stress and think positively. I wondered if his prescription came in tablet or liquid form.

So today I've given myself a few tasks. One is to list everything that stresses me out, big and small. The next item is to list what I've been doing to relieve the stress. The final one is to list other ways I can handle the stress differently.

I feel like a closet. Outside is a nice clean door, but hidden inside is a pile of junk about to come tumbling out. I need to take time to organize the contents, take more responsibility for what is kept and thrown out. It's never too late for some spring cleaning.

I think yesterday's scare woke me up to the fact that I'm still wound too tightly. I get worked up over things and leave them unresolved while being too focused on appearing unfazed. Calmness is more than what is shown on the outside. Emotionally, I need to take better care of myself.