February 11, 2003 - I wrote this shortly after the Maya and Vienna performances. I am not hiding this, I swear. I am just backdating it to the time it was written.

I don't want to forget this feeling. The one that started less than five hours ago and is slowly fading away. It is one of utter joy mixed with yearning. It has been so long since I have experienced these emotions. I am sure this will sound completely ridiculous in the morning, but it's how I'm feeling right now. It is hard to express everything.

For two hours, I was immersed in music. One piano and one voice. Intoxicating and beautiful. The whole room seemed to disappear and the only thing left was the music. It was a combination of many things: the setting, the instrument, the voice, the lyrics, the melody, the frame of mind. They all seemed to come together.

There were moments when I anticipated certain notes and when they were played, I couldn't help but smile. When an unexpected chord filled the air, I couldn't help but laugh. And when a particularly touching song finished, I couldn't help but let out a sigh of contentment. I didn't want it to end.

Let me try to explain it another way. Growing up, there was music in my parents' house. My sister and I began playing the piano at a young age. I was about six and she was maybe four. As soon as we got home from school, it seemed that somebody was on the piano. The music would go on until dinner was served.

It has been a long time since then. With me moving out and my sister focusing on graduate studies, the piano sits idle and the house is quiet. Tonight, it was like I was transported back many years. Looking down from the loft overhead and listening to the music, I felt at home.

On the drive back, I couldn't bear to have the radio playing. I didn't want to lose the feeling. Deep down, I yearn for the music and piano. It is something that I have repressed and forgone for what now seems like forever.

To be able to play it again and feel it again, with consistency, would mean so much. In my darkest moments the piano brought me comfort, lifted me up and brought me focus. It was a way to meditate, become centered and allow everything else to simply fall away. How I miss it.